


If I Go Now

by gillyAnne



Series: Courage Is A Woman [4]
Category: The Fall (TV 2013), The X-Files
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-22
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2019-11-27 17:41:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 49,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18197327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gillyAnne/pseuds/gillyAnne
Summary: Continuation of my Stella and Scully story.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I missed them so much and I have so many ideas that I decided to just start with something. I have no idea where it's going, you'll find out when I do.  
> Read my "Courage Is A Woman" series as well if you want all the backstory. This is set after all of that.

Ten letters.

In any other order they’d be meaningless, form words that held no significance other than their meaning according to a dictionary, like a wordless sentence floating in silence.

However, put together like this, in this particular order, they held the power to scare Stella Gibson into a whimper as she muttered her name through her phone’s microphone. ‘Gibson.’

‘Stella, it’s me.’

‘Dana,’ Stella said in a near-whisper that sent a shiver up her own spine with the weight Scully’s voice brought down and lifted at the same time.

‘Did I wake you?’ a small voice she barely recognized but would never fail to pick out sounded through from presumably the other side of the world. It was 3 AM and quickly calculating Stella knew it must be evening where Dana lived and it worried her to no end that Dana was probably only now realizing the time. ‘No, what’s wrong?’

‘I’m fine, I just wanted to talk to someone.’ Her unspoken words reached Stella loud and clear. I just wanted to talk to you. ‘Work?’ Stella asked softly. ‘Not really,’ came the answer she’d somehow already heard. ‘Tell me,’ Stella said softly, settling back into her bed, pushing her laptop off to the side. She had nowhere to be but right where Dana Scully needed her to be.

A deep, trembling sigh found its way to Stella’s ear and she heard a slight rustling, probably Dana settling into something much like she’d just done. How was it that so much of their life seemed to mirror itself, as if they were somehow destined to live the same life through a different path? Or maybe it would end up being the same path after all. ‘I told Mulder.’

‘Oh, Dana…’

‘I told him, I know we said we’d talk about it first but he asked how I’d spent New Year’s and it just came up and-

‘Dana, stop,’ Stella interrupted her softly. ‘Stop, it’s okay, you’ll be okay. What did he say?’

She heard Dana take a moment to collect herself, sniffle into a tissue and swallow before starting to explain. It was possibly the longest few seconds she’d ever spent waiting for someone to talk to her, and the whole situation unnerved her with its importance.

‘He… We met for lunch, you know, we do that sometimes. And it had been a while since I’d really talked to him, so we just caught up and then he asked me if I’d had a nice time going into the new year. I said yes, told him I was with a friend and he got kind of jealous in a way I didn’t like. Like he was assuming I was seeing some guy or something. He tried to play it off like he didn’t care but he still loves me, I know that.’

‘And you love him,’ Stella added without judgment or value, a factual statement that could well have been part of the press conference she’d given earlier today. She almost felt Dana nod against her shoulder from an ocean away, so she wasn’t surprised when Dana ignored her statement. ‘So I told him I’d been in England, with someone I’d met in New York. I wanted to be honest with him, he deserves to know.’

‘He does. It’s important to you.’

‘So he tried to joke about losing me to the Brits and I just…’

Dana didn’t finish her sentence and Stella didn’t finish it for her – the rest was just there, between them, in the American sniffles and the soft British breaths that were shared as they both thought of a thousand questions the other might have. Scully was the first to ask one.

‘Do you want to know what he said?’

‘I know what I hear in your voice,’ Stella answered truthfully. ‘I know he was supportive too much for his own good and I know he let you go.’ ‘So easily,’ Scully pondered. ‘He accepted it so easily.’ ‘He probably didn’t, but it’s what he wanted you to think,’ Stella countered. ‘He’s trying to be supportive in his own way.’ ‘You don’t know him,’ Scully said and her defensiveness caught even her off guard. ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean it that way.’ Stella stayed quiet and let Scully vocalize her thoughts as she formed them. It’s something she’d learned from her therapist – the quiet moments aren’t always the scary ones that you need to get away from. Sometimes it’s the place and time in which you live an entire life, within your mind and within your soul and it’s the truest place you’ve ever visited and even though it’s unknown and dark it’s also the only way into the light.

‘He didn’t question me. He didn’t question us, or you, or the fact that I… have feelings for a woman, or that it happened so fast. He just trusts me and it breaks my heart…’ Scully’s voice broke on the last word and Stella could imagine the tears running quietly down Dana’s cheeks. She’d seen them before, she’d been responsible for some of them and she’d been there to chase others away but she’d never been helpless like this, too far away, her hands too tied to the gates of time and space to help her love in any way. ‘I know,’ she just whispered. ‘Sshh, it’s okay. Are you… Are you alone now?’

Dana took a few moments to answer, deeply invested in her own world and reality as she figured out why exactly she’d called Stella. ‘I’m in my apartment,’ she said. ‘But I don’t want to stay here.’ ‘No, Dana,’ Stella said to the statement that she knew had been threatening to leave Dana’s mouth. ‘That’s not a good idea.’ ‘Yeah, I know,’ Dana sighed deeply and a deep shudder shook Stella to her core as she heard defeat in Dana’s voice. ‘You are wanted here, and you are loved,’ she tried to amend. ‘I just don’t think it’s smart to do anything we haven’t talked about.’ ‘You’re right of course,’ Dana replied. ‘I just wish he’d… Done something. Got mad, yelled. I don’t know, hit a wall.’

‘He probably did, after you left.’

‘Then I wish he’d come after me, like he used to do. He’s come after me after fights before, to talk. And we’d sleep side by side and it would be the best feeling in the world.’

‘Hmm,’ Stella hummed, not familiar with the sentiment Scully spoke of but imagining what it must feel like to be able to do that for her right now. ‘He might still show up.’

‘I don’t think so,’ Scully sighed sadly. ‘Anyway I don’t know if I want him to. Not this time.’

‘Do you think it’s properly over? Do you fear that?’ Stella dared to ask, needing to understand.

‘Is it ever?’ a small voice asked her.

‘Probably not, not for you two. You have such a long history that it’s inevitable you find each other again.’

Scully sniffed again and Stella could hear her rustling around. ‘Maybe one day he can forgive me.’

‘There’s so much history and love between you two that it won’t be broken simply because of this,’ Stella said confidently. ‘Not because of me.’ ‘None of this is your fault, Stella,’ Scully said more composed than Stella had heard today. ‘It was my decision as much as it was yours and I do not regret it. I just regret the way he got caught between me and my decisions in a place that neither of us understands or ever expected to be in.’ ‘Sounds like you and me,’ Stella answered softly and she heard Scully smile. ‘Yes, it does,’ she answered. ‘I wish you were here, Stella,’ Scully confessed. ‘I miss you.’ ‘We’ll see each other soon enough,’ Stella said even though there were no plans to do so as of yet. ‘And I’ll write.’ ‘You know,’ Scully said as if she had not heard a word Stella had said, ‘What I share with Mulder is almost holy sometimes. It’s unfathomable and it lives beyond us. I can’t believe I almost destroyed it.’ ‘For me,’ Stella whispered the end of that thought and even though Scully hadn’t meant for it to sound that way she immediately felt the weight of Stella’s words. ‘No, that’s not what I meant,’ she spoke strongly. ‘Stella, don’t go there. What you and I have lives separately from what history I have with Mulder. It’s different, but not any less important. We change, our lives change.’ Stella let out a small sigh. ‘I’m not sure I believe we can inherently change.  I do believe we’ve met for a reason but I think we are the reason. There’s nothing magical or holy about it.’ ‘I disagree,’ Scully whispered, wondering how much more her heart could take at this time. ‘and I don’t want to fight. Please, Stella.’

‘No, of course, I’m sorry,’ Stella said softly, cursing herself for turning the conversation into one about their relationship. ‘I just mean to say that if I caused you to be unhappy then I regret it. A great deal.’

‘You didn’t. This conversation had to happen and I knew it wouldn’t be pleasant. He knows now, it should be a relief. It just isn’t. Not yet.’ Stella heard Scully collect herself a little. ‘Anyway, it’s late and you should be sleeping,’ Scully tried to lighten the mood. ‘I’ll leave you to it.’

‘No, talk to me some more.’

‘About what?’

‘I don’t know. Whatever you want. I like hearing your voice,’ Stella said with a small smile around her lips. ‘It’ll make me sleep better.’

‘Hmm,’ Scully hummed skeptically, grateful for Stella’s way of seeing right through her even though they were on opposite sides of the planet. ‘I don’t know what to tell you. I’ve been busy, working a lot.’

‘Tell me about you and Mulder. How did you meet?’

‘I really don’t want to do this right now,’ Scully said to Stella. ‘You don’t need to hear that.’ ‘I do,’ Stella said. ‘And you need to tell it. It’ll make you feel better, I promise.’ Scully sighed. She who didn’t do steady relationships because she didn’t trust them wanted her to talk about the most complicated, most intricate and strangest relationship in existence. ‘Okay,’ Scully conceded.

Stella felt her brain brace itself for the stories that were about to follow. She wanted to be a good friend and in turn punish herself slightly by sacrificing her pride and talking about how Dana Scully loved her man. She knew it would help, it would prove to Dana that indeed they had something that couldn’t easily be broken, but it would be painful and hard for Stella to hear. Still, she genuinely wanted Dana to tell her, just as she wanted to hold her and touch her and kiss her. She couldn’t have all those things so she settled for hearing her, listening to her voice and hoping, praying to God that she could be of any support at all.

‘Well,’ Scully started, ‘I was assigned to work with agent Fox Mulder, whose nickname was Spooky Mulder and who worked from a basement office. I had heard rumors about him but I tried not to let those form my opinion of him. When I actually met him I knew immediately it’d be interesting to work with him… I mean, he was intelligent, good-looking, different. I knew that most of all, that he was different. We worked some cases together and we formed this connection that we didn’t talk about, and it stayed with us through everything.’

‘Bad stuff?’

‘Oh yeah,’ Scully sighed. ‘But it never changed, it never faltered. It only grew stronger. It’s as if it lived beside us, you know?’

Stella didn’t know. Stella had no idea and in this singular moment she lacked the courage to tell Scully that. She’d had partners whom she trusted with her life, and she’d had relationships with people who she’d gladly give up her life for but that had always been more about her relationship with life than anything else. What she did know was that Dana had just said what she herself needed to hear. ‘It never faltered,’ Stella repeated. ‘It’s still there, Dana.’

The other end of the line was quiet for a moment. Nothing. Complete silence, until – soft, like a kittens paw on your hand – ‘I love you.’


	2. Chapter 2

If she went now she could be in DC in twelve hours.

That was the first thing that went through Stella’s mind when she heard Dana say those words. Like a train off its tracks her brain sent messages to her heart that sent it into a state of chaos, something close to panic, as every cell in her body wanted her to act and stand up and go to Dana Scully right now. But she knew she couldn’t. She had work. Dana had work. She’d just discouraged Dana from doing exactly this, so she shouldn’t even consider it herself. Still, it was different, she told herself – Dana would be running away from something. Stella, well she’d just be running, not towards something, not away from it, just running, making good time with her heart on her sleeve and her brain nowhere in sight. It seemed like a good idea. A disastrous idea, undoubtedly, but a good idea nonetheless.

‘Stella?’

Dana’s voice pulled her back into reality, back to where Dana Scully had just told her she loved her. Again. And Stella was sure it would never lose its effect on her as she was again rendered speechless, trying to keep her cool and fight every demon that decided this was a good moment to attack her heart. She pushed away her doubts and fears for a moment to focus fully on the woman on the other side of the world who currently needed her undivided attention. ‘What are you doing tomorrow?’

Dana sighed audibly and Stella felt slightly guilty, although she knew Dana hadn’t expected her to return the sentiment. They didn’t do that, she doubted if they ever would. ‘Tomorrow,’ Dana sighed. ‘I don’t know. It’s my day off, it’s my fucking birthday, for Christ’s sake.’

‘Okay,’ Stella said and made her decision. ‘Hold on.’ She pulled her laptop back onto her lap and put her phone on speaker to lay it down next to her. Within moments she’d pulled up available flights to Washington and she was happy to see that her earlier calculations had been correct – less than twelve hours. ‘Make sure you’re at home tomorrow early afternoon,’ she told Dana. ‘Why, are you going to have flowers delivered to my doorstep?’ Scully chuckled lightly and Stella felt her heart breathe a little at the sound. ‘Might be,’ was all she decided to give her before changing the subject. ‘So, your birthday. How come I did not know about this?’

‘It’s not important.’

‘It is to me,’ Stella replied. ‘There’s nothing wrong with ageing.’

‘It’s not that,’ Scully said. ‘I just don’t feel the need to put unnecessary attention on it. Anyway, you know now. I’ll be expecting those flowers.’ Stella smiled. ‘You do that.’

She hesitated for a moment and heard Scully breathe on the other end of the line. ‘Dana?’

‘Yes?’

‘Will you be okay?’

As three seconds of silence drew a picture in Stella’s brain she could imagine the shudder that would run up Dana’s arm, the way her brow would crease and how she’d bite her lip in contemplation of her answer. When Dana finally spoke Stella found that, if she closed her eyes, it almost felt like she was there. ‘Yes, I will be.’

She heard the unspoken parts possibly louder than the rest. She wasn’t, not right now, but this helped. There was also a silent plea not to ask anything of her in terms of their own relationship and its complications. And then there was the most important part, the only thing that truly mattered to Stella – I called you because I knew you would be there for me and I knew that I’d be okay if I called you. ‘Good,’ Stella answered quietly. ‘Because I need you to be okay.’

‘I don’t know what will happen,’ Scully said, somehow sounding stronger already. ‘I’ve been through this before. I mean, not this, exactly, but we’ve been separated before. It’s awkward for a while and then it’s not. It’s like the universe wants us to at least talk.’ ‘Hmm,’ Stella conceded, not really knowing what to make of Scully’s statement. ‘I think you should talk. Talking’s good. And you love him, Dana. That doesn’t have to have changed.’

‘I know.’

‘Make sure he does, too.’

‘I will, in due time. Thank you, Stella.’

‘Anytime,’ Stella sighed with a smile around her lips – Dana was the only person she’d answer her phone for at this ungodly hour. ‘I’m going to try and get some sleep and I suggest you do the same.’

‘God, I forgot what time it is over there. I’m so sorry,’ Scully said. ‘Stella, good night, I’ll text you tomorrow.’

‘I’ll talk to you then,’ Stella said. ‘Try to sleep.’

‘I will. Bye.’

The silence that stretched as Scully hung up weighed heavily on Stella’s shoulders. ‘Bye,’ she said to the nothingness in front of her and it made sense in quite a poetic way as she stood and resolutely started to pack some essentials into her carry-on suitcase. Her flight to Washington DC was set to leave in three hours.

 

 

As soon as Stella got settled into her first class seat she got her phone out. ‘Hope you’re ok. If you want to talk, I’ll be MIA for a few hours,’ she texted Dana. ‘Work.’ She knew Dana would buy her story because she would never in a million years expect her to just show up. It was against every single thing they’d agreed on, and Stella knew it was against every single thing she should even ever consider doing but she also decided that today she’d listen to her heart. Her heart, that muscle inside of her chest that had been set free in a strange kind of way going into the new year and that had been singing louder and louder just waiting for her to finally take that step and listen to it, to let it drown out the stern but wise voice of her brain. Take my hand, it sung, take my hand and leap with me, if only just this once. And today she was leaping. Leaping across a sea or two into the arms and life of a woman who had taught her that maybe the scary thing was to stand still. 

Stella was thankful when she didn’t get a response because it meant that maybe Dana was asleep after all, and as she turned her phone into airplane mode she decided to get her notebook out. She’d started writing in it again a short while ago – it had been suggested by someone that it might help her to write down feelings instead of pushing them away into an unreachable corner of her mind. She knew this, of course, but she’d kept that information to herself as she’d considered starting to write again. That way she could set her thoughts free without having to say them, and in the process she could work on banishing Spector from her brain. He’d taken her dream journal and with it her deepest secrets and she’d felt utterly exposed and naked in a way shedding clothes would never do. It had been like all her secrets, all her scars and her tears and her screams had suddenly been broadcasted out into the world and there was no taking it back. Who knew where that journal was now. Who knew what dirty fucker had it in their possession, reading it, getting off on it – No, she always tried to stop herself from going there. It was in an evidence locker somewhere in Belfast and that’s where it would stay. Maybe she could even claim it back after some time. In any case it was maybe safer now than it ever had been with her, following her around, helping her while haunting her and providing an exit while always keeping her chained to the dark sides of her brain – maybe she was lucky he’d taken it away. Maybe it had happened for a reason.

Either way, she’d bought herself a new journal – a fancy one, wine red leather cover and she’d dedicated it to the woman with fiery red hair and it was hers and hers alone. She hadn’t written in it much, yet, as she felt herself struggling with the idea of a blank page where everything seemed to be magnified instead of disappearing into insignificance and that was something that she was as of yet uncomfortable with. The first word she’d write on a blank page would soil that innocence forever, it would be the beginning of something born of grief and misery. She hadn’t been ready to commit to anything beyond simple words, so that’s all there was on the first page so far. A few lonely words trying to find their way in the sea of parchment that threatened to swallow them whole if Stella didn’t cast a piece of emotion-engrained driftwood towards them.  For some reason Stella felt the need to take out her pen and as she started writing she remembered the feeling of ink slowly settling into the page, the loops and twists of her words etching themselves onto the fabric of reality as she wrote them straight from her heart. She remembered she liked it, writing.

It could have something to do with the fact that she wasn’t writing out of desperation. The words flowing from her brain into ink carved neatly onto the paper were ones of hope, love and the future and somehow that made it easier. She wrote how she hoped the best for Dana, and how she hoped she could be a part of that. She asked herself why this had happened to them, like she had a million times before, but today it was more truthful than ever – she was making one stupid decision after another to get to Dana and somehow she couldn’t be made to care. Her brain kept reminding her in her therapist’s voice that she shouldn’t be running away, that there were things that wouldn’t ever be solved by running away from them, but she found that as long as she was aware of that fact nothing could stop her.

After a while her wrist got tired and she decided to stop and get some sleep – her rhythm was ruined and it would be a few hours until landing in the US, so she had plenty of time. Quickly reading over the words she’d written Stella sighed and put away her notebook, pulled her coat over her body like a blanket and closed her eyes.

 

Many hours later Stella strolled down the aisles at Dulles Airport towards the exit. Flying carry-on only had many advantages and she didn’t plan on staying too long so she’d packed light, cutting her time in the airport to a minimum. After texting Dana back telling her good morning Stella searched her phone for Dana’s address and hailed a cab, giving him the street before finally releasing a breath she felt like she’d been holding since she’d woken up from her sleep. There was nothing to be done about it now. A few doubts entered and exited her mind, one even less rooted in truth than the other and she banished them before they could settle too deeply – Yes, Mulder could be there. Yes, Dana might yell at her. No, she shouldn’t have done this. But she was here now anyway – and hopefully it would be so much better than flowers.

Dana texted again about ten minutes into Stella’s cab ride and a smile broke out throughout her body as Stella read it – _‘Are you not going to wish me a happy birthday? I will be waiting for my flowers.’_ She knew it was partially a lie, Scully would go about her day a she’d have planned but still the teasing brought happiness to Stella’s soul. It meant that she could actually do something right, mean something to Dana and prove to her that even though neither of them knew what they were doing, somehow they were doing it right. Her fingers moved quickly over letters to compile a witty response as she knew she’d probably be at Dana’s door within half an hour. ‘ _If you’re home I suggest you stay there. If not, don’t be too long.’_

And she was right – half an hour later she took her credit card from the driver and thanked him, taking her suitcase from the car she looked at the apartment building in front of her. It looked like something Dana might live in, she thought. It looked modern, unique, fairly new and well-maintained. Stella spotted windows that reminded her of a hotel she used to know and somehow she felt strangely at home here. Finding the entrance was easy and as someone exited the building she caught the door and suddenly she was in Dana Katherine Scully’s apartment building. Taking a moment she combed through her hair, straightened her blouse in a futile effort to collect herself and checking the number again she took the elevator to the third floor. The hallway was long, but Scully’s door was the fourth one from the elevator and in the blink of an eye Stella felt like she’d just left London two minutes ago, and here she was, across the globe at the door of her what? Friend? Girlfriend?

Raising her hand to the door she noticed she was shaking. The shiver in her bones went all the way through, starting in her chin and flowing down through her limbs into her toes like the current of the ocean continuously moving, calming and strained at the same time. Stella licked her lips and released her jaw before knocking loudly on Dana’s door. Three times. Knock, knock, knock.

‘Just a minute,’ she heard a voice, unmistakably Dana’s voice, call from inside. Good, she was home. Good?

Keys struggled to find their way into the lock and then there she was. One blue eye, focused on the lock before looking up to see who it was. One hand touching a forehead in disbelief – five fingers brushing hair away as their eyes met and recognition sparkled in Dana’s fierce pools of ice. ‘Oh my God.’

‘Delivery,’ Stella said dryly, ‘although I didn’t bring flowers.’

‘Oh my God,’ Dana repeated. She opened the door a bit further, revealing a cream colored, short, soft robe and bare feet. ‘What… How did you get here?’

‘Doesn’t matter,’ Stella said. ‘Happy birthday.’ She stepped into the space offered by Dana, let go of her suitcase and brought a sweet smile to her lips. ‘Stella,’ Dana just said. Her body softened as she reached out a hand to touch Stella’s sleeve, as if to check if this was real. Stella just let her work it out, quietly watching her as Dana closed the door and looked her up and down before turning to walk into the kitchen. ‘How… What are you doing here?’ Scully tried to form a decent sentence. ‘I thought you were at work.’ ‘I cancelled,’ Stella said quietly. ‘I took a few personal days.’

‘Can you do that?’

‘I don’t know,’ Stella said. ‘We’ll see. Dana, look at me.’ Dana turned around, softly shaking her hair behind her shoulders. ‘Fuck, you’re really here,’ she said softly, reaching out her hand again. Stella took it and pulled her in, holding her close in a hug that wasn’t a hello between simple friends. ‘It’s good to be here,’ Stella said into Dana’s hair. ‘I still don’t know why you are here but I’m glad that you are,’ Dana offered and it was all Stella needed. ‘If you need me to leave I’ll leave,’ she clarified. ‘I just needed to be here. I needed to see you.’

‘If you go now I’m coming with you,’ Dana said, releasing everything but Stella’s hand. ‘Coffee?’

‘Yes please,’ Stella smiled and followed Dana into the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm having a very hard time writing anything at the moment but I forced myself to write and publish this anyway. It's the only way I feel like I'll get out of this creative hole I'm in. Anyway, I promise I will be back soon.


	3. Chapter 3

Stella watched quietly as Dana set about making her coffee. She methodically weighed the grounds, gathered enough water for two and poured with extreme care. Her fingers played across a few cups edges before settling on two white stone mugs, carefully raising them from their place on an overcrowded shelf. Dana felt Stella’s eyes on her the entire time and glanced over. ‘You can put your things in the hallway,’ she said, ‘I’ll show you around later.’ Stella just smiled in acknowledgment but didn’t move. Her coat was still on her shoulders, her shoes still holding her up and she felt grounded because of it – she’d keep them on until the softening voice of doubt in her mind stopped telling her to keep her escape route open. It wouldn’t take long, but she needed Dana to reassure her once more, to tell her that she was welcome here and Stella knew she would once the initial shock wore off. ‘Cake?’ Dana asked over her shoulder.

Stella raised an eyebrow. ‘Yes. But I thought you didn’t intend to celebrate.’ ‘I didn’t,’ Scully shrugged, ‘but then you showed up.’ Stella stepped closer to take the mugs from Dana who was slightly struggling to carry them and the coffee maker over to the table in one go. ‘Take off your coat,’ Scully said, raising her hand to Stella’s upper arm. ‘Let me take it.’ Stella turned and found Scully well in her space, close, warm and sweet. ‘Okay,’ she whispered and fiercely met Dana’s eyes. She watched carefully as Dana’s eyes wandered from hers down to her lashes, cheeks and finally to her lips. Stella let them curl up in a silent invitation, an acknowledgment of who they were, and she was pleased to feel Dana’s other hand on her side as she stepped in even closer. ‘I never expected this,’ Scully said softly before letting her body fold into the space left by Stella’s. Their lips met softly, but surely and Stella released a sigh of relief as she remembered exactly what it was about this woman that had her spellbound. She leaned back for a second, put down the mugs on Dana’s coffee table and reached her hand into Dana’s hair to pull her closer again, using her other five fingers to curl around the belt that held soft terrycloth to Dana’s back. Stella kissed Dana like she used to, carefully touching her tongue to Dana’s lips to ask permission. She didn’t need to ask, Dana’s lips told her, and Stella deepened the kiss without wasting another breath apart. This is where she belonged. Not just whenever Dana was in distress, or when it was her birthday, but every single fucking day of the week.

Dana felt it too, and suddenly it didn’t seem so strange that Stella was there. She lived an ocean away but truly they were always together in some sense of the word. Even now, with their lips drinking each other in as if there was nothing else that mattered in the universe Dana felt as if they hadn’t really been apart. She’d just spoken to Stella yesterday, yearning for her to be closer, wanting to be able to get in a car and drive to her and now here she was, not twelve hours later, wrapped up in her arms about to enjoy a good piece of chocolate birthday cake.

Scully broke the kiss and moved her lips to peck the corner of Stella’s mouth, her cheek, her jawline and finally her lips again before pulling away. ‘Coffee,’ she said softly. ‘Cake,’ Stella smiled and released her. ‘Right,’ Scully said, brushing and curling her hair behind her ear. ‘In the fridge.’ Stella found her way easily and cut two pieces of cake before taking two small plates from Dana’s cupboard. After putting the plates down with the coffee Stella stepped away and finally removed her coat and shoes, kicking them into a corner while draping her coat over her suitcase. ‘Thank you,’ she accepted Dana’s warm smile that was waiting for her on the sofa as she joined her, taking the coffee from the table before taking a sip. As Stella sat down she realized just how tired she was, having slept a little but not enough on the flight and the initial adrenaline of coming here wearing off quickly. She sighed deeply and Scully pulled her feet up under her, shifting close to Stella. ‘So tell me again how I just spoke to you on the phone and now you’re here,’ Scully said, sipping her drink. ‘I don’t know,’ Stella admitted as she took a bite of her cake. ‘I thought it’d be nice to come and see you.’ Scully chuckled. ‘I’ll say. How long are you staying?’ ‘I don’t know,’ Stella answered. ‘I don’t have a return flight booked yet. I wanted to keep all options open.’ ‘Well you’re not leaving today,’ Scully said resolutely. ‘And not tomorrow, either.’

‘Really.’

‘Yeah.’

‘Okay,’ Stella smiled at Scully’s attempts to convince her, like she needed to be convinced to stay past today. ‘but if you need me to go tell me,’ she turned serious. ‘I am not here to get in between you and Mulder.’ ‘Right,’ Scully’s eyes turned sad for a second as she remembered her fight with Mulder. ‘He didn’t show up like you thought he might,’ she pointed out. ‘That would have been a sight,’ Stella’s eyes widened at the scenario she hadn’t even considered, ‘I could have walked in on the two of you.’ ‘Yeah,’ Scully said, ‘you could have.’ ‘That doesn’t bother you?’ Stella asked curiously. ‘No,’ Scully raised her chin defiantly. ‘You two have to meet at some point, right?’

‘Oh God,’ Stella shook her head lightly. ‘That’s not going to be pretty.’ ‘He might surprise you,’ Dana warned her. ‘He’s handsome and kind. He won’t be too awkward. A little condescending, maybe, but he’ll try to be kind.’ ‘I despise charades, and you know it,’ Stella said strongly. ‘I’d rather he be honest with us about what he feels. There’s enough pretense going around in the world anyway.’ ‘That there is,’ Scully agreed. Sighing deeply she sat back. ‘What?’ Stella said softly, turning towards Scully. ‘I just... I don’t know why we can’t just be honest about what we are to each other,’ Scully pondered and Stella was lost for a second. ‘You and Mulder? She inquired. ‘Or us?’ Scully looked at her and huffed. ‘That in itself says a lot, doesn’t it.’

Stella sighed. ‘It’s your decision, Dana,’ she said softly. ‘I don’t know half of your history with Mulder but I do know what we have and what it means. I just need you to make a decision.’

‘I don’t want you to wait for something I don’t know when I’ll be ready to give,’ Dana said quietly.

‘And I’m not used to waiting for others. But I’m waiting for you.’

‘No pressure,’ Dana chuckled sarcastically. ‘Dana,’ Stella said seriously, finding Scully’s eyes in a room that felt more and more like a spinning maze. ‘No pressure. I just need you to be honest with me.’ Scully nodded. ‘I know. And I am. I told him about us, and I know we’re not together anymore, me and Mulder. I just don’t know sometimes how this would work out.’ ‘Don’t think about that now,’ Stella said. ‘I’m not here for that. I’m here because I want to be with you and because I think you could use a friend. Whatever else happens is up to you.’ Slowly her eyes found their way through the maze, guided by the truthful blue light in Dana’s eyes – Dana wouldn’t lead her astray. Their relationship might be difficult and it might be unconventional but if anything it was honest and true. That was the most challenging part of it – it was soul-baring, heart crushingly open and sometimes uncomfortably honest and raw and Stella was just learning to navigate all of those obstacles and even though it was difficult, it was the most rewarding thing she’d ever done.

Stella needed to remind herself that they were each other’s guiding lights in this, this thing they could call a relationship. If one of them dared she was sure the other would accept it, but she also knew she wasn’t there yet and she was pretty sure Scully wasn’t, either. However they got closer and closer each day, with each word spoken and written to one another they told their souls what they needed to hear – I’m not going anywhere. If you need me I will be here, forever, in whatever way you need me to. It’s why Stella had traveled with her heart on her sleeve all the way across to America, because when her soul mate called she couldn’t possibly not answer. Stella didn’t believe in soul mates, she never had.  She still didn’t, but it was the closest she could get to an explanation to what this was. Watching Dana’s face struggle with emotions, whichever emotions that might be, was something that hit her deeply in her core and it was an addictive feeling. She knew a thing or two about addiction and she knew first and foremost that she was already way past the point of no return. She’d recognized a few of those, categorized passing one as a mistake and another as an impossible choice as she’d consciously taken this path that brought her here. She had known pain would follow and she’d looked conflict in the eye and still passed it without a second thought. So as she watched Dana’s bottom lip tense and as she saw the slight shaking of her golden red locks she couldn’t help but reach out, shift closer and pull Dana’s cheek down to her shoulder where she would find strength, peace and no answers, but no questions either.

Scully let Stella pull her closer and tried to relax into her arms. This was all she’d needed from Mulder yesterday, a hug, and even though she hadn’t expected one she had still been disappointed to be going to bed alone. To feel something and to say it out loud were two completely different things and she’d experienced that more than once over the past year and a half.

‘I didn’t even tell you what I told Mulder about us,’ she said softly once she’d regained the strength to speak. Stella turned her chin into Dana’s hair, letting her hand drop to hold Dana’s fingers underneath her own. ‘You haven’t,’ she confirmed, ‘but I’m sure you will in due time.’ ‘You don’t want to know?’ Scully asked curiously. Of course Stella wanted to know, but the doubts and insecurities that raged through her heart when she thought about it were of no purpose or use to her so she worked hard to suppress them. ‘I’m sure you’ll tell me when you are ready,’ she replied calmly. Scully sighed into Stella’s blouse, rippling the fabric a little. Stella felt her warm breath on her skin and her heart fluttered in response to Dana’s signs of life.

Scully sat up and sipped her coffee for courage before melting back into position, her body fitting perfectly sideways against Stella’s on her sofa. She pulled her legs up over Stella’s thighs and sat up for a second to allow Stella to wrap her arm around Dana’s midsection. Scully did the same and soon they were in a position in which Dana was sure she’d fall asleep if she stayed for too long. ‘I told him I fell in love in New York,’ she started slowly. Stella heard the trembling in Dana’s voice and knew to stay quiet, allowing the words that were left unspoken to fill every molecule in the room. Her mind was transported back to that wondrous week when everything had changed. She let Scully’s voice tell their story as she closed her eyes, relaxing back into the warmth of Dana’s presence.

‘I told him I fell in love and he asked who ‘he’ was. He made it so easy, I just said that actually it was a woman and he didn’t even really question it. I told him you were with the Met and explained why you were there. He was a bit stuck on the part where we were in love, I think because all he asked was if it was love at first sight and how I knew you felt the same. I think he wanted to ask me how I knew he loved me all those years ago.’

‘Hmmm,’ Stella hummed into Dana’s hair.

‘So,’ Scully continued, ‘I tried to explain what I felt. How we connected and how you listened and understood me. I listen to you, he said, and he said something like ‘God I don’t understand you but I think sometimes you don’t want me to.’ And that’s true, I don’t, because we’ve never needed or learned to use words to understand each other. Most of our fights are when we try to understand each other. And then we stop talking, and we just are together and it works.’ Stella detected a slight break in Dana’s voice and as she looked down she noticed a tear running down Dana’s cheek. She leaned back again, pulling Dana a little closer to offer the support she’d come here to give and allowed her to continue on her own terms. ‘I haven’t been in love with him for a while and he knows it. I think he still loves me, I don’t know if he can ever stop. But he doesn’t want to hold me back so he’ll let me go if that’s what I want.’ ‘Is it?’ Stella asked before she could stop herself. ‘Yes,’ Scully answered instantly and firmly to Stella’s surprise. ‘Yes, it is, because I haven’t lived for me for a while and I want that.’ Stella nodded lightly. ‘I can see that.’ ‘It’s not that I’ve felt trapped, it’s actually the opposite. I feel like I’ve been floating without purpose, towards him and at times away from him and I’m ready to stop that. To put my feet on the ground, so to speak.’ Scully disentangled herself from Stella and grabbed her coffee again, taking a big sip. She sat on the edge of the sofa and looked back to where Stella opened her eyes, head still leaned back on the sofa and her arm still open to curl around Dana’s body again. ‘And where does Mulder fit into that new life?’ Stella asked quietly. ‘Where do I fit?’

Scully’s face turned blank for a moment before a spark returned to her eyes. ‘Mulder will always be a part of my life. And you, you wouldn’t let me tell you where you fit. I’ll have to find that out myself.’

‘Maybe for once I’d like to be told,’ Stella teased lightly. Scully feigned contemplation, a frown adorning her forehead as she sat back against the couch. She opened her arm towards Stella, who was regarding her curiously. ‘I think I’d like you to fit right here,’ Scully said, eyes moving from Stella down to the spot right beside her. Stella pursed her lips, sat up to calmly take a bite of cake before swallowing it and licking her lips. ‘Okay,’ she just said, and folding her legs up on the couch next to her she looked Dana over for a few long seconds with a contemplative smile on her face before curling her body gracefully in the space allowed by Dana’s arm. A sigh filled both their bodies and left them relaxed and calm, together, with many words unspoken but the most important ones always on their minds. ‘I’m glad you’re here,’ Dana said softly, her hand coming to lace Stella’s fingers through her own. ‘Always,’ Stella just said, and even though she hated the way she sounded she realized that maybe it was time to stop hating it and to just accept that sometimes the words she feared the most were the only ones that were right.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took a bit of a writing hiatus with the All About Eve craziness going on. I fell head over heels in love with Margo Channing and even more deeply in love with Gillian than I already was so I had a bit of trouble distancing myself from that and also differentiating between vulnerable Margo and vulnerable Stella, which I thought was interesting as they are completely different characters. However, I seem to have found Stella and Scully again. Prepare for some smut, because that's what you're getting - you've waited long enough.   
> Enjoy.

After about thirty minutes of occasional sips of coffee and nibbles of cake Scully released her arm from around the back of the couch. She sat up and looked back at Stella, who had a lazy content smile pointed at her, eyes slowly searching Scully’s face. ‘Should we do something? Get out of the house?’ Scully asked. Stella licked her lips and shifted a little on the sofa. ‘We could,’ she stated, ‘it’s up to you.’ ‘You’re putting a lot of responsibility on me,’ Scully noted with a tiny frown. It was meant partially as a joke but Stella mostly picked up on the serious undertone and she sighed. ‘All right, then yes, let’s get out of the house. Take me to dinner later.’ She let her hand wander across Dana’s thigh before standing up and putting their empty plates on the kitchen counter. ‘Are you sure you don’t mind me staying here?’ ‘Absolutely,’ Scully replied as she watched Stella move around her house. ‘In that case, can I take a shower before we go?’ Stella asked over her shoulder, smiling as she caught Dana looking at her. ‘What?’ 

‘You look good,’ Scully just said. A few seconds of silence stretched between them as Stella allowed her confidence to fill the room and encompass Dana. She watched as Scully stood up and walked over to her, coming to stand in front of Stella with one hand dangerously close to hers on the counter. ‘Bathroom’s upstairs. I’ll show you.’ ‘You do that,’ Stella almost whispered. She resisted the urge to kiss Dana but the tangible electricity sparkling between them was felt and welcomed by both. Dana turned away and bowed her head, exiting towards the stairs. Stella smiled, got her suitcase and followed her upstairs. 

Scully quickly showed Stella around, indicating the bathroom and quickly making sure Stella knew she could use anything she needed. ‘I assume you’d like to know where you’ll be sleeping,’ Scully added confidently when she finished showing Stella where to find towels. Stella cocked her head to the side and squinted at her. ‘Here,’ Scully added with a smile, opening the door to her bedroom. ‘I’ll leave you to your shower, since our track record with showers hasn’t exactly been great.’ Stella shrugged. ‘This one could be different. Also, I don’t remember complaining.’ Scully blushed a little remembering every time a shower had been part of their life. They were fond memories, but she remembered tears being part of every shower she took with Stella and she wasn’t ready for that. She turned to leave. ‘Anything else you think you’ll need?’ she asked Stella. ‘Well,’ Stella said, ‘come here for a second.’ Scully smiled, because it wasn’t what Stella needed but what Stella had seen Scully hadn’t dared to ask for herself. That was one of the things about this relationship that still amazed her – They saw in each other the things they couldn’t identify or face in themselves, every need and want that went unspoken within themselves was clear as an evening star in a night blue sky when they looked at the other. That seamless filling of gaps, that endless and selfless support was the one thing they hadn’t anticipated or known they needed but it had been a revelation to for once not have to ask for it. So Scully just accepted it. Accepted that yes, she needed a hug, and Stella had known before she’d even walked through the door. If anything, it was probably her reason for coming. As she turned to look at Stella she found her already waiting, eyes soft and warm, one arm outstretched to take her hand and pull her in. As Scully wrapped one hand around Stella’s and the other around Stella’s shoulders she felt something inside of her snap and break. It wasn’t a bad feeling, but it was a feeling and recently many feelings caused tears. ‘It’s okay,’ Stella just said. ‘You’re okay.’ She released Scully’s hand to wrap both around her tiny body, feeling the trembling of her spine as Scully’s tears went from a slow descent to a full autumnal storm. Stella just held her, pushing her cheek into Scully’s hair, breathing her in and trying to keep away everything Scully would need protection from. She heard Scully mumble something into her shoulder and she knew it was an apology of some sorts, unnecessary and unwanted but Stella understood and nodded into her bright red locks. Apology accepted. ‘Now I suppose you could join me in the shower,’ Stella said softly into Dana’s hair. Scully nodded. ‘I suppose I could,’ she mumbled and Stella released her. ‘Come on, then.’

Stella, too, knew and remembered the tears that had been shed in the showers they’d shared. She also knew the fragility of Scully’s mental state at the moment and she had no intention of playing with its fine balance. And although it seemed inevitable in their current situation Stella also understood Scully’s need to be strong for a little while. They’d spent so many minutes together crying, and while they both really didn’t care it was still something neither of them was used to doing. Leaning back to look at Scully Stella saw the fresh streaks of tears run across the planes of her cheeks. She smiled a small smile, reassuring Dana that it was okay and that there was no shame to be felt as she walked the few steps backwards into the shower. She got a towel from where Dana had shown her and without bothering to unpack anything Stella turned on the shower and started to quietly undress, all the while regarding Dana through slightly hooded eyes. There was no pressure and no provocation but still Dana smiled wickedly as she decided to join Stella, the prospect of running her hands over Stella’s slick, soft skin an offer she could never decline. 

A car outside honked and a guy yelled, and it broke Stella’s serious stare and caused them both to giggle at the slight awkwardness of their situation. Stella reached her hand out to Dana again as she finished undressing and pulled her close for a chaste kiss on her lips before turning to adjust the temperature of the water. Dana smiled to herself, collected another towel on top of Stella’s,  threw her bathrobe on the hook by the door and pulled off the last items of her clothing before putting her hand lightly on Stella’s lower back. Stella was leaning in to the shower and looked back over her shoulder. ‘Let me know if it’s too hot,’ she said before stepping in. Scully shook her head and watched how Stella twisted her hair up into a ponytail and  tied  it with a hair tie that had been around her wrist. Scully did the same and joined Stella in the shower, quickly stepping in close to get under the hot currant to rinse her face. As she stepped back and opened her eyes she caught Stella looking her over slowly and appreciatively and Scully’s mouth curled up in invitation. Stella didn’t say anything but slowly pushed Scully into the back wall, her intentions clear as her hands raised themselves to Scully’s upper arms. There it was again, that hot and cold conundrum of desire and care that somehow fit seamlessly together  in the space occupying the void left by their bodies , creating safety and warmth and need in every molecule rising between them. Goose bumps rose on Scully’s skin and Stella let her lips fall to Scully’s shoulders, her hands traveling up and down Dana’s arms in an attempt to keep her warm but also to make sure she wouldn’t leave. Scully accepted Stella’s touch willingly as she’d been carving it for a while, but somehow it felt wrong to just let it happen so she lifted her leg to hook around Stella’s hip and pull her closer. But Stella pushed her knee down softly, smiled into her skin and slid her hand down to the wrist coming up to grab Stella’s upper arm – Stella was here to give, that much was clear. ‘Let me,’ she just said softly, and Scully nodded even though there was no way Stella could see with her eyes and lips buried somewhere between Scully’s collarbone and breast, crossing to listen to her heartbeat before lowering herself to Dana’s breasts. Scully sighed deeply, trembling, and Stella shot her a look to check if everything was okay. Their eyes met halfway and a pang of need shot through both of them. Scully gasped and Stella let her eyes roll shut again as she continued her path downwards. Her fingers came to play softly over Scully’s sides, and Stella felt  Dana’s  skin react to her light touch as a moth to a flame – it was maybe the most honest and pure reaction she had ever felt and it touched her deeply. 

As Stella’s brain desperately dug through its vocabulary to find the words to tell Dana how she felt,  her body translated it effortlessly as her lips had found their way to Scullys’nipples again. Stella felt Dana press her skin to her lips, firmly, demanding without demand to be touched and to be loved. Stella gave everything she could, encircling Scully with her arms and holding her close as her back straightened to keep Scully up as high as she  could manage , wanting nothing more than to devour and reclaim Dana’s breasts as hers. She did, softly, then a bit harder as she felt Dana’s encouraging gasps and her nails softly digging into her shoulders. 

Scully  felt every part of her body respond to Stella and she wondered for a millisecond how this had happened. She felt Stella’s lips on her nipple, teasing it into a hard peak as her nails softly caressed the skin over her ribs until Scully had no choice but to adjust her breathing to Stella’s rhythm. There was no doubt as to who was in charge and Scully wouldn’t want it any other way. Scully let her head fall back against the tiles, giving up on avoiding the cold and finding it hotter than anything to have Stella orchestrate such flames inside of her that the cold didn’t seem to have any chance. It had been a while since she’d made love to anyone – or touched herself even, and her body responded with such vigor that Stella couldn’t help but smile widely into Dana’s skin. Stella’s lips dragged a path from one breast to the other as her hands started to wander downwards, slowly but surely dragging the tips of her nails closer and closer to where Scully wanted them most. Scully shivered and sighed as Stella changed direction, prolonging the wait, and Dana tangled her fingers through Stella’s hair to try and steer her. Scully pulled her up to her lips again, missing the warmth of Stella’s tongue on her body but needing to kiss her more than anything, and she felt Stella’s hair give a little in the ponytail. Scully loosened her grip and let her hand curl around Stella’s jawline, framing her perfect face, letting her thumb stroke softly as she kissed her deeply. Stella’s tongue found Dana’s in an instant, taking back control  as well as reassuring Dana that she knew, she felt it all, and she was okay with feeling. 

Soon Dana could no longer hide the desire running through her body and as she slowly pushed her hips into Stella’s she broke the kiss to throw her head back again. Stella’s hands roamed up to Dana’s hands, stroked them once and moved back, pushing her lightly into the tiles again and pressing their love and desire straight into Scully’s skin like an invisible ink writing a love letter across a blank piece of paper. Scully closed her eyes and just allowed it to happen as she felt Stella’s tongue on her neck again. Stella bit softly, something Scully knew would leave a mark on her fair complexion, and she moaned deeply. ‘my God, Stella,’ she whispered. ‘Touch me.’ Stella complied, of course, with a force and emotion that Scully hadn’t seen before. She pulled Scully’s leg up this time, wrapping it around her hip, wasting to time to slide her fingers along and around Scully’s thighs to where Dana needed her to go. Stella reveled in Dana’s responsiveness, feeling her fingers curl around her upper arms and into her hair made her hot knowing what those hands could do but she focused on Dana’s pleasure as she shifted her body to touch Dana’s pussy. Dana gasped and Stella smiled into her skin before finding their position slightly uncomfortable. ‘Hold on,’ she whispered into Dana’s neck as she carefully released her for a moment only to lift her and turn to push her softly against the other shower wall,  the water now pouring down on Stella’s back, adding another sensation as Scully felt the light shower mist drizzle down between Stella’s fingers. Stella quickly resumed her former position, pushing one of Dana’s legs to the floor to give her a little more freedom of movement, and her hand found its way back to Dana’s lower lips with a lover’s ease. ‘I missed you,’ Stella murmured into Dana’s collarbone. ‘Missed you too,’ Scully managed, breathing loudly. ‘So much.’ ‘Sshh,’ Stella shushed her as she spread Dana’s wetness through her folds. ‘Don’t talk.’ ‘It won’t disappear,’ Scully said more clearly than she’d thought she’d be able to manage and Stella lifted her eyes to Dana’s face for a moment. Scully kept her eyes closed, feeling Stella’s on her, knowing that looking at her now would break the moment and make them emotional in a way that she hadn’t meant. Stella swallowed and responded with fire as she entered Dana with two fingers, using her thumb to circle Dana’s clit. ‘Oh yes,’ Scully sighed loudly. She already felt a tingle low in her belly, her entire body being on edge with Stella being so close and Scully knew it wouldn’t take long for Stella to make her come. Stella’s free hand slid down along Dana’s spine and further down to her ass, pulling her close, trapping her hand between them to create friction. Scully dug her nails into Stella’s shoulders before blindly directing Stella’s face up to hers to kiss her. Their lips met openly in a wet kiss that was more a dueling of their tongues than anything else and Stella listened as a stream of meaningless words and syllables fell from Dana’s lips in a whisper that had no actual meaning but spoke of more than any words ever could. Dana turned her cheek to gasp for air and Stella buried her chin in the curve of her neck. Stella pressed on, using her thumb on Dana’s clit, feeling her inner walls respond readily and greedily to her rhythm. The way Dana’s body rose and fell with every touch had always deeply encouraged her but today Scully seemed even more responsive, more open and more vulnerable and ready than ever before and it caused her heart to beat faster than she was used to, faster than she was comfortable with even. However like so many times before the fact that Scully seemed to have no issue exposing herself like this made it an acceptable risk for Stella. She was still in control, and even if she knew there was probably a lot of pain waiting for both of them somewhere down this line she was willing to set that aside for a moment and deal with it when that time would come instead of shield herself from it right now. Right now only one thing mattered and that thing was wrapped around her like a cat, begging her to continue with her body and soul and Stella couldn’t possibly deny her anything. She pumped her fingers in and out, curling them, massaging Dana’s inner walls that tightened around her as her voice became more breathless and beautiful with every moan that escaped her. ‘You’re so beautiful,’ Stella whispered into Dana’s neck, her lips close to Dana’s ear. ‘It almost hurts me, you’re so beautiful.’ Scully hardly registered her words as Stella’s mere tone was enough to make her open her eyes and look down at their bodies. She saw their skins slide against each other, their arms and legs tied together in the completely beautiful riddle that was their entire lives but it was even more perfect than Scully remembered. ‘Look at me,’ she whispered, barely audible but Stella heard her anyway and leaned back a little to search for Dana’s eyes. ‘I’m here, love,’ Stella said reverently and Dana frowned in concentration as she tried to hang on, tried to record the look in Stella’s eyes to save it for when she wouldn’t be there. Stella must have seen some desperation and understood because she raised her chin, bit her lip and captured Scully’s lips in a passionate kiss before finding her eyes again. ‘I’m here,’ Stella repeated and tightened her hold on Dana’s body. Scully focused on Stella’s thumb as it drove her higher and higher until there was no place left to soar as Stella’s teeth sunk into her shoulder and her fingers motioned for her body to surrender itself to their touch. Stella felt Dana’s body tense as her lungs emptied themselves on a silent scream, one that called for Stella, a call that was heard loud and clear as Stella’s fingers slowed and her thumb kept the pressure on as her lips captured Dana’s in a kiss that promised things their lips weren’t ready to speak out loud. Stella felt Dana’s orgasm ripple through both their bodies and held her close, helping her to prolong the feeling as long as possible until finally Scully released the death grip on Stella’s arms and pulled her close. Stella carefully released Scully’s body, avoiding her oversensitive parts as she held Dana close and waited for her body to calm down enough for her to move. She felt Dana’s trembling knees against her own and wrapped her arms around Dana’s waist to hold her up if they gave out. Dana gladly accepted the support and let her hand knead their way down Stella’s back as she leaned her forehead against hers. A lock of Stella’s hair had escaped its restraints and fell across their faces, tickling Scully’s cheek. Dana sighed deeply and chuckled as Stella’s blond curl danced on the wind before falling back onto her cheek. ‘I’ve missed you,’ she said softly again, because it was the only thing she could manage. ‘Hhmm,’ Stella acknowledged but didn’t move. 

Scully swallowed and let her hands skim up Stella’s sides to circle around to her breasts. ‘Let me see you,’ she asked quietly, finding the strength to raise herself and step back off the wall maneuvering Stella back, avoiding the relentless downpour of the shower to have it fall down beside them over both their shoulders. Stella  watched as Scully  dropped her hands and  let her eyes roam over her body slowly, taking in the fact that she  w as actually here as well as giving herself time to decide her next move. Her eyes fell to Stella’s hipbone, where she saw what appeared to be a relatively new tattoo that she hadn’t noticed before. ‘I like that,’ Scully commented quietly, letting her fingertips skim over the perfect circle imprinted on Stella’s skin. ‘It reminds me of you,’ Stella admitted quietly. Scully smiled and let her thumb slide across it one last time before following the lines of Stella’s body  back up to her breasts.  She let her fingers and palms of her hands whisper across Stella’s nipples, teasing them before kneading her soft flesh in both hands. Stella searched for Dana’s lips again and reached up into Scully’s hair to slowly pull the hair tie from Dana’s locks. Scully kissed her and pulled back to look at Stella to watch wordlessly as Stella raked her fingers through Scully’s slightly curly locks. ‘It’s so long,’ Stella commented, and Scully quietly thanked work for coming between her and the hairdressers appointment she’d had planned last week. ‘I wanted to cut it,’ she admitted softly. ‘I’m happy you didn’t,’ Stella said hoarsely and kissed her again, putting her hands on Dana’s wrists to direct them to her body. Dana pushed her body closer, seeking as much skin to skin contact as humanly possible as she pressed her fingers into Stella’s spine. Scully felt a rush of pride run through her as she felt Stella’s body ripple with pleasure at her touch. Stella’s breath hitched and slowly Scully felt her relax into her touch, her body melting into Dana’s hands like candle wax. ‘Relax,’ she whispered into Stella’s skin and Stella leaned her head back, exposing her neck and allowing Dana to mark the skin there like she’d marked hers.  Scully did so carefully, but surely as Stella felt the slight sting of bruised skin penetrate her senses. Stella ran her hands back up Dana’s sides as well, wanting to give her more but finding Scully’s fingers on her too enchanting to want to focus on anything else. She let Dana massage her travel-sore muscles for a while, enjoying the waves of soft pleasure that ran through her as every ounce of tension left her body together with her resolve. When Scully moved her lips up over Stella’s chin to capture her lips again Stella smiled into her mouth and reached behind her to catch her wrists, pinning them behind Scully’s back in a fluent, unexpected movement. ‘I wasn’t done,’ she whispered into Dana’s mouth and she felt her lips curl up as her burning cheeks betrayed her arousal. Stella pressed their breasts together even closer, watching the droplets of water disappear between their cleavages before using her tongue to trace a path up Scully’s neck. Dana pressed her body up into Stella’s, surrendering to her touch quickly and willingly because she’d been torn deciding between touching Stella or being touched by Stella and she’d needed someone to make the decision for her, and of course there she’d been – She who had learned to decide for others at a very young age, and she who was just discovering how to decide for herself was there and Scully would follow wherever she’d lead. 

Skillfully Stella traced Dana’s entire body with her hands, making sure Dana knew not to move her own with a simple raise of her eyebrow at Dana’s questioning look. Scully accepted her fate readily, leaning back into her shower wall again, watching Stella’s naked body move and curl around hers in a dance that was both quiet and creating the most beautiful music within them. Stella moved down slowly, leaving no guesses as to where she was headed, kissing every part of Dana’s body she encountered along the way until she reached the apex of her thighs. With one hand she directed Scully to raise one leg over her shoulder and Scully moaned at the prospect, finding it utterly erotic to have Stella guide her like this. Stella’s hands moved confidently but softly, leaving trails blazing with fire on Scully’s skin and unable to stop herself she dug her fingers in Stella’s hair again. Stella allowed it, softly bit the skin of Dana’s upper thigh and with one hand on Dana’s leg she moved in to touch her clit with her tongue. Carefully at first, testing her, making sure Dana was comfortable before growing more confident, more persistent and with Dana’s noises to guide her Stella explored her inner folds. ‘Sweet Jesus,’ Scully cursed and pulled Stella closer. She heard Stella wince slightly. ‘Sorry,’ she apologised, looking down to make sure Stella was all right.

Stella shot her a look that she wouldn’t easily forget. Stella Gibson, buried between her legs, blond curls falling in disarray from a slightly disheveled ponytail looking up at her with two cloudy gray eyes was something that would stay with her until she was old and gray herself.

And even then, Scully thought on a wicked smile, it would probably still manage to fuel her dreams.


	5. Chapter 5

There was no sound in the room other than Dana’s breathing and the water relentlessly pouring down on the both of them as their eyes met and quiet promises were made. Stella still didn’t know what had possessed her to fly to the United States on a whim, and even though she didn’t dare to vocalize the feeling she knew the reason was looking down at her at this very moment.  All that mattered was her, everything in her entire life had always been and would always be for her. Stella felt it somewhere deep down, and she knew it would take a long time for her to be okay with the implications of that but she also realized that it wasn’t a bad thing. She was strong by herself, but together with Dana she would be invincible. To have Dana by her side wouldn’t take away from her personal strength, it would only enhance what she could already do and fill in the gaps of her life with joy and happiness. Because yes – even if she tried to deny it to everyone including herself there were gaps in her life. She missed this woman when she wasn’t around, she listened for her voice in crowded rooms, looked for her particular shade of red on a busy street and yearned for her touch when she wasn’t in bed with Dana Katherine Scully.  Quietly she’d come into Stella’s life and into her heart and quietly she’d settled, making no plans whatsoever to leave and as Stella smiled a crooked smile towards an angel looking down at her she realized that maybe, just maybe, she’d been on the path home all along.

Their eyes held each other for a few blissful moments before Stella returned her attention to Dana’s clit. Scully let her head fall back against the wall as her heel dug into Stella’s spine, the need for any and all skin-to-skin contact almost too overwhelming for Dana to accept the rules about the use of her hands. She obediently kept them in Stella’s hair, directing her when Stella asked her to by slowing down and just loosely holding her head close when Stella seemed to be doing a fine job by herself. One of Stella’s hands eventually travelled up Dana’s side and Dana took it, clasping their fingers together and holding on to Stella for dear life as she created another storm inside Dana’s body. It started more slowly this time, quieter, and Scully felt it come from deeper within when everything finally came together. Stella’s hands set her on fire, her tongue ignited the fuel of her soul and their hands clasped firmly together rooted Scully in a way she hadn’t known she needed. Her entire body shivered as Stella focused her wet mouth around Dana’s pleasure and her second orgasm came hurling to the surface like a rumbling avalanche of snow and sparkles impossible to stop. Stella calmly replaced her mouth with her hand as she made sure to keep Dana’s rhythm, focusing her gaze upon Dana’s face as she watched it contort in ecstasy.

Scully focused completely on the feeling that threatened to overtake her. A black hole, followed closely by millions and millions of stars appeared before her eyes as she slowly watched Stella disappear and return to her vision as she guided her through to the other end. This time the leg that was on the floor did give out and Stella just caught her as Dana slipped unceremoniously to the floor. ‘Hold on,’ Scully muttered but Stella just joined her, kneeling on the shower floor, wiping Scully’s hair from her face as she observed how she slowly found herself again. ‘Good?’ Stella smiled softly. Still unable to form sentences Scully just nodded and reached for her, wrapping her hands around Stella’s neck and pulling her in for a fierce kiss. Scully tried to sit up, tried to pull herself back onto her knees to straddle Stella but Stella wouldn’t have it. ‘Calm down,’ she chuckled, ‘you’re going to hurt yourself. Or me.’ ‘But I want to…’ Scully didn’t finish her sentence, knowing full well that her intentions were clear. ‘You will, love,’ Stella reassured her calmly. ‘Later. Happy birthday.’  Scully chuckled and attempted once more unsuccessfully to get up. ‘All right,’ she conceded, leaning her head against Stella’s frame. ‘But tonight you are mine.’ Stella smiled and clasped her fingers through Scully’s again. ‘Looking forward to it.’

A few minutes later Stella stood and offered Scully her hand to help her up. They quickly showered, Scully washed her hair and Stella helped wordlessly as they fully came into themselves again in each other’s presence. Twenty minutes later Scully was still drying her hair wearing just her underwear as Stella fixed her slightly smudged waterproof mascara while wrapped in a massive towel. ‘Do you want to go out now or wait a bit?’ Scully asked, unsure. ‘Let me unpack some things first,’ Stella replied and Scully nodded. She watched as Stella unapologetically slipped on Scully’s slippers and moved into the bedroom across the hall. Scully chuckled and shook her head lightly to herself, still slightly shaky from what Stella had done to her. Left to her own thoughts Scully let her mind wander back to the images they’d created just now and she felt her cheeks redden. The ghosts of their experience would forever live in her bathroom, and Scully was grateful – she’d need to call upon them when times got tough.

A loud knock on the door startled them both. ‘Scully?’ a voice sounded through the apartment. Stella appeared in the bedroom doorway, still dressed in her towel, and Scully threw her a mortified look. ‘Mulder.’

Stella nodded. ‘Okay. I’ll get dressed.’ Scully opened her mouth to say something but she felt the words get trapped in her throat. Stella turned away and Mulder’s voice sounded again, more urgently this time. ‘Scully?’ Scully quickly threw on leggings and a T-shirt and made for the door. Stella quietly opened her suitcase and grabbed pants and a blouse before quietly sitting on the edge of Scully’s bed. She listened to the conversation going on by the door.

‘Mulder, what are you doing here?’ She heard Scully greet the man she was anxious to meet.

Scully stared at Mulder, not sure what to do or say. Why was he here?

‘Happy birthday,’ Mulder said, raising his eyebrows, hoping Scully would accept this as a valid enough reason for him to show up. ‘Thanks,’ Scully whispered. ‘What’s wrong?’ he asked. ‘You’ve got to be kidding me,’ Scully replied, meeting his eyes with an incredulous look on her face. ‘What’s wrong? Where were you yesterday? Do you not remember what happened?’ Mulder looked at his feet. ‘Of course I remember. I don’t want it to stand between us, Scully. We need to talk about it and I wanted to see you on your birthday. So here I am.’ ‘Indeed you are,’ Scully said quietly to herself. ‘I’m busy, can you come back later? Or can we meet somewhere?’ she asked, hoping to send him away for now. She did not need him in her house now that Stella was here. Also, she felt overwhelmed and confused and unable to form a single thought that wasn’t riddled with confusion, so she needed him to leave. ‘Look, Scully,’ Mulder started, stepping into the doorway past Dana’s body. She allowed it, because she didn’t need him becoming suspicious, but she caught herself hoping Stella would stay out of sight and she didn’t like that thought one bit. ‘I was... shocked, yesterday,’ Mulder continued. ‘I’m not sure what happened between us and between you and that woman but we need to talk about it. I mean… You barely know her, right? How can you love her?’ Scully frowned. ‘Did you come here to question my loyalty? Because if you did then that’s the door and I’ll speak to you later. You know my loyalty always lies with you. I love you, Mulder, and I always will. But I’m no longer in love with you.’

‘No,’ Mulder stepped back, sarcasm dripping from his voice. ‘You are in love with a woman from London whom you met in New York. You know, this sounds more like a cheap novel than any X-file we’ve come across.’

‘I’d hoped for a little more respect and support, Mulder,’ Scully said softly. Mulder reached out his hand and dropped it again, a futile movement, as pointless as their conversation. He looked around the hallway. Stella’s coat was on the hanger and her shoes lay discarded next to Scully’s and Scully found herself hoping Mulder wouldn’t notice them. He didn’t seem to as his eyes went through the entire space before settling back on Scully’s face. ‘We need to talk, Scully,’ he repeated. ‘I understand you need time but I need to understand. You can’t just leave me like that again.’ Scully sighed. ‘I always had my reasons for leaving,’ she said, a warning tone to her voice. ‘And you always had your reasons for coming back,’ Mulder reminded her and tears came to Scully’s eyes. ‘I did, but me staying would require some work on your part as well and as of late I’ve discovered that this just isn’t working anymore. I need to change things, Mulder. For myself.’ Mulder regarded her as he seemed to hear her words and reluctantly accept them as an answer for now. He lowered his head and looked at her with his hands in his sides. ‘Okay,’ he shrugged. ‘I don’t know what else to say. It’s clear you don’t want me here. I don’t want to push you so I’ll leave, and you come find me when you’re ready to talk, okay?’ Scully nodded wordlessly, feeling her tears finally escape her eyes and wander down her freshly showered cheek.

Mulder turned towards the door and she followed, holding the side of the door with one hand, the other on the doorframe. Mulder turned around once he’d stepped outside. ‘She’s here, isn’t she,’ he stated, and even though it was technically meant as a question neither of them treated it as such. Scully’s heart froze over as she saw Mulder’s pained expression, his eyes pleading with her just to tell the truth, to not hide anything from him. She felt herself nod, biting her lip to stop the silent tears from falling. Mulder nodded with her, pursing his lips. ‘Was she here yesterday?’

‘No,’ Scully whispered, ‘she just arrived a few hours ago. It wasn’t a planned visit.’

Stella, who had discretely been listening to the conversation, ready to turn away at any point decided that this was a good time to make her acquaintance with Mulder, the man she’d heard so much about but really knew so little of. She slowly appeared on the top of the stairs and made her way down to where Dana heard her approach. She watched as Scully turned towards her, freshly stained cheeks slightly reddened in emotional distress and two eyes begging of her to… to do what? She approached the door and let her lip curl up in a short, reassuring smile towards Dana before grabbing her coat that held all her essentials. ‘Hello,’ she acknowledged Mulder before turning to Dana. ‘I’ll leave you two to it, give me a call when you’re up to it.’

‘No,’ Dana said firmly, putting her hand on Stella’s lower arm. ‘Fox, this is Stella,’ she turned to Mulder. Mulder watched their interaction and tried to comprehend what was going on. It was a vision, these two women before him who, in his own words, barely knew each other but seemed to gravitate with and towards each other seamlessly. He observed how Stella took in Scully’s words, stepped back respectfully and finally met his eyes to play along in Dana’s need for a formal introduction. ‘How do you do,’ she said politely, outstretching her hand. Mulder shook it, looked her over and sighed deeply. ‘Fox Mulder, Scully’s partner,’ he said and cringed inwardly. They were no partners, not anymore. Were they?

‘Stella Gibson,’ Stella just responded before she let go of Fox’ hand and moved back behind Dana who was clear in her intention to have Stella stay. ‘Well,’ Mulder said, looking from Dana to Stella and back. ‘It seems three is a crowd. He stepped in closer to Scully to say something not meant for Stella’s ears. ‘She’s hot, I’ll give you that,’ he whispered. ‘Look, Dana, I don’t know what’s going on between us and I don’t know what to do right now. I can see I’m not wanted here so I’ll leave you alone but I’m not walking away.’ Scully nodded, feeling braver with Stella behind her. ‘I’ll call you later, promise,’ she said and smiled at him. He just nodded, shot a look behind her towards Stella and turned to leave. Scully watched as his shoulders slumped, a man defeated by his own plan.

Stella softly let her hand skim the fabric of Dana’s shirt to provide support if needed. Scully stepped back a little, intensifying their contact and leaning her lower back into Stella’s hand. She sighed deeply. ‘He’s hot, I’ll give you that,’ Stella whispered as her thumb stroked Scully’s back. Scully chuckled sadly, the irony of Stella’s statement hanging thickly in the air. Scully watched the empty street for a few more moments before closing the door. Sighing she turned around and met Stella’s worrying gaze. ‘I assume you heard all that,’ she said, and Stella nodded. ‘You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.’ ‘I really don’t,’ Dana agreed. ‘Then let’s get dressed and get some food,’ Stella said firmly. ‘You pick the place, I’m buying.’ Scully walked up the stairs and shook her head lightly. ‘I really don’t feel like going out after that,’ she said softly. ‘Can we stay in?’ ‘Of course,’ Stella said as she followed her back into Scully’s bedroom. ‘Introduce me to your favourite take-out then.’ ‘Chinese or pizza?’ Scully replied readily. ‘Pizza,’ Stella said resolutely. ‘Definitely pizza.’

Scully decided not to change after all and Stella found her pajamas, since they were going to have a night in she thought she might as well be comfortable and as she settled on the couch next to Dana with two boxes of pizza waiting for them she couldn’t think of a moment in her life that had been more perfect. Scully had complimented her light blue pajama bottoms which had a white pinstripe and pink hearts, something Dana had called ‘very endearing,’ and Stella was glad she’d opted for those and not just the sexy kind. This was perfect, this was about them as human beings and it was disarming and dangerous as well as freeing and light and Stella was quickly learning that that particular blend of feelings and emotions was where they seemed to exist and thrive. They shared both pizza’s, easily eating the whole thing as Scully told Stella stories about her life with Mulder, when and why she’d left him before and how their history was a lot more complicated than Stella could have guessed. After a while, Scully grew quiet. ‘Are you okay?’ Stella asked after a minute of silence, noticing Scully fumble with the last piece of pizza crust. ‘I feel as if I’m losing him for good this time,’ Scully admitted softly. ‘I knew it would happen at some point but it feels like it’s happening now.’ ‘How does that make you feel?’ Stella asked and she cringed inwardly as she recognized her therapist’s voice in her own. ‘I don’t want to lose one to the other,’ Scully admitted very quietly, mostly to herself, and Stella shifted on the sofa to face Scully who was sat on the floor. Stella moved off the couch to find her place next to Dana on the rug, putting her pizza box on the table in front of them. ‘You don’t have to,’ she assured her. ‘I’d never ask you to cut him out of your life. I know you’ve shared things with him I couldn’t know or understand and that is okay.’ Scully nodded. ‘Thank you. I hope you trust me enough to know I’d never cheat on you with him.’ Stella chuckled and pushed her forehead into Dana’s shoulder before pushing herself back on the couch. ‘I wouldn’t blame you, he’s hot,’ she joked. ‘Anyway, I’ve never been one for long-term, monogamous relationships myself. Who knows what will come of this.’

On the floor, Scully snorted in response. Can you imagine, she thought. Yes, her brain said. Yes, I can, actually. ‘Thanks for that mental image,’ she muttered and she felt Stella move behind her. Stella’s lips closed in on her as she felt her hot breath tickle her skin. ‘I hope I didn’t give you any ideas,’ Stella whispered close to her ear. ‘Because I’m not ready to share you. Tonight I want you all to myself.’


	6. Chapter 6

‘Maybe you should invite him over tomorrow,’ Stella suggested quietly.

She was still on the floor next to Dana, who was sipping on a glass of water. It was later that same evening, the evening of Dana’s birthday, and Stella was fighting serious jetlag as she grew more tired every minute. She was used to being tired, didn’t fear the place it took her brain – outside the box, where possibilities seemed endless and causality was a mere footnote. ‘What?’ Scully said incredulously, lifting her head from its position against Stella’s shoulder. Stella lifted the hand that had been holding Dana’s arm around her in a small gesture. ‘Well, he’s shown he wants to talk. We could just go out for dinner, the three of us, or ask him to come over, before things get really strained.’ ‘They’re already strained, Stella,’ Scully sighed, sounding slightly defeated. Stella sat up.

‘Dana, I won’t have you surrender to self-pity like this on your birthday. We’ll figure this out but in order to do so we need to face some facts. One of those facts is that Fox Mulder finally knows something is up and something is going to change. That is a good thing, but not if we hide from him. We can’t hide forever.’

‘I don’t want to hide,’ Scully admitted, meeting Stella’s foggy fierce eyes. ‘I don’t want to hide but I don’t know what to say to him.’ Stella shrugged. ‘You don’t have to say anything. Let him do the talking. And I’ll be there. If we meet at a restaurant we can leave whenever we want to. It’ll be less intimidating.’ Scully looked at Stella sadly, studying her face before responding. ‘Have you been through something like this before?’ She knew Stella had had her fair share of bad relationships but they had never really talked about specifics other than the ones Stella had revealed herself. Scully watched as Stella seemed to visibly form a decision around Scully’s question. ‘Not… the same, not really,’ she finally said. ‘But I’ve been in this situation before, yes. I usually leave before things get complicated.’ Scully smiled a small smile, not quite allowing it to reach her eyes. ‘I’m sorry.’ ‘No,’ Stella said, sitting straight and raising her chin to look at Scully from under her long lashes. ‘Don’t be sorry. There’s nothing to apologize for. I chose to be here, I’m not letting you go unless you want me to. And I don’t think you want me to, do you?’ Scully reached up to kiss Stella quickly on her lips. Stella’s body moved into hers, prolonging the kiss for as long as she could as Scully slumped back against the couch. ‘No, I don’t want you to,’ Scully confirmed. ‘I need you to stay right here until I figure this out.’ ‘And after?’ Stella wondered aloud. ‘I don’t know,’ Scully admitted, ‘But we’ll see about that when we get there.’

Stella tucked her chin down and pursed her lips at Scully’s vague answer. ‘I don’t say this often, so you better listen,’ she warned. ‘But I’d like to keep doing this for a little while. If you’ll let me.’

Scully looked her over slowly, letting her eyes wander across Stella’s face, hair, body and finally back to her face. She stayed quiet, letting Stella’s words sink in and find their meaning among so many. They did, and in Stella’s eyes she saw their true definition, shining in pride and love and acceptance. ‘Well?’ Stella finally asked, admittedly slightly concerned about Scully’s silence. Scully remained quiet, knowing only three words that would even remotely fit what she wanted to say but afraid that saying them would put Stella in a pressured position to say them back. They weren’t the couple to throw the words out with simple hello’s and goodbyes, and Scully knew that Stella sometimes still struggled with vocalizing the depth of her feelings. They both knew their feelings ran deep and neither felt the need to keep saying it, but Scully had to admit that she hoped Stella would get more comfortable saying it. They hadn’t talked about it and they didn’t necessarily need to – Scully knew it would take more than a little time and Stella felt Scully’s expectations light in the air sometimes. They would get there, eventually.

For now Stella just accepted Scully’s silence, sighed deeply and stood up to stretch her legs. ‘I’m going to make some tea,’ she said, her body groaning from being seated on the carpet. She left Scully there, wrapped up in thought as her eyes followed the blonde around her house.

Stella took a moment in the kitchen to breathe and think about what she’d suggested to Dana. Yes, they needed to talk things over with Mulder. Yes, she needed to be there and she wanted to be there for Scully, but she found it hard to exist between them. She wasn’t really sure what their history was, only that it was incredibly long, intense and full of love but also pain. She found it hard to imagine a commitment like that, all she could do in her mind was compare it to what she felt growing between her and Dana, but that was dangerous – she shouldn’t assume she knew anything of Dana and Mulder’s relationship. Still, she was here, and so was he. Maybe he would understand. Maybe he would respect Dana. Maybe he would even learn to respect her, Stella thought. She wanted things between Dana and Mulder to be clear, and there was only one way. So Stella vowed to herself to support Dana in whatever decision she’d make, whatever stand she’d take to explain the situation to Mulder and finally take her distance from him.

Still, Stella felt her brain shut off every time she tried to look past that moment. What would happen next? It was almost as if her mind was protecting her from something it was anticipating - Imminent disaster, certain pain. You don’t have relationships like that, her subconscious brain told her, and you never will. Also, the kind of freedom that she saw at the end of Dana’s and Fox’s relationship was smothering to her – it would all be down to them, the two of them, and what they wanted to do. For Dana there would be no more excuses for living in one place and not another. No more forced distance, no more homes to separate off to. That, Stella realized in this one moment, was the scariest part. If anything went wrong then it would be down to the two of them and no one else could be to blame.

Stella truly hated herself for thinking that way and as she carried two steaming mugs over to Dana she actively tried to banish her thoughts from her mind. Dana saw the slight crinkle in Stella’s brow and the way her lip tensed as she handed Dana her tea. ‘Thank you,’ Scully answered softly. ‘Tell me what’s wrong.’

‘Nothing,’ Stella shook her head, her soft curls bouncing lightly. ‘Nothing worth talking about.’ ‘I’ve talked about me enough,’ Scully said, ‘so I’d like to talk about you now. What were you thinking about?’ Stella met her eyes and swallowed. ‘Like I said, nothing I want to talk about right now. Maybe later.’ The corner of Dana’s mouth turned down and she averted her gaze to a book lying on her table. ‘Okay,’ she conceded, but she didn’t succeed in keeping the disappointment from her voice. Stella caught on and grabbed her arm lightly before sitting down on the couch, curling into a corner. ‘I didn’t mean to push earlier by telling you to meet with Mulder. I know it’s a sensitive and difficult topic and I appreciate that you need time to process what’s happening. There’s nothing wrong with that.’ Scully nodded with her back towards Stella, knowing that wasn’t really what Stella had been thinking about, but accepting it as an answer for now. ‘I know. Thank you.’ Stella knew it wasn’t just a thank you for the support. It was also a thank you for the answer, thank you for trying, and she appreciated it immensely. ‘I’m not good at this,’ she said softly and smiled at Dana as she turned to look at Stella. ‘We knew it wouldn’t be easy,’ Scully said earnestly. ‘And it hasn’t yet been hard. There’s harder times to come, Stella,’ she warned. Stella calmly patted the couch next to her and watched as Dana adjusted her position to fit comfortably in the spaces left by Stella’s body. Stella shifted so her legs weren’t in the way and pulled Dana close, tucking her into her side with one arm. ‘Let them come,’ she said, still looking at Dana and trying to tell her they’d be okay. ‘I’m confident I won’t stop wanting to be around you. If it changes for you, tell me, but never doubt what I want from this relationship.’ Dana smiled a teary smile that wasn’t about sadness or happy things, but about wonder and acceptance and hope for the future. Stella drank it in, craving it, needing it more than she had thought she did. She pulled Scully in to kiss her before leaning back to look in her eyes once again. ‘What are you doing to me?’ She wondered out loud. ‘Nothing…. Yet,’ Scully teased, revisiting an earlier promise she’d made. ‘Hmm,’ Stella hummed, ‘Well, something is going on because I do not remember feeling this way ever before meeting you.’ Scully cocked her head to the side, letting her eyes fall from Stella’s to her lips and back up to meet Stella’s gaze. ‘Really? And what would you be feeling?’

‘Curious,’ Stella settled, and Scully smiled widely at Stella’s choice of words. It encompassed everything she was feeling. ‘Yes,’ Scully replied. ‘Curious, indeed.’

 After a few minutes of silence Stella sighed. ‘I’m going to get some sleep,’ she announced. ‘If you won’t get drunk with me then I don’t want to fight jetlag any longer than I have to.’ Scully licked her lips and sat up, allowing Stella to get up from the sofa. ‘Sorry if I’m boring you,’ Scully said, afraid she’d ruined Stella’s expectations of a party. ‘I’d use many words to describe what we’ve been doing,’ Stella said, standing in front of Dana looking down at her, ‘but none of them include ‘boring.’  We need this as much as we need the sex. And besides, you’ll still owe me a drink. I’d say that’s a pretty good deal.’ She granted Dana a small reassuring smile before heading off to gather her toothbrush from her suitcase, listening intently to try and identify Dana’s footfalls behind her but she heard none. Gathering her toiletries Stella brushed her teeth, put her hair up in a ponytail and studied herself in the mirror for a moment. She, the woman who took pride in needing no one but herself to know her self-worth and confidence now felt a bit weak, unseen, and like she needed to be reassured. Dana needed to tell her she loved her, tell her that whatever was going on between her and Mulder was not in any way taking away from what they had and how it would evolve. She hated herself for it, more than a little, but it was a natural state in her newly carved path – opening up ones heart reveals more than just a muscle. It will, in time, reveal every single aspect on one’s emotional being, sometimes unexpected, sometimes unwanted but always honest and true. This was something Stella was learning more and more every day – Give up one tiny shred of control, gain a lot of difficult, sometimes unwanted emotions and decisions but in the process she was learning that the reward would always outweigh the risk, for in this case the reward was Dana Katherine Scully.

Suddenly, slowly, an image appeared behind Stella’s stature. She felt two hands on her waist, fingers playing nimbly under the hem of her T-shirt. ‘You know I want this,’ a soft voice whispered close to her ear. ‘You know I want to be with you, Stella. Don’t for a second think otherwise.’ Stella leaned back into Dana’s space a little, feeling the soft fabrics of their clothes greet each other between them. Dana’s hands traveled up further, skimming across Stella’s warm skin, feeling her muscled stomach tense under her touch. ‘I know,’ Stella said, not meeting Dana’s reflection in the mirror but focusing on watching herself, ‘I wouldn’t still be here if I didn’t.’

Scully averted her gaze to study Stella’s body next to her, the curve of her shoulder and finally her slender neck, jawline, the way her chin tensed as Stella gasped and bit her lip at Scully’s feather light fingertips running across her belly. She felt her heart clench at the beauty before her, the sheer perfection of them being together like this, occupying the same space, her space, and it feeling so absolutely perfect. She noticed how Stella kept her eyes on herself, staring down her reflection as if she was trying to teach it something. As if she was telling it to just fucking accept this for what it was, instead of trying to analyze or fight or control every single aspect of what she felt in her heart. Scully admired it, found courage in it and, most of all, was emboldened by it as it meant that Stella was truly here, fully and completely, ready to take on whatever life might throw at them next. She thought of how this had never just been a birthday visit. Stella had known that this wouldn’t all be cheery. She’d willingly walked into a minefield for Scully and it spoke of so much more than Scully had realized before.

‘Why _are_ you here?’ Scully dared to ask. ‘Why are you?’ Stella countered, turning in Scully’s light touch. ‘It’s my house,’ Scully deflected because she knew Stella was trying to avoid having to answer honestly.  They looked at each other, quietly, analytically as both women formed the words in their brains. Flowy, beautiful, romantic letters danced before Stella’s eyes and she sighed deeply. She shouldn’t be afraid. ‘I’m here,’ she started, taking Dana’s fingers between hers and gently playing with them before interlacing their hands. ‘I’m here because I wanted to be with the woman I love on her birthday.’ Her bottom lip tensed and Scully watched as Stella’s mouth worked to form an explanation should one be necessary before it turned into a small, beautiful smile. The smile mirrored itself on Dana’s lips, reaching up into Dana’s eyes and sending electricity throughout her body, to the roots of her softly flowing hair, the tips of her fingers and all the way down to her toes. Scully pulled her fingers from Stella’s and reached them up to cup her face. Softly but unmistakably she pushed Stella back into the cold of the sink, running her fingers along Stella’s jawline. ‘I don’t want you to go,’ Scully said intently. ‘Then I won’t,’ Stella answered honestly and truthfully, feeling the hidden weight in Dana’s next words in her limbs before she’d said them.

‘I… I don’t just mean today,’ Scully said, stronger than she’d imagined herself capable of. Something washed over her and she leaned in to kiss Stella softly, desperately even, scared of the words that would and wouldn’t form in her confused heart. Stella kissed her back, sweetly and softly trying to calm Dana’s nerves to ease her own before leaning back to take Dana’s chin in her hand. Stella directed Dana’s uncertain gaze up to her own, where the laws of physics changed two negatives into a positive and they felt the tension release from between them into the universe all around them. Scully chuckled and Stella sent her a beaming smile. ‘Then neither do I,’ Stella said softly.


	7. Chapter 7

Dana looked at the woman before her as Stella turned back to check herself in the mirror before brushing past Dana to head to bed. It struck Scully how Stella tried not to put weight on her statement, tried to pass it off as something normal, something that didn’t potentially change both of their lives forever and she admired her for it. Scully decided to follow Stella’s lead for a moment, getting ready for bed at her own pace without really looking where Stella had gone. She heard her rustle around in the bedroom and felt warmth spread through her heart at the domestic nature of this shared moment.

A few minutes later Scully closed the door to her bathroom and froze in the doorway to her bedroom as she saw Stella curled up comfortably in her bed. ‘This feels nice,’ Stella commented, brushing her hand over the fresh linen. Scully leaned against the doorframe for a moment, just reveling in everything that was going on. Stella raised an eyebrow at her and slid further under the covers, laying her head down while maintaining eye contact with Dana. She tried not to smile, but Dana’s eyes revealed everything she wanted and had needed to hear, and suddenly life seemed so perfect that it was impossible to keep the loving smirk from her face. ‘God, you’re perfect,’ Scully whispered before pushing herself off the doorframe and sitting on the side of the bed. She rolled down her leggings with her back turned towards Stella and she jumped a little when she felt Stella’s fingers along her spine. ‘Keep this on, it’s so soft,’ Stella mumbled in a sleepy voice. Scully threw her leggings and socks to the side and folded herself in next to Stella. Scully turned to face her and found two very open pale blue eyes staring at her. Softly she scooted closer and kissed Stella, who responded but pulled back after a moment to relax back into the pillow. ‘Sleep,’ she commanded on a whisper. ‘But I want to make love to you,’ Scully pouted. ‘I promised.’ ‘I’m not going anywhere,’ Stella said with her eyes already closed. ‘Wake me up in the middle of the night. Or tomorrow.’ Scully leaned in to kiss her lips once more before rolling onto her back. ‘Sleep well, and thank you,’ she whispered. Stella just hummed, kept her eyes closed and navigated effortlessly into Scully’s side, melting her body in the curve of Dana’s side and entwining their naked legs.

A few hours later Scully woke because she needed the bathroom. Stella had shifted and she was free to leave the bed, so she did so quietly and quickly returned to the warmth that was their cocoon.

The room was dark with a mild hue coming from a gap between the curtains. It fell in a single streak across the bed, soflty illuminating the curve of Stella’s legs. Stella was still asleep, a seemingly dreamless sleep and Scully debated whether to wake her or not. Just as she was about to lay down her head and go back to sleep Stella moaned softly and turned towards Dana, her mouth slightly open and her cheeks flushed in sleep and Scully couldn’t resist. Her heart called for her to show Stella what she meant to her, how much she meant and how much love there was to share between them. Scully shifted onto her side, pushed herself up on one arm and pulled the blankets down a little, finding Stella’s neck with her lips. Her free hand traveled down to Stella’s panties and quickly found its way inside. She felt Stella spread her legs on instinct and Scully smiled into the flesh of her neck, keeping her mouth there, finding Stella’s pulse throbbing underneath her lips. She kept her fingers soft inside Stella’s panties, exploring rather than enticing as she slowly worked to wake Stella up. Stella squirmed under Dana’s touch, pushing her hips into her hands with the tiniest of movements while stretching her neck to grant Dana better access. Scully felt her breathing change and her heartrate speed up. She allowed her tongue to trace lines and patterns across Stella’s skin, trying to gauge without looking if Stella had woken up. She knew when she felt Stella’s body tense beneath her before it relaxed again, consciously allowing Dana to continue. Stella’s body turned back into the mattress and Dana followed, keeping her mouth connected to the skin of Stella’s slender shoulder and collarbone. Stella moaned softly and let her hands relax against the mattress, prepared to let Dana do whatever she had in mind. Scully kept lightly exploring Stella’s folds, ignoring the push of Stella’s hips to direct her to where she needed Scully’s touch. She glanced up to see Stella still had her eyes closed, her mouth slightly open, breathing out on the waves of pleasure forming an o-shape with her delicate lips. Scully smiled and trailed another line of kisses back from her jaw to the hem of Stella’s t-shirt.

Scully shifted onto her knees to free her hand and pushed the soft fabric of Stella’s shirt up above her breasts. Stella lifted herself to assist her, swiftly taking off her shirt before relaxing back down. Scully caught her eye for a second before Stella closed them again, surrendering to Dana’s intentions but unable to hide her content smile. Scully swiftly found her way to the tops of Stella’s breasts, and never having let go with her other hand felt Stella get wetter to the touch. ‘Oh God, you’re so wet,’ she whispered into Stella’s skin and she felt Stella shiver at her words. Stella stayed quiet, mouth open, eyes closed, letting Dana play her like an instrument and orchestrating the most beautiful feelings and emotions within her. Scully finally found her way to Stella’s clit and started a rhythm there, slowly, intently, as her lips licked that same rhythm down to Stella’s begging nipples.

It didn’t take long for Stella to thread her hand through Dana’s hair and hold her close. Spreading her legs wider she almost pleaded for Dana’s touch, having forgotten how much she missed those innocent, exploring fingers on her body. Dana seemed to have one mission, always, to make Stella feel things she didn’t know she could feel and it caught her off guard in the best possible way each time she felt her orgasm approach faster than before, faster than ever before. She stayed quiet as her body spoke volumes to Dana’s fingers, encouraging her, pushing up into her touch as her breasts called for Dana to ravish them. Dana’s tongue was soft but had clear intentions and Stella liked a girl with clear intentions – the hand that had been hidden in Scully’s red tresses came to fall back onto the mattress to allow Dana to move freely. She needed no help.

Scully increased her steady rhythm each time, pushing Stella higher and higher, feeling her breathing and tension in her neck climb and climb until Scully knew there was only one way out. She softly pinched Stella’s nipple between her teeth, and again, and again as she finally felt Stella release a moan from deep inside as her body pushed itself onto Dana’s hand. Scully released her nipple and buried her face in Stella’s neck, whispering to her between kisses as she felt Stella’s climax through every inch of connected skin. Stella focused on the feeling only, imagining Dana and her wonderful coy smile making her come and allowing it to fill her vision and body. She climaxed hard, letting her hands grab Dana’s side to pull her flush against her as she shivered through her orgasm.

Stella stayed quiet, cradling Scully close as Scully brought her hand up from inside Stella’s panties and laid it on Stella’s ribs. They didn’t talk. No words were needed and none were invented yet to express what Stella wanted to say to Dana in that moment – and they both felt it. Scully sighed deeply, kissed the bruise on Stella’s neck she’d made earlier in the shower and allowed the night to consume them as they fell back into a peaceful sleep.

The next day went by rather quickly. Maybe it was the fact that Stella had never been to this part of the US before, or maybe it was the company, but time seemed to fly as they headed out into the city after breakfast. Scully showed Stella all her favorite spots and they had lunch in a cute lunchroom that reminded Stella of New York. Halfway through their walk back to Scully’s car Stella reached out to hook her arm through Dana’s and she was immensely relieved when Dana allowed it after half a second of hesitancy. ‘Are you afraid of running into Mulder?’ Stella asked quietly. ‘No,’ Scully answered quickly but sighed. ‘Maybe, yes. It’s weird being here together. It feels invasive of his space and privacy.’ ‘It’s your city too,’ Stella said. ‘And he knows I’m here.’ Scully nodded. ‘I’ve been thinking about what you said earlier and I think I’ll call him to have dinner, is that okay?’ ‘Absolutely,’ Stella agreed. ‘If you’re up for it.’ ‘I am,’ Scully answered resolutely. ‘I feel like we have to talk about this together. It might be the only way.’ Stella nodded. ‘Situations where there’s heavy emotions involved, like now, will always be hard and it will be awkward. But it’s honesty that’s going to help us. If you know where your path lies you should probably try to help Mulder navigate it.’ Scully nodded. ‘And we should talk about it, too.’ ‘But not with him there,’ Stella added, stopping to look at Dana. ‘No,’ Scully agreed, ‘I meant before. I’ll call him, let’s head home and talk over coffee.’ Stella nodded, feeling a rush of nervous energy run through her body. ‘I don’t know why that makes me nervous,’ Scully muttered while looking out across the street. Stella smiled a small smile at her. ‘I was just thinking the same thing.’ Scully smiled back and took her hand, openly and proudly and continued walking to her car.

Stella waited patiently in the living room as Scully called Mulder from the other room. She heard Scully talk and listened if she could discern whether they were fighting or not but Scully’s voice seemed calm and reserved. She’d never broken up with someone she still loved but she knew the heartbreak of loss, and she knew it intimately. Dana would always on some level love Fox Mulder, Stella knew that without a doubt. He would always be a part of her and if he loved her like Stella suspected he might then she’d see glimpses of him, at birthdays, parties, work events and such occasions where he’d show up to make sure she was okay. Stella was aware of this and ready to let Dana decide how much of him she wanted in her life, but she wasn’t ready for the actual conversation to be held. And so the nerves built up slowly as she tried to calm her heart rate, to stop the nervous sweat that broke out across her brow and on her back underneath the soft blouse she was wearing. Stella decided to start the coffee just to have something to busy herself with and she was relieved when Dana joined her a few minutes later. ‘Are you okay?’ Stella asked, looking at Dana’s small frown. Scully tried to reassure her with a smile and nodded. ‘Yes. He’s bringing over takeout later.’ ‘Here?’ Stella questioned, raising her brows in surprise. ‘Yeah,’ Scully affirmed as she took the coffee pot from Stella. ‘Do you need me to leave?’ Stella asked quietly, suddenly unsure of whether Dana wanted her to be there. ‘No, we need to do this together,’ Scully said, looking up at Stella. Stella nodded and handed Dana two mugs. ‘I’m curious to see how he’ll react,’ she said softly. ‘He’s not a social experiment, Stella,’ Dana warned. ‘We’ve been through very rough times together.’ Stella nodded. ‘I know.’ ‘No, I don’t think you do,’ Scully said strongly, putting her cup down to catch Stella’s eyes. The look Scully gave made Stella stop and pause to look at her. ‘Stella….’ Dana started. ‘What?’ Stella said softly. ‘Whatever it is, you can say it, Dana.’

‘We had a child together,’ Scully said as her voice broke. ‘We had a little boy and I gave him up.’

Stella just stood there for a second, stunned, unable to process the words that had fallen from Dana’s mouth. ‘Oh my God,’ she said softly. ‘Dana, I’m so sorry.’ From the way Scully was telling her this, from the way she was leaning into the counter and towards Stella for support told Stella that this hadn’t been voluntary. It hadn’t been what Dana had wanted and that fact alone broke her heart. ‘Mulder wasn’t there. He was abducted and I shouldn’t even be telling you this but..’ her voice broke again and a deep sob erupted from her throat. Stella watched how Scully put down the cups with shaking hands and met her eyes with a simple unasked question, tears brimming in her eyes and quiet sobs wrecking her body. ‘Come here,’ Stella opened her arms for Dana and embraced her tightly. ‘I had no idea. I’m so sorry,’ Stella soothed. ‘You’re okay.’ ‘It was years ago,’ Scully sobbed softly into Stella’s neck, ‘But I miss him so much. It was such a miracle.’ they’d talked about Scully’s fertillity before, but somehow Scully had never mentioned her child. ‘I’m sorry if you’ve felt like you couldn’t talk about this to me,’ Stella said into Scully’s hair. Pulling back to put her lips close to Scully’s ear. ‘I’m sorry if I was insensitive about it at some point.’ ‘You weren’t,’ Scully said, ‘and I should have told you before. I just couldn’t.’ Stella nodded and pulled back a little, keeping Dana in her arms. ‘Sometimes there is no perfect time.’ Dana nodded and wiped her cheeks, smiling when Stella reached up to help her wipe a streak of running mascara from under her eye. ‘I am not supposed to talk about him,’ Scully said. ‘It’s dangerous.’ Stella nodded. ‘I understand and I won’t ask you to. But if you feel like you have to talk about it, just know that you can. Anytime.’ Scully surprised Stella as she rose on her tiptoes and kissed her on the lips once, softly but lovingly. Wiping the last of her tears from her cheek Scully turned and grabbed their coffee before indicating to Stella to move to the couch. ‘Now, let’s talk about us.’

‘Before we do there’s something I need to share with you as well,’ Stella said quietly, bracing herself and getting the words out methodically before her courage ran out. Scully sat down and turned towards Stella. ‘Okay,’ she said, preparing herself for more tears. This is who Stella was, she knew – sometimes Stella needed someone to open up before she dared to do it herself. She watched as Stella pulled one leg up on the couch to face Dana, her hands folded around the steaming coffee cup between her legs. Scully noticed the hunch in her shoulders and the tension in her brow and braced herself for a piece of Stella Gibson’s history that had formed her heart, as beautiful as it was battered and as brave as it was broken – full of love and full of fear, but strength as well.

Stella took a deep breath. Scully reached to put one hand over Stella’s to control the slight shake she noticed there. ‘I lost my father when I was fourteen,’ Stella said softly. ‘I loved him. I needed him, and I watched him die.’ Scully held Stella’s hand steadily in hers. ‘How did he die?’ she asked softly. ‘He was ill,’ Stella answered, her brow tensing as her eyes wandered to study the subtleties of the fabric on Scully’s sofa. ‘I felt so alone.’

A thought ran shiveringly through Dana’s brain. She didn’t ask, because she knew Stella would tell her if she felt ready, so she focused on giving Stella the safe space she’d need to continue. They’d talked about Scully’s father passing some time last year and Scully realized she’d never really known what had happened to Stella’s dad, just that he wasn’t around. Stella seemed to associate his absence with immense pain and they’d just never discussed it further. ‘Was he ill for long before he passed?’ Scully asked. Stella shrugged. ‘Any period of time is too long to watch your father suffer. Especially at that age.’ ‘I’m sorry,’ Scully whispered, taking the coffee cup from Stella to clasp their hands together. Stella pulled one hand free and feathered her fingers across her inner thighs. ‘It’s when I started doing this.’

Scully swallowed and reached for Stella’s other hand again, pulling her closer on the couch. Stella seemed to resist Scully’s urge to hug her so Scully allowed her space, but kept on holding her hands as Stella seemed to draw strength from their connection. ‘I wish I could take some of that pain away,’ Scully said softly, feeling her emotions slowly take over again and allowing them to show. ‘No child should have to go through that.’ ‘It’s no worse than what you’ve been through,’ Stella said, ‘But I was unprepared for the anger I felt. I sought him in so many men. I wanted them to love me like he did, to father me and to love me, but of course nothing could replace my dad. It took a long time for me to realize and accept that.’ Scully listened to the words and heard the hidden meaning. Loud and clear, she heard Stella tell her about what men had done to her and how it had almost broken her. ‘It wasn’t your fault,’ Scully whispered, tears slowly falling from her eyes as she felt a tremble course through Stella’s body. Stella finally met her eyes, red and watery, and smiled a weak but strong smile. ‘I’m still here. I haven’t let it beat me and neither have you.’ Scully just nodded and leaned in again, grateful to see Stella close her eyes to accept Scully’s arms around her as she kissed her cheek and held her close for a moment. Scully felt Stella’s tears on her cheeks and welcomed them with her own, unable to hold back a sob that sounded quietly into Stella’s hair. Stella’s hands grasped her back, softly at first, then a bit tighter as she finally allowed Scully to save her from her demons.

‘I love you, Dana,’ Stella whispered into Scully’s hair.

Somehow, at this moment, after all her doubts and struggles finding the right words this was the only thing that she remembered how to say.

 

  


  



	8. Chapter 8

After a few minutes Stella cleared her throat and sat up, separating herself from Scully. Scully composed herself as well, grabbing her coffee to take a sip and watching over the edge of the cup as Stella did the same. ‘So,’ Stella started, her voice a little hoarse, ‘do we need to talk before Mulder comes?’ ‘Not talk, really,’ Scully said slowly. ‘I just wanted to be clear to you before he is here. I don’t know what he’ll say and how I’ll react so I need you to be clear on something.’ Stella looked at her, and Scully witnessed Stella’s guards slowly rise on her face and in her eyes. A distant coldness crept into Stella’s stance, took over her body and straightened her spine to the point where Dana was almost afraid to continue. ‘And what is that?’ Stella asked, almost coldly, but Scully could see the immense battle between Stella’s heart and her brain in her eyes. She sighed, let her shoulders relax and tried to be as open and brave as she could. ‘I want to be with you. We live half a planet apart but I’m ready to change that if that is something you would want.’

Stella blinked slowly, her face and brain still stagnant in its state of guarded denial before a glimmer of warmth crossed her eyes. ‘What?’ she asked in her sharp British accent, her voice hoarse and rough. Scully sighed, slowly losing her confidence. ‘I mean… when you’re ready. There’s no rush, of course, and if you don’t want to then that’s fine too, I just wanted you to know that if you have any doubts about what I want that…’ ‘Dana,’ Stella interrupted her, her lips slightly parted in disbelief and utter wonder. ‘Dana, I…’ She didn’t finish her sentence but dropped her eyes to her lap and Scully continued, rambling, but unable to stop because she was afraid of the deafening silence that would follow if she stopped. ‘I know you said you wanted me to be sure, and that I wasn’t very clear when we talked about this before, but I really… I feel like it’s okay to admit this. It’s okay for me to say I’d like to live closer to you.’ Stella let her finish her sentence this time, not really listening, but trying to focus her brain on forming a response that was somewhat coherent. ‘Dana,’ she said again, licking her lips before raising her piercing blue eyes to Scully’s. ‘Yes?’ Scully questioned, hesitantly but ready to let Stella talk.

‘I can’t count how many times I’ve asked you to stay.’ Stella lightly shook her head, causing her hair to frame her face and hide her warming cheeks from Dana. ‘But I’m not sure I want to move. I also don’t want to ask you to move, it wouldn’t be fair to either of us.’ Scully frowned and allowed the lingering feeling of fear and sadness to wash over her. ‘Stella,’ she said, ‘Stella, no. Listen. I didn’t mean today, or tomorrow. I just want you to know that I’m ready whenever you are. If that’s not now, then that’s okay. If it’s never, then we’ll figure that out when the time comes.’ Stella looked at her, her eyes desperate but full of tenderness and love. ‘I’m afraid,’ Stella started, her lip quivering more intensely than Scully had ever seen before. Tears formed in Stella’s eyes and she dropped her face in her hands for a moment to try and hide from Dana, from their conversation, from everything that she wasn’t equipped to deal with.

Scully let her find her balance in silence, giving Stella’s heart time to adjust, time to find the courage she knew resided in there. Stella sighed deeply, finding comfort in Dana’s presence but finding her quiet company confronting and hard. But she persevered, like she had many times before she pushed on and found her voice again. Dropping her hands back onto her legs she bit her lip before speaking softly. ‘I’m afraid of… Screwing up. I’m afraid to get into something that’ll end up in pain for both of us.’ ‘But are you willing to give up that easily?’ Scully confronted her frankly and openly. ‘Are you sure that walking away now will not hurt just as much?’ Stella begged her with brimming eyes to stop, but Scully didn’t. She put down her coffee and took Stella’s hands again, holding onto them when Stella tried to pull them back. ‘Stel,’ Scully said intently, ‘I know you. And I’m scared too. But I want to be with you and I need you to know that I will fight for this, unless you tell me you don’t want me to.’ ‘Of course I want you to,’ Stella whispered, tears finally falling in heavy drops down her cheeks. ‘Of course. I’m just not sure it’ll be worth the fight.’ ‘Let me be the judge of that,’ Scully said, and Stella nodded in small movements that mended Dana’s heart and warmed her eyes. ‘Good,’ Scully whispered, her eyes worriedly wandering across Stella’s form as Stella wiped away her quiet tears. ‘I want to tell Mulder this,’ she continued. ‘I will always love him unconditionally but I can’t be with him like this anymore. I have to get out and do this for me.’ Stella nodded. ‘How do you think he’ll react?’ ‘I don’t know,’ Scully admitted. ‘I think he knows. I hope he accepts it.’ It was Stella’s turn to grasp Dana’s hands and entwine their fingers, letting her eyes study Scully’s hands as her thumbs drew circles on them. ‘Are you sure you want me to be there?’ ‘Yes,’ Scully replied adamantly. ‘You are part of my life and Mulder needs to see that.’ Stella nodded. ‘Okay,’ she said before sighing deeply and settling against the back of the couch, sipping her now lukewarm coffee.

Yes, she was afraid, but denying and evading it wouldn’t make it go away. Feelings were not Stella’s favorite thing to deal with but sometimes she had to and today was one of those days, and for Dana she would. For Dana she’d have dinner with her and her partner, she’d watch them interact and listen to their words and hope that sometime during that dinner she’d come to find her place in all of this. If not she feared she might flee, no matter how much Dana would want her to stay she feared her inability to do so might take over. Even though she was ready to fight with all her might, her instincts had trained her too well and she knew that if she left she would find loneliness, but loneliness might no longer be what she wanted.

Scully watched Stella for a moment. She could see an intriguing process unfold behind Stella’s eyes and she wanted to hug her, kiss her and make love to her just to convey how much she loved and appreciated all the effort Stella made for her, but she couldn’t, and she shouldn’t as Stella’s shields had only come halfway down. The other half would stay up to defend herself against Mulder, Scully understood, and she couldn’t blame her. If Scully didn’t even know what to say to him, or how, then how was Stella supposed to?

About an hour later the doorbell rang. ‘He’s early,’ Scully muttered to herself as she stood up from the sofa, glancing at the clock that had just struck six. ‘He’s never early.’

‘Dammit,’ Stella cursed, putting down her book. Tension filled the room and Scully turned towards her, leaning down to quickly kiss her. ‘Don’t worry. It’ll be fine.’ Stella nodded and stood up, taking their coffee cups to the kitchen and fetching a glass to fill it with water. In the hallway she heard Dana open the door. ‘Hey Scully,’ she heard the softly rumbling voice of Fox Mulder. Sighing she tried to relax before taking her water back to the sofa, pretending to be reading as she heard the people in the hallway shuffle around and make their way to the living room.

‘Stella, Mulder brought food,’ Scully announced almost cheerily as they entered the room. ‘Hi,’ Mulder greeted uncomfortably, holding up the plastic bag of Chinese. ‘I hope you like Chinese.’ ‘It’ll do fine,’ Stella said, immediately cursing herself. She wasn’t meant to be icy to this man, she reminded her brain, and added a smile to try and warm up her comment. ‘I like Chinese.’ ‘Good,’ Mulder said, following Scully to the kitchen. ‘So does Scully.’

‘Hmm,’ Stella responded, unwilling to engage him in a competition of who knew Dana better. He would win that every day for the rest of their lives and Stella knew it and accepted it.

Scully found plates and handed them to Stella, who took them into the living room. Mulder tried to casually divide the food over three plates without looking at Stella, who was watching him as she helped Scully. ‘Wine?’ Dana asked a little too loudly. ‘Dana,’ Stella said softly, trying to calm her down. ‘I’ll get it.’

Stella gathered a bottle, popped the cork and moved to get glasses from a cabinet above the fridge just as Mulder opened the fridge door. Stella pulled back to give him space. ‘I’ll have a beer,’ Mulder said as he turned away, moving confidently through Dana’s space to find the bottle opener and taking it with him to the living room. ‘Of course you are,’ Stella said to herself, fetching two glasses before taking them and the bottle back to where Dana was sitting on the couch. Mulder was next to her and Stella decided to give them space, taking the chair next to the sofa after handing Dana her wine. ‘Thanks for bringing dinner, Mulder,’ Scully said, seeming a little more relaxed. ‘You asked,’ Mulder answered, holding out his bottle for Dana to clink her glass with.

Stella quietly observed as Scully and Mulder uncomfortably prepared to have the conversation they both dreaded. ‘We… Need to talk,’ Scully started slowly as she took a sip of her wine. ‘We do,’ Mulder agreed. ‘I came to talk earlier and I messed up, I’m sorry,’ he started. ‘I’m just having a hard time with it all.’ Stella watched how Scully pursed her lips and nodded. ‘You… Weren’t very supportive, but I understand why,’ Scully compromised. ‘But you have to try and accept it, Mulder,’ she added. Mulder shook his head lightly. ‘What if I can’t? What if I don’t want to?’ ‘You have to,’ Scully said. ‘I’m moving on, Mulder. I love you, I always will but it’s not a good kind of love. I’m not happy like this.’ Stella swallowed at the emotion she felt coming from Dana, and she knew Mulder felt it too. He looked at her, his eyes sad and his mouth slack in defeat. ‘I want you to stay,’ he stated firmly. ‘Whatever is going on, I don’t want to lose you. Not like this.’ Scully sighed and dropped her eyes, slumping her shoulders. Stella sat up slightly. ‘Not to me, you mean,’ she said softly. ‘Look, Fox, I never meant to get in between.’ ‘Well, you did,’ Mulder said loudly, causing Stella to sit up a little straighter and Dana to jump slightly as Mulder rose in his seat. ‘I don’t know who you are and I don’t know what happened but you can’t just march right into Scully’s life and expect everything to be fine.’ Scully put a hand on Mulder’s arm, urging him to sit back down. ‘Mulder, please,’ she pleaded. ‘Stella had nothing to do with it. I realized I needed things to change before I met her. Her being part of it is a coincidence. This would have happened either way.’ ‘You wouldn’t have been leaving to be with her,’ Mulder gestured towards Stella, who put down her wine. ‘She is sitting right here,’ Stella cautioned Mulder sternly. Dana threw her a look before turning back to Mulder. ‘But I would be leaving. I’m tired, Mulder. I need space and I need to get away.’ ‘But what if you find you want to come back?’ Mulder pleaded.

And there it was, the stab to the heart Stella had been trying to avoid. This was her fear, the one fear she hadn’t yet vocalized but she knew to be the one thing holding her back. She released a breath and Dana looked at her, suddenly realizing, and understanding.

Stella stood. ‘I’m going to go,’ she stated blankly. ‘I shouldn’t be here.’ ‘Stella,’ Dana said, standing with her and reaching out to catch her hand. Stella pulled back and made for the hallway before Mulder could say something, Dana following closely. ‘Stella, please stay,’ Dana asked. ‘I want you to stay.’ ‘I don’t know him,’ Stella gestured towards the living room. ‘I don’t understand him. I feel like a stranger and I feel like a detective and I don’t like it.’ Scully searched her eyes, finding truth in them. ‘Okay,’ she conceded. ‘But please come back.’ ‘Of course,’ Stella smiled sadly, touching her hand to Dana’s cheek. ‘I’l l text you where I end up.’ ‘I’ll let you know when he leaves,’ Dana agreed, turning her lips into Stella’s hand before turning back towards Mulder. As she heard Stella open the door she looked back. ‘Stella?’ Stella turned to look at her. ‘I love you,’ Scully emphasized.

Stella absorbed the truth in Dana’s words and took it with her into the streets of Washington. She was grateful for the wallet she kept in her coat pocket, having grabbed her phone from the table just before leaving. She wanted to be alone, out of sight, so she hailed a taxi and headed downtown to find a fancy hotel.

She found one quickly, checking in for one night and heading up after a questioning look from the receptionist. ‘No luggage?’ ‘Traveling light,’ she’d replied coolly before heading up. She shared the elevator with a guy who blatantly checked her out, and she made sure to do the same just to embarrass him before leaving him as she reached the sixth floor.

Stella sighed deeply as she clicked the door in its lock behind her. Throwing her coat on the bed she kicked off her heels. ‘Fuck,’ she cursed, threading her hands in her hair. What had she done? Was this the point where she showed Dana her true colors? The edge of her bravery? It couldn’t be, she hadn’t come all the way to the States to fuck this up. Sighing deeply she found her phone and texted Dana.

_I booked a room at the Hyatt. Sorry I left, I didn’t know what else to do. I can stay here and come back tomorrow. X_

She didn’t want to stay there. She wanted to run back now, kick that smug specimen of a man out the door and hold Dana close for the rest of the day, the week, their lives, but that’s not how this worked. She’d made a mistake, possibly a big one and she’d need to listen to Dana now.

Dana would still be with Fox, she wouldn’t text back for a while, Stella thought – she threw her phone onto the dresser and almost jumped when it buzzed only seconds later.

_You don’t have to stay there. Come home. He’s leaving soon._

Stella looked up at the ceiling before climbing onto the ridiculously large bed, pushing herself up against the headboard. Throwing a pillow to the side she contemplated what to tell Dana. The cold loneliness of the room encompassed her, and she wanted nothing more than to head back and be with Dana, but something inside her twisted mind told her not to. She didn’t deserve peace, not now.

_It’s okay, I paid for the room. Take your time._

This time the phone buzzed as a call came in. Stella watched the screen, mesmerized by the name that appeared and the picture that accompanied it, the one she’d taken of Dana a while back – smiling somewhat shyly and a little self-consciously as she’d been naked from the waist down, but no one would ever know that – as they’d agreed to one picture each after Dana had snapped one of Stella reading. Stella’s memory filled her brain as she watched the screen until the name disappeared and a missed call snapped her out of her reverie. ‘Dammit,’ she cursed again.

Another buzz.

_Please come home._

Stella looked at it, tears filling her eyes again. A shiver ran down her back – how had she made it this far? When had the word ‘home’ become something beyond a house, a roof? Why did that word scare her but fill her with joy at the same time? She didn’t know how to respond so she didn’t, knowing it would do more harm than good but finding herself ill equipped to cope with the situation. She cursed herself inwardly, closing her eyes as she lay down onto the pillows for a few minutes to calm her mind. Mulder had called it – she was afraid that Dana would inevitably find out that Stella wasn’t a good person for her. She’d find out that Stella had flaws, many flaws, and that there were some things in Stella’s history and in her soul that she couldn’t live with. She’d watch Dana run back to Mulder, and it would tear out her heart. Not that she’d ever think Dana would be fickle or disloyal – quite the opposite, in fact, she was certain Dana would try everything in her power to make it work between them before realizing she’d ruined herself in the process. That would be the point where she’d run to take refuge with the man who’d saved her a thousand times over, and he’d do it again – and Stella would be left, alone, deserved, like always, but too open and too wounded to survive.

‘I can’t,’ she whispered to herself in response to Dana’s request. ‘And you know I can’t.’

She ordered a bottle of wine and stayed there, on the bed, thinking about everything and nothing as she tried to get her brain to form a full thought until she fell asleep a few minutes later.

It took about ten minutes for the sound of knocking to wake her out of her restless sleep. ‘Hold on,’ she called, her voice sounding broken and hoarse. She cleared her throat. ‘Coming,’ she called again and pushed herself off the bed. Checking her hair in the mirror she sighed, not only was she tired but it was clear she’d been struggling not to cry. The wine wouldn’t help, she knew, but it would take the edge off. She opened the door to reveal the butler. He smiled knowingly and pitifully at her as he passed her into the room, putting the bottle on her table. ‘Will one be enough?’ he asked, clearly drawing the right conclusions from the way she must look. ‘Yes, thank you,’ she confirmed and took out her wallet to tip him. He accepted the money and smiled at her before exiting the room.

As Stella watched him roll his cart down the hallway she heard the elevator ping. She turned back to close her door but as she did so she caught a glimpse of the woman exiting the elevator. ‘Stella,’ she heard, and she gasped as Dana Katherine Scully made her way down the hall towards her door. ‘What the…’ Stella managed, suddenly teary-eyed, still unable to focus her brain and suddenly feeling like the world was collapsing from underneath her feet. ‘Dana…’ ‘I know,’ Scully just said as she walked into Stella’s arms, dropping the bag she was carrying just inside the door. ‘I know.’ She softly maneuvered them into the room and shut the door before taking Stella’s face between her hands. Stella raised her hands to Dana’s wrists, holding her close, feeling to make sure she was real. Scully saw the struggle in Stella’s foggy brain and searched her eyes to find the truth. ‘I know why you left. And I know why you don’t want to come back. So I came here,’ she said softly. ‘He’s gone, we talked and we’re okay. He doesn’t understand but he doesn’t have to. Stella,’ Scully urged Stella to look at her as she saw Stella’s eyes study her face, her neck and the hem of her sweater all the while avoiding her eyes. Stella looked up and caught Scully’s gaze. ‘Can we stay here tonight?’

‘Yes,’ Stella said on a breath, relieved, feeling the tension leave her body as she moved her own hands to touch Dana in the same way she was touching her. Curling her thumbs around Dana’s jaw she pulled her in and kissed her, desperately, hoping every single word she couldn’t say was spoken loudly through the love she felt in her body. Their tongues met halfway and Stella smiled into Scully’s kiss, feeling the tears she’d been holding in flow without care down her skin to end between their lips, salty and scared until Dana pulled back to wipe them away. ‘Don’t cry,’ she said gently, but it only caused more tears to follow. Scully smiled and kissed them away on Stella’s cheeks, finally letting the pressure of the day encompass her as well as her own tears carved wet paths on her cheeks. Stella pulled Dana towards the bed and quickly dressed down to her underwear, needing to feel Dana close to her. Scully followed and climbed in the bed next to Stella, pushing her onto her back and softly putting her head on Stella’s heart. Stella embraced her with everything she had, hoping her actions would speak as loud now as they had earlier but knowing that Dana would understand, if not now then later.

Scully felt Stella’s desperation and tried to soothe it with her hands on Stella’s skin. She shivered at the rightness of them being together, and she knew that no matter what happened, no matter what Mulder did or said she’d always have to remember the rightness of this moment. Because she’d never thought there would be one perfect person for her. Mulder had come close. But if it wasn’t meant to be him, and she sincerely doubted that he was, then this might be it – the woman wrapping her arms and soul around every fiber of her being might be the one she was meant to spend her life with.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise you there will be more Mulder. I just thought they (and we) deserved a bit more sweetness between these two. It's my weakness.

Stella woke a few hours later to the feeling of velvety lips pillowing themselves across her neck. She kept her eyes closed, needing to feel Dana a little more before she opened her eyes and burst her little fantastic bubble. Stella feared what lay on the other side of darkness, she knew darkness. She didn’t know the light that well, and Dana brought so much light that she found she needed to adjust too quickly sometimes. Times like now were new to Stella, times where her heart had prepared itself for a period of suffering behind a mask of coldness, but where Dana had melted all of that away effortlessly. These times were hard to come to terms with. Almost too perfect, almost too good to be true, and Stella feared them as much as she craved them.

All of this crossed her mind in one second, and the next second she decided to face the light – She rolled onto her side, blindly wrapping her arms around Dana, opening her eyes to find Dana’s face right in front of her looking sleepy and utterly adorable. ‘I woke up and I missed you,’ Scully whispered to her. ‘I’m right here,’ Stella said, and Scully smiled before kissing her softly. Stella had moved her onto her side and she rolled them back softly, happy when Stella didn’t offer any resistance to being pushed onto her back. Scully returned her lips to Stella’s neck. ‘Close your eyes,’ she asked, knowing that it would be what Stella needed. Stella’s lips curled up into a content smile as she complied and felt Dana resume her earlier escapades on her skin.

There was freedom in Dana’s touch, freedom and affirmation, in the way her lips touched Stella’s shoulder and in the way her hand found its way up to her breasts. Needing the other to support her weight Dana used her free arm to push the blanket away before crossing Stella’s body to splay her fingers out across her bra and softly knead Stella’s breast. The fabric brushed against Stella’s skin, waking her up more, sending a shiver across her body into her limbs. Dana’s breath on her shoulder made the hairs there stand on end, mapping a course for Scully’s wet lips to follow down her arm and crossing the gap to her ribs.

The skin on Stella’s ribs was possibly Scully’s favorite place to be. Stella lifted her arm across her forehead, her palm pointing up and her fingers tensing with every change of Dana’s rhythm.  Scully felt Stella breathe deeply below her, creating smooth waves with her body. Scully loved it and stayed close, tucking herself to Stella’s side, a very vulnerable place to be laid bare but Stella knew she needed to stop protecting herself all the time. She was asking a lot from Dana, and Dana was already under a lot of pressure, and Stella knew there would inevitably be an end to her emotional stretch if she didn’t try harder.

‘I’m sorry,’ Stella whispered suddenly but quietly, and Scully stopped the trail of open-mouthed kisses she had embarked on. ‘What for?’

‘For being a dick,’ Stella replied, her voice slightly hoarse. Scully looked up to find Stella’s eyes but she still had them closed, so Scully put her chin on Stella’s belly for a second before responding. ‘No. It was a stupid idea.’ ‘It was my idea,’ Stella reminded her softly, opening her eyes to peek at Scully. Their eyes met and they smiled in affirmation before Stella closed her eyes again in a silent invitation to Dana to continue. Dana caught on and allowed her tongue to swirl generously around Stella’s belly button before seeking out the slight curve in the middle of Stella’s torso to follow it up between her abdominal muscles, feeling them tense and expand and ripple underneath her touch. Stella reached her hands down to rake her nails down Scully’s shoulders. ‘You know,’ she whispered, eyes still closed. ‘He hit the nail right on the head.’

‘What?’ Scully said, taking a break in her journey up Stella’s body. Stella opened her eyes to look at her, lifting herself up onto her elbows. ‘He asked the one question I am too afraid to ask you or myself.’

‘Stella…’

‘No,’ Stella interrupted her quietly, lightly shaking her head. ‘I want you to know why I left. And why I couldn’t come back.’

‘I already know,’ Scully reassured her, shuffling up the bed to sit next to Stella. Stella did the same, pushing herself up, her back slightly hunched with her legs sprawled out before her, still under the covers. Scully pushed herself close, their bodies facing each other, and Stella watched as Scully moved up onto her knees and clasped her hands in front of her. Quietly Stella awaited Dana’s explanation, finding herself not knowing what to expect. Dana knew her better than anyone. Maybe she did know.

Dana put her hand on Stella’s thigh. ‘You’re afraid that he’s right. You think that somewhere down the line, for whatever reason, I will want to leave and go back to him.’ Stella looked down, defeated by her own predictability. She hated being normal, she hated being needy – and right now she felt like she was the worst version of both. Dana continued. ‘You’d rather be the one that leaves before all of that happens, because you think it will save me from choices I haven’t had to make yet. So you left, so I wouldn’t be influenced by you or say things I didn’t mean. But Stella, if you make that choice like that, that’s unfair to both of us. You don’t want to leave. I don’t want you to leave.’ Stella sighed. ‘I regretted leaving as soon as you closed the door. But I couldn’t stay. You said it yourself, you would have had this conversation with Mulder with or without my being there. It’s something you two have to do alone, not with me there.’ ‘But you _are_ here, and you are in my life,’ Scully said softly, cocking her head to the side to study Stella’s face with wandering eyes. ‘And you need to figure out how far you want that to go and what you want that to mean. It doesn’t matter what Mulder thinks or wants. He doesn’t know you and he doesn’t know us and he can approve or disapprove but none of that really matters.’

Stella sighed, trying to keep up with Scully’s racing brain. Scully shifted even closer, her face now well in Stella’s personal space. Stella searched Scully’s face with her eyes, letting them wander from the ocean of Dana’s blue orbs down to her lips before coming to find peace back in Scully’s eyes. Scully continued softly. ‘We just talked about this before Mulder showed up. You can’t just throw it all out the window because he said something.’ Stella shook her head lightly and Scully noticed the raging turbulence in Stella’s eyes. ‘He knows you so well, Dana.’ ‘Not all of it,’ Scully said, somewhat defensively. ‘I have my own life. He has had trouble accepting that before, he will have trouble accepting it now. But this is my life, and I want to share it with you.’ Stella blinked slowly. ‘…If that’s okay,’ Scully added, a questioning look crossing her face.

Stella felt her heart shudder as Dana once more admitted that she indeed wanted to be with her. Letting go of one more fear today wouldn’t do more damage than she’d already done, she decided, and as Dana started to move away Stella leaned in, catching Scully’s lips between hers without warning. Scully gasped, surprised, but quickly adjusted as Stella felt Dana’s smile melt into her lips. Leaning back a little she let the feeling in her heart spread all throughout her body, knowing Scully would be able to read the truth in her eyes. ‘That is okay,’ Stella said softly. ‘In fact, it’s more than okay. I’d love to share my life with you, Dana.’ Scully smiled sweetly. ‘I thought we already shared it,’ she teased lightly. Stella sighed. ‘You’re not making this easy.’ ‘What?’ Scully tried to play innocent. Stella pushed herself further back against the headboard, her arms reaching for Dana who straddled her bare upper legs. Stella’s hands came up to Dana’s back, slowly caressing up and down in steady strokes. ‘Okay,’ Stella started. There were five words in her brain, five words that she’d realized she’d never said to anyone before. She also knew this probably wasn’t the time and it wasn’t even necessary, but Stella felt she wanted and needed to say them. This was something she had to do, something that would make up for all the words she couldn’t articulate. So she gathered her courage, absorbed it through her fingertips along the lines of Dana’s back before bravely searching for Dana’s eyes. Dana looked at her, calmly, a little glimmer of hope shining from the depths of her infinitely blue pools. That glimmer gave Stella all the strength she needed, and straightening her shoulders she quietly settled her gaze on Dana’s.

 ‘Dana Katherine Scully, will you be my girlfriend?’

She watched how Scully absorbed the words, one by one, repeating them subconsciously to make sure what she’d heard was real. She saw Dana’s eyes widen, her mouth open in a quiet gasp and she felt how Dana’s hands rose from their places on her sides and fell back again. ‘Oh my God,’ Scully whispered. Stella smiled, feeling giddy and nervous all of a sudden, her strong and defiant mask quickly failing her. She stayed quiet , feeling the weight of her words settle in Dana’s brain and in her hands as they finally found each other around Stella’s back. Dana pulled her close, squeezing her, her hands shaking as her voice muffled itself in Stella’s hair. ‘Yes, yes, of course,’ she answered. ‘I didn’t think you’d ever actually ask me.’ Stella shrugged in Dana’s embrace. ‘You could have asked me,’ she commented. ‘I wouldn’t have said no.’ Scully leaned back and raised an eyebrow at her. ‘Good to know,’ she smiled widely.

Their eyes seemed to see each other in a completely different light as both their brains tried to accept the term ‘girlfriend’. Neither had spoken of it before, but they had both thought of it, unbeknownst to the other. Finally, Stella was the first one to move.

She pulled Dana close and rolled them over, pushing her leg between Dana’s. Dana giggled and threw her head back, exposing her neck to Stella who accepted it greedily. Her lips ravished Dana’s pale skin, trying not to leave marks, but knowing it was useless to try and control any aspect of this relationship. So she gave up and just lived, just breathed in the moment and let Dana’s body tell her what to do.

They danced together, their bodies knowing each other so well but still always finding new places to kiss and touch; new ripples to send through each other and new ways to elicit the loudest, or softest, response. Stella’s hands touched more than just skin, they touched Scully’s heart, and somewhere in the middle of their ridiculously large hotel room bed Stella accepted all that Dana had said. ‘So,’ she whispered into her ear as her hands undid the clasp of Dana’s bra. ‘You want me, huh.’ ‘Oh yes,’ Scully replied, turning her head to nuzzle her nose in Stella’s hair. She wriggled out of her bra, letting Stella toss it to the side before she reached for her again. Stella felt Dana’s hands on her sides, skimming her ribs and her breasts before pulling her close, needing to feel her skin. She smiled at Scully’s eagerness, opening doors for her, allowing her to forget everything that had happened today. And maybe that’s exactly what Dana needed as well – To close one door, but to open another, all at once. So maybe it was good they were in a strange hotel room, in a place that neither of them knew, but they were together – exploring what it all meant in the safety of anonymity, but in familiar arms.

‘Hold me,’ Scully asked softly, pressing Stella as close as she would come. Stella pushed her leg up a little, spreading Dana’s thighs, and her mouth found Dana’s collarbone. ‘You feel so good,’ she moaned into Dana’s skin as Dana’s hands touched and kneaded the skin of her shoulders. Scully tried to wrap her legs around Stella, tried to pull her in closer. ‘I’m not going anywhere, love,’ Stella whispered into her skin and moved up to press a kiss onto the corner of Dana’s mouth. Dana captured her lips and pushed her back, turning them over again, lifting herself up and above Stella to look down at her. ‘I’m not about to let you leave, so you better stay,’ she warned, a serious undertone to her voice. Stella nodded wordlessly, her eyes roaming Dana’s ivory skin dusted with faint freckles. ‘I will, I promise,’ Stella vowed to her and to herself. She watched as Dana clasped their hands together. ‘There’s nowhere I’d rather be right now,’ Dana admitted quietly. ‘Except maybe your own bed,’ Stella added, a slightly guilty look passing through eyes. ‘No,’ Scully shook her head lightly, letting her hair whisper around her face. ‘Not even there.’ There was a whole unspoken story behind her piercing blue orbs, and even though Stella didn’t fully understand it she knew to trust Dana’s truth. ‘Good,’ she just confirmed, telling Dana she was right where she was supposed to be.

Scully let herself study Stella as intently as Stella was studying her. She watched how a slight involuntary blush crept up Stella’s torso and up onto her cheeks under Dana’s scrutiny. Stella let her look though, let her see every part of her as openly and as truthfully as she could and it gave Scully courage and made her feel such a rush of love that she felt the hairs on her skin stand on end. ‘Touch me,’ Stella invited her, and Dana complied, moving back a little to pull Stella into a sitting position with her. Scully removed Stella’s bra quickly, kissing her deeply as her hands found their way along Stella’s body. Stella held her close, letting one hand wander to the edge of her panties and inside. Scully gasped into Stella’s mouth, kissing her slowly, trying to prolong the moment. Stella felt it, Dana’s almost desperate need to hang on to this, and she let her free hand cup Dana’s cheek while the other one remained on the curve of Dana’s ass. ‘Relax,’ she asked. ‘Just enjoy it. We’ve got all the time we need.’ ‘I need to feel more of you,’ Scully said softly, and Stella nodded, understanding Dana’s need to feel grounded. She pushed herself up against the headboard, quickly throwing her panties aside before pulling Dana to straddle her upper thigh. Stella’s hand found its way back to Dana’s pussy and she watched how Scully closed her eyes as her lips formed a silent ‘oh’. Stella clasped her hand over one of Dana’s and directed it down her own body before releasing it right where their thighs met in a struggle for space. Stella’s other hand easily found Dana’s opening, wet and ready, and twisting her wrist found the perfect position to touch her while still being able to look at her beautiful face contorted in pleasure. Dana’s body caught what little light there was in the room beautifully, accentuating the curve of her shoulder, her slender back and down to the arch of her ass. Stella drank it all in, everything she could see, hear and feel as she let her fingers explore.

Scully was struggling to keep her eyes open and her fingers focused on their task as Stella softly tickled and teased her, but she wasn’t about to surrender – Stella’s body was quietly begging for her attention and she wanted nothing more than to give it to her, so she followed Stella’s lead and direction to touch her in much the same way as Stella was touching her. Scully shifted a little to fit her hand where Stella wanted it, wrapping her free hand in Stella’s hair to kiss her fiercely. Their bodies moved together, building each other and themselves up on waves of desire and emotion that started to flood freely between them.  Stella’s body felt warm to the touch, soft and pliant and yet strong and incredibly fierce. Scully felt that warmth and strength melt together between them as it formed the foundation upon which they sat, the strange but deep love they held for each other having changed from fragile and insecure to something stronger than the bedrock upon which Manhattan was built. It felt safe now, still wondrous and beautiful, cracked and a little peculiar but safe and strong and Dana hoped Stella knew how she felt. One look at Stella’s face showed her the answer she’d been hoping to see – Stella’s eyes told her all she could never say. Every word that hadn’t been thought of to describe what she felt was reflected back at Dana through Stella’s misty blue eyes and through the tender squint and the micro-smile that played on Stella’s lips before she pulled Dana in again. Scully kissed her, wetly and openly and Stella responded in kind. Her entire body thrummed, feeling alive with Dana’s love and strength and acceptance but also deeply aroused by every inch of their touching skin. Dana’s fingers worked Stella’s clit softly, but expertly, keeping her guessing as to what their next move would be and throwing off her own rhythm on Dana’s pussy. Stella loved it, although she rarely allowed someone to throw her off balance she welcomed it and almost craved it when she was with Dana.

Soon, too soon, she felt her limbs tense and her inner muscles flutter and quake. Dana felt it too, and it only encouraged her. ‘Dana, wait,’ Stella managed to whimper into her jawline, trying to twist away from Dana’s perfect touch to her clit. Dana withdrew her fingers, keeping her touch light, seeking eye contact with Stella to see what was wrong. ‘I want you to come with me,’ Stella sobbed before clearing her throat. ‘Together.’

Dana smiled sweetly, feeling her heart burst with infinite love for the woman wrapped around her soul. ‘Yes,’ she nodded fiercely, capturing Stella’s lips and twisting her fingers to slip two inside. Stella gasped. ‘You have to wait,’ she uttered into Scully’s mouth and the mischievous smile she felt didn’t help at all. ‘You can do it,’ Scully encouraged her as she pushed her pubic bone into Stella’s thigh, trapping her hand. Stella leaned back, lifted her chin defiantly and accepted Scully’s challenge. She let her lips relax and kept her eyes on Dana’s, letting her see what she was doing to her, letting her in to see everything her bare and naked heart could stand to show. Scully angled her hips, giving her better access while hanging on to Stella’s body with one arm around her neck. Stella twisted two fingers inside of Dana, twisting and wriggling them at no particular rhythm and Dana bit her lip to keep from crying out. ‘Fuck that feels good,’ she hissed, trying to keep her eyes open for Stella. ‘Yes, keep going.’ And she did, Stella kept going and going until her hand tensed up with the rest of her body. She kept going when she knew Dana was close, because she trusted her to know, trusted her to take Stella with her over the edge when she finally fell. And just as her movements threatened to falter, as her body was on the verge of passing out from waiting, from trying to hang on, from postponing the inevitable – she felt Dana’s walls around her, impossibly tight, and she felt as much as saw Dana’s wordless whimper of love leave her lips before her eyes finally fell shut. Stella threaded her hand through Dana’s hair, pulling her in, flicking her thumb across her clit one last time as a long moan left her lips and she finally let the immense wave of white surrender encompass them both.

For long moments neither knew anything except the deep, shared cloud of intense pleasure that thundered between them. What had happened with Mulder was forgotten. The only thing that they knew was each other, their bodies pressed together and the orgasm that started in Stella but consumed Scully as soon as it had the chance, growing, building and expanding to encompass every single molecule of their bodies. Stella didn’t know where she ended and Dana began, except for the hand that was threaded through Dana’s soft fiery curls she just felt softness and slick warmth all around her. Scully moaned deeply, pressing her body into Stella, shuddering with the intensity of everything she was feeling. Her lips found Stella’s shoulder and pressed desperately into Stella’s skin as Scully felt Stella’s hand in her hair hold her close. They cradled each other, taking their time, finally accepting that they were not in a rush.

A few wonderfully breathy minutes later Stella found the strength to lean back a little, searching for Dana’s eyes amidst a wonderfully messy mix of blonde hair, red hair and some stained mascara. But find her she did, and a sweet smile was waiting for Stella when she finally made eye contact again. ‘I’ve never done that before,’ Stella admitted quietly, feeling her heart overflow with tenderness as her lips involuntarily curled into a similar smile. ‘Me neither,’ Dana said, and they giggled together at the absurdity of that statement. ‘Well,’ Stella smiled, ‘You wouldn’t, it’s something you only share with your girlfriend.’ She pretended to think deeply about her next words. ‘And… I believe I am your first.’

Dana stayed quiet for a few moments before a cheeky twitch appeared in the corner of her mouth.

‘So… Does this mean that if I want to leave, I have to break up with you first?’

Stella squinted her eyes at Dana, trying to appear hurt, but it was no use with Dana’s naked body wrapped all around her. The laugh that had been building inside her soul burst out and she buried her face in Dana’s skin, her body shaking lightly with laughter. ‘Yes,’ she managed finally. ‘Yes, it does.’


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stella and Scully go home only to find Mulder waiting for them at Scully's apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feeling a bit vulnerable about this one. Please let me know how you think I did...

The morning was well underway by the time they woke up. Stella opened her eyes and was met with Dana’s hazy gaze, the gaze of someone who had just woken up  herself and was enjoying the moment . Stella let her lips break out into a tender smile, one that she saw returned on Dana’s sweet face. ‘Morning,’ Dana rasped. ‘Morning,’ Stella responded, her voice equally heavy with sleep. Dana turned away and checked the time. ‘Oh wow,’ she said, ‘we slept in.’ Stella shrugged and closed her eyes again. ‘I really don’t care. Check-out isn’t until noon.’ Scully turned back and placed a kiss on Stella’s lips, feeling Stella’s arms wrap around her, warmly hugging her close  like she’d done many times before . ‘What time is it?’ Stella asked finally. ‘It’s after ten. We should get home.’ Stella opened her eyes, meeting Dana’s. ‘Yeah, let’s do that,’ she said quietly. ‘I brought you clothes,’ Dana said equally softly, keeping her eyes on Stella’s. Stella blinked softly. ‘Really?’ she asked. ‘Yeah,’ Dana replied, smiling widely. ‘I’ll get them, hold on.’ She pushed herself up into a sitting position,  her muscles protesting as she moved. Her joints cracked as she put pressure on them, standing up from the bed, and Scully chuckled. ‘See, I’m getting old,’ she commented mostly to herself as she pulled her shirt over her head and used her fingers to release her hair from the neckline. Stella sighed deeply and watched Dana move to her bag and dig out a pile of Stella’s clothes. ‘That’s so thoughtful,’ Stella said and  Scully shrugged. ‘Just the basics. Nothing fancy.’ ‘Still,’ Stella said as she rose to sit on the edge of the bed, her bare legs hanging off the side, ‘ You thought of that while there was so much going on. Thank you.’ Scully shrugged again. ‘You’re welcome. I’m going to take a quick shower, use this room while we can.’ Stella nodded, impressed and slightly at unease at Dana’s ability to ignore her naked form on the edge of the bed. She left her feeling a little tense, still a little unsure of the consequences of her actions despite everything that had been said between them. 

  


Scully didn’t pay much attention to Stella on purpose. She just wanted to get home. A tight feeling had settled in her chest, one that told her she had to get away from this artificial safety they were in. Her home should be their safe place, not some hotel room somewhere in a city. That part of their relationship was over, and even though it had built the solid foundation upon which their relationship stood steadily, it shouldn’t continue to shelter them from every storm they encountered. Stella needed to come home with her and that needed to be enough. So Scully methodically gathered her clothes, put Stella’s next to her on the bed and turned towards the bathroom, feeling Stella’s gaze on her every step of the way. She wanted to hug her, reassure her and hide with her forever but she knew she had to lead Stella out of that habit and back into her home. She showered quickly, relieved when Stella didn’t join her, even though she’d desperately wanted her to she knew it would only prolong their hiding and delay their scheduled encounter with the truth. Stella was in the same spot when Scully exited the bathroom, only this time she was dressed in the clothes Scully had brought for her. ‘I’m ready,’ Scully announced steadily as she put away  Stella’s worn clothes in her bag. ‘Are you sure you don’t want to grab a bit of breakfast?’ Stella asked softly. Scully shook her head, finally meeting Stella’s eyes and softening her stance a little. ‘I just want you home,’ she admitted in an open, quiet voice as she reached her hand out to Stella.

A sigh left Stella’s lips and was replaced by a smile, a dazzling one that Scully found she’d really missed even though it hadn’t been that long since she’d seen it. Stella took Dana’s hand and pulled herself up, raising the back of Dana’s hand to her lips to kiss it quickly before releasing her to slip on her heels and find her coat. ‘All right, let’s go then,’ she agreed. 

Stella quickly checked out as Dana waited by the door and Stella quietly followed Dana to her car, feeling bad that she’d made Scully drive to her even though they’d had some alcohol and she must have been filled with conflicting emotions. Scully drove home quietly, glancing over to Stella a few times but allowing the air between them to comfort them as well as giving them time to come to terms with what their situation was.

As they turned into Dana’s street Stella heard Dana’s surprised gasp before she saw what was happening. ‘Stella...’ Dana said as a warning, but Stella had already spotted the man that was waiting by Scully’s door. ‘Fuck,’ Stella whispered. ‘What the hell does he want?’ ‘It’s okay,’ Scully tried to calm her down, ‘He’s not going to hurt us. That’s the last thing he’d do.’ ‘I’ve heard and said that many times before,’ Stella said softly. Scully took her hand and clasped it lightly before turning off the ignition. ‘With Mulder, it’s true, trust me.’ Stella searched her eyes, her whole body having gone in protective mode, but finally she nodded and sighed as Dana got out of the car. Stella followed, taking Dana’s bag, approaching Mulder just a step behind Scully. ‘Mulder, what are you doing here?’ Scully asked him, and Stella swallowed at the tenderness in Dana’s voice. ‘Oh hey, Scully, there you are,’ Mulder said, reaching out a hand and coming down the few steps towards them. ‘I was just...’ He waved his arm in the general direction of her door, ‘Coming to say sorry. But you weren’t there.’ ‘You have nothing to apologize for,’ Scully shook her head. ‘If only we’d all stop apologizing.’ Stella bowed her head, feeling the truth and desperation in Dana’s statement. Mulder looked from Dana to Stella and back. ‘ I could have been nicer,’ he said quietly, directing his words at Stella who lifted her chin and met his eyes coldly. A hopeful, sincere frown appeared between Mulder’s brows and his lips curled into an apologetic smile, one that Stella could fully understand to be capable of melting Dana’s heart. She warmed a little, a small smile playing around her lips. Scully looked back at her. Stella sighed and stepped forward. ‘I believe I overreacted. I’m sorry.’ Scully threw her hands in the air and Stella turned towards her. ‘Right, no more apologizing.’ 

Mulder pursed his lips and nodded to himself, seemingly making peace with something. ‘Well,’ he said to Stella, visibly making an effort not to make this awkward for Scully, ‘I was surprised. That’s all. I’m not judging you or Scully or in any way devaluating what you have. I was just… You gotta admit, it’s one hell of a story.’ Stella smiled gently at this man who was clearly trying to build bridges. ‘It is. And I appreciate you making an effort. I understand you feel as if I’m coming between you and her, but we have to respect Dana’s wishes. Sometimes things don’t work out the way we want them to.’ Something in Stella’s eyes caught Mulder’s attention and something in his heart called him to reason.  He had a story, so did Dana. But so did Stella, probably, and he had no right to judge her based on the mere fact that she was with Scully. He sighed deeply and let his eyes wander from Stella’s to Dana and back. Stella shifted on her feet, slightly on edge, but no longer fearful of an attack. ‘I just…’ Mulder started, and Stella saw the depth of feeling and emotion in his eyes before he’d uttered his next disarming words. ‘I just don’t want to lose her.’ 

Scully stepped forward, putting her arm on Mulder’s, leaning in close to him as their foreheads almost touched. ‘You won’t,’ she emphasized, squeezing his forearm. ‘I’m here, whenever you need me for one of your crazy theories or if something happens or if you just need to talk. I’ll always be here, Mulder, but I need to get out of that little house. You know I’m always there for you. I just can’t live under your theories anymore. It’s suffocating me, Mulder, and Stella allows me to breathe. She isn’t getting between us. She’s there for me and I know you are too and I wish I didn’t have to choose. But living like that, not talking about it, that’s worse and it will end up killing all three of us. So if this is the way it has to be then I’m asking you to trust me. And to let me go.’ 

Stella looked at Mulder, who in turn looked from Scully back to Stella. He sighed on a smile, lightly shaking his head, and Stella did the same. ‘She’s always been the rational one,’ he commented, his voice heavy with emotion but still hellbent on keeping this interaction friendly and nice. ‘Can’t argue with that brain.’ He turned to Dana. ‘ You know I’ll have your back no matter what. I’m glad you found her  and not some random dude with buck teeth .’ Scully smiled through her tears, and pulled him in for a hug. Stella stepped back, watching this beautiful couple make amends and come to terms with the fact that they were now no longer together.

A fter a few moments Scully pulled back and composed herself slightly, wiping her cheeks. Mulder bit his lip and moved his steady gaze from Scully to Stella, who was patiently waiting and careful not to intrude.

‘Protect her, okay?’ he said to her, his voice shaking but strong.

Stella wanted to protest, tell him Scully didn’t need protecting, that she was strong and could fend for herself. She was about to throw all kinds of facts and statements at this man who clearly didn’t know what Dana needed. Or did he? Stella swallowed her first comment and took a second to look at Dana, who was just observing Mulder quietly while a tear ran down her cheek. Stella realized in that moment that Dana was the only one who knew all of their stories. Everything that was a question for either Mulder or her, Dana probably had an answer and she didn’t seem to mind or care or be offended by Mulder’s statement. Stella didn’t know how many times Mulder had saved Dana. She was afraid to know. But that meant that maybe Mulder was right, and maybe in some sense Dana did need someone to protect her – even just from her history, from herself.

Taking her cues from Scully Stella stayed quiet, licked her lips and nodded confidently at the man in front of her. She didn’t say anything, but her intentions were clear. Mulder knew. He needn’t worry about that. 

Scully sighed deeply and interrupted the moment when it threatened to get too heavy. ‘Do you want to come up? We haven’t eaten, I’m making pancakes.’ ‘Are you?’ Stella said, happy for the distraction and genuinely looking forward to food. ‘Yeah,’ Scully confirmed. Mulder looked down at his shuffling feet. ‘No, Scully, thanks. I just came by to make amends.’ ‘Okay,’ Scully said weakly. ‘You’re always welcome to join us.’ ‘I wouldn’t want to be the third wheel,’ he said quietly. Scully pursed her lips at him, knowing this was just one of those situations that couldn’t be avoided. ‘You’ll never be a third wheel to me,’ she said. ‘And Stella knows that.’ Stella nodded behind her in confirmation. Mulder still shook his head lightly. ‘Thanks for the invite but I have a couch to get back to. Got theories to investigate.’ Scully nodded. ‘Just make sure they don’t get the better of you.’ ‘They won’t,’ Mulder assured her with a hand on her arm. Scully reached up on her tiptoes to place a kiss on his cheek before turning towards Stella, telling her it was okay to join her, it was time to move on. Stella followed Dana past Mulder towards her door. ‘Hey Scully,’ Mulder called after her as she stuck the key in its lock. Scully turned around and Stella followed. ‘I’m happy for you,’ he admitted softly but bravely. ‘You look happy.’ Scully smiled a teary smile and Stella couldn’t hold back  as her hand found its way to Dana’s shoulder. Dana nodded and smiled at him, grateful for Stella’s support but also understanding as she felt Stella’s hand come to her shoulder and fall down again to make sure Mulder wouldn’t get hurt more than he already was. ‘That means a lot,’ Scully said softly. ‘And I am, happy.’ Mulder nodded at her and with one final nod to himself turned to leave. Scully bowed her head and opened her door, leading the way into an eerily quiet apartment building. 

They stayed silent all the way up to Dana’s front door. There Scully turned to see if Stella was still with her and she was met with two blazing grey eyes, open and sad and happy and full of every emotion in between. Scully absorbed Stella’s silence for a moment as another tear slowly ran down her face. Stella watched it but let it go, knowing it was inevitable and necessary for Dana to feel this way as she just made sure she stayed close should Dana need her support. ‘Thank you,’ Scully whispered to her as she opened the door and let Stella in. ‘I needed that.’ ‘We all did,’ Stella assured her. ‘ You were right, he’s a good man.’ Scully nodded in front of her and looked behind her to check if Stella had her bag. She held out her hand and Stella handed it to her, brushing her hand across Dana’s on purpose. Scully smiled at her through her tears. ‘I’m okay,’ she confirmed Stella’s unasked question and Stella nodded. ‘Coffee?’ 

Scully sniffed and nodded to herself, straightening her back and trying to fall in line with Stella’s attempt to just keep going. She succeeded for now as she raised her chin and allowed some of the negative emotions to ebb away with a deep sigh. ‘Yes, please,’ Scully said and Stella headed for the kitchen. 

A few minutes later a somewhat composed Scully joined Stella in the kitchen, carefully sneaking her arms around Stella’s  warm  body as she was placing two mugs on the counter. Stella breathed in deeply and turned in Scully’s embrace, leaning back against the counter as she hugged Dana close for a few minutes.  Dana leaned her head against Stella’s heart while they waited for the coffee to finish brewing. As the deep homely scent of freshly brewed coffee filled the room Stella felt Scully relax a little, her arms still firmly around her waist, but her body noticeably less tense as she finally pushed herself to look up at Stella again. I’m okay too,’ Stella confirmed, and leaned in a little allowing Dana to close the distance if she wanted to. Scully firmly flattened her hand along Stella’s spine and pulled her in to kiss her deeply.  She felt Stella’s lips between hers, soft and familiar and perfect, and she snaked her tongue out to meet Stella’s in a quiet reaffirmation of their love. Scully pulled back after a moment, wanting to say something but having trouble finding the right words. Stella looked at her, searched her eyes and found every question Dana wanted to ask clear in the blue of her infinitely deep gaze. ‘We’ll work it all out,’ she said softly before kissing Dana again. Stella let her hands cup Dana’s jaw and her thumbs feathered along the skin of Dana’s cheeks to just try and offer some form of support to everything that Dana must be feeling. Scully’s brow tensed and quivered lightly before she found Stella’s lips again, kissing her openly, capturing her bottom lip wetly between her own. 

Soon, Stella broke away, needing air to breathe and needing Dana to slow down. ‘Dana,’ she whispered, and Scully leaned back. ‘Pancakes,’ Stella stated, and Dana nodded. ‘Right, breakfast.’ Stella stepped back and took the mugs she’d collected to fill them with coffee, handing one to Dana as soon as she was done. Dana set about finding a pan and making the batter and Stella watched her, leaning against the counter and just observing Dana Scully as she came to terms with the events of the past fifteen hours. 

‘What did he say?’ Stella asked suddenly, her brain stuck on one question. ‘When?’ Dana asked. ‘Yesterday,’ Stella said, sipping her coffee carefully. ‘You said you talked and he didn’t understand but he didn’t have to. It seemed like he had at least accepted he isn’t in control.’ Scully sighed as she poured a spoon of batter in the hot pan. It sizzled, distracting both of them, giving Dana precious time to form her answer.

‘He said a lot of things,’ she started. ‘He said… He said I was the one for him. And I think my response is what helped him understand.’ Stella took time to carefully put down her mug, paying much more attention to its placement than necessary. ‘What did you say?’ she asked finally.

‘I said.. I think if me and him aren’t meant to be, then… Then I think you might be the one. I think you might be who I’m supposed to be with now.’ 

Stella listened to Dana’s words, still focused on the marble of Dana’s counter top, feeling Dana’s words test and stretch the limits of her comfort zone. It held up though, it held up and only strengthened as Stella found undeniable truth in Dana’s words. It was an elusive feeling, one that Stella had liked that way, one she’d needed to stay away more than she’d needed to find it but maybe it was time to allow that feeling to find her. You can’t stay lost forever, her heart told her. You need to allow someone to find you. ‘Hey,’ a kind voice called for her. She looked up from her mug and found Dana’s eyes looking at her expectantly. There was no fear, no doubt, just an abundance of love and a little spark of hope as Scully reached her free hand out to Stella. Stella took it, clasping their fingers together, needing no words to explain to Dana what she was feeling. She gave a slight nod in the direction of Dana’s pancake. ‘Careful, or you’ll burn it.’ Scully smiled and turned her focus back to their breakfast, releasing Stella to flip the pancake over. ‘I’ve got it,’ Dana said confidently, ‘trust me.’


	11. Chapter 11

Soon a stack of pancakes was sitting between them as they sat across from each other at Scully’s kitchen bar. Stella was inspecting the bottles of syrup and other toppings Scully had gathered from the cupboard, contemplating what to put on her breakfast. Dana was cutting up some strawberries and somehow it felt like a celebration rather than a comforting meal, and the mood between them was lightening up as time ticked by and the grey clouds surrounding them lifted away. Scully put a bowl of fresh fruit next to Stella and handed her a spoon. ‘So, what do you want to do today?’ she asked. Stella shrugged. ‘I really don’t care. Do you have to get in to work today?’ Scully shook her head. ‘I don’t have a shift, I can work from home. I have a lot of paperwork to do and a class to prepare.’ ‘Then let’s just stay here, I brought a book,’ Stella suggested. ‘You can borrow one of mine too if you want to,’ Scully nodded towards her bookshelves. Stella smiled. ‘Thanks, I’m halfway through this murder mystery and it’s not particularly good, but I want to finish it.’ Scully shook her head. ‘Why do you read that when you’re surrounded by it all day?’ ‘I had it lying around. I just grabbed something for the flight.’ Scully nodded, thinking back to the journey Stella had made for her. An eight hour flight in the middle of the night, just to be with her on her birthday. That was two days ago, and they hadn’t talked about when Stella would go back. Scully wondered if Stella knew how long she was staying but somehow she was afraid to ask. So she just ate, allowing the sweetness and warmth of their breakfast to dissipate any haunting feelings that might be developing.

After breakfast Stella changed quickly only to make Dana stop dead in the middle of her living room as she came down dressed in a lace rimmed satin crop top and black leggings that fit her perfectly. ‘Are you going to sit here looking like that while I do paperwork?’ Scully asked incredulously, her eyes wide as they roamed Stella’s body. ‘Yes,’ Stella confirmed. ‘Do you mind?’ Scully shook her head. ‘No, no, absolutely not.’ Stella just smirked at her and folded herself in the big chair in the corner as Dana spread out her files on the coffee table, sitting on the floor, glancing up at Stella only to look away embarrassed as Stella caught her. Warmth was swirling all through Dana’s body and mind, warmth and comfort and desire and love. She loved Stella more and more every second they spent together and she was beginning to wonder if there was an end to how much her heart could still expand. It was scary, but also not, but Dana knew that eventually they’d have to talk about the future while Stella was still here. Scully understood Stella’s fear of freedom, the undeniable responsibility that came to lie on both of them with Mulder no longer being a cornerstone of this relationship. It opened up all kinds of possibilities but also questions, and Dana found herself contemplating some of them as she worked her way through administrative duty.

Stella tried to focus on her reading, she really did. Dana distracted her a few times, with a look, or a sigh, but mostly it was just her own brain calling up scenarios and situations she didn’t particularly want to think about. After thirty minutes however Stella decided to give up. She sighed, stood and put her book down. Scully looked up and watched how Stella exited to find her bag before coming back with a notebook in her hands. ‘Can I borrow a pen?’ Stella asked. Dana handed her one with a smile and Stella sat down heavily in her chair again, tucking her feet in underneath her. Dana remembered Stella’s dream journal, and her urge to write things down if they threatened to clutter her mind, and she wondered if they were thinking about the exact same thing. She watched how Stella sighed and found a blank page in her fairly new journal and started putting down little x’s to make a list before starting to write. Stella looked up when she felt Dana’s eyes on her and Dana watched as a slightly unwanted blush crept up into her cheeks. Stella sighed and returned her focus back to her journal, deciding to let Dana watch, to even let her ask questions if she wanted to. But Dana stayed quiet, like Stella had thought she would, giving her the space to express herself in any way she needed and wanted to. It was that freedom that gave Stella the strength to open up.

‘Come sit here,’ Stella said softly the next time Scully’s eyes found hers. Dana put down her pen and pushed herself up, moving over to sit on the armrest of her chair next to Stella. She avoided watching what Stella had written, putting her hand on the back of the chair and waiting for Stella to tell her what she needed to share. ‘You can look,’ Stella said as she pushed the notebook towards Dana a little, turning the pages back to the ones she’d written on the plane to see Scully. ‘I wrote this when I was on my way to see you earlier.’

_“The words flowing from her brain into ink carved neatly onto the paper were ones of hope, love and the future and somehow that made it easier. She wrote how she hoped the best for Dana, and how she hoped she could be a part of that.” - Chapter 2._

Scully studied Stella’s face to look for signs of discomfort or doubt before she read Stella’s writing, because she knew that Stella had a very intimate relationship with her words. Taking them without complete consent meant violating her trust, and to read them without making absolutely sure Stella wanted her to would mean cracking or even breaking that trust. The words in that journal came straight from Stella’s core, she knew, and they weren’t written by Detective Gibson but by the little girl, the beautiful young woman and the beaten down soul that made up Stella’s heart.  So she checked and double checked with every tiny muscle in Stella’s face, body and hands to make sure Stella was ready to share this with her. Stella’s chin dented and quivered lightly under her attention but her lips fell open slightly as Stella released a breath and relaxed. ‘It’s okay,’ she confirmed. ‘I want you to read it.’ Dana leaned in, holding the book with her free hand and tucking her head in next to Stella’s to read over her shoulder. She inhaled Stella’s scent and let her eyes recognize and absorb Stella’s words.

_Dana is important. She gives me hope. Hope for us, but also for myself. I had given up but she never does._

_She deserves happiness. I don’t know if I’m capable of giving her everything but I want to find out and see if I am ready to try again._

_If we are lucky enough to have a future I want to spend it with Dana._

_What happens if there is nothing tying us to our homes anymore? Where is my home?_

_What is the next step?_

Scully read everything, slowly, carefully, making sure she absorbed every word and its full meaning before moving on. Statement after question flowed from the page into her heart, etching itself onto its walls, creating waves of tender love to flow throughout Dana’s body. She took it all in, reading on until finally there was only one line left. Dana reached for Stella’s hand on instinct, feeling by the way it was singled out at the bottom of a page that it held a specific weight and value for Stella. Stella took her hand and squeezed it, feeling Scully hesitate before she finally let her eyes fall on that one last sentence.

_How far will I be able to go?_

‘Oh Stella,’ Scully sighed deeply, pulling Stella’s hand into her lap. ‘There’s more,’ Stella said softly, turning the page to where she’d been writing earlier. ‘I’m writing down all the questions I have. It helps me work through them. You don’t need to answer any of these, you don’t need to say anything. I just need to write it down.’ Scully nodded. ‘I know. It’s… I don’t know what to say.’ ‘Too much?’ Stella found her eyes. ‘No, no,’ Scully shook her head. ‘You’re so brave for putting it into words like this after everything that happened.’ Stella huffed and dropped her eyes to the paper, turning it as the heaviness of her words hung in the air between them. ‘I can’t make sense of half of it. So I write it down.’ Scully nodded and released Stella’s hand. ‘You know, I was just thinking about the exact same things. I know you just came over to be here but so much has happened… We do need to talk about it before you leave.’ ‘We do,’ Stella agreed. ‘I’m just not sure I’ll have answers.’ Scully stood reached out a hand to Stella, who took it and tugged Scully around the chair. ‘Maybe we don’t need answers right now. Maybe just knowing the questions will prove to be enough,’ Scully said softly as Stella pushed her notebook off her lap to make room for Dana. Scully settled in the corner of Stella’s arms, casually throwing her legs over the side. Stella raised an eyebrow at her but pulled her closer, loving Dana’s freedom and craving it to feed her own courage. She tugged Dana as far into her as she could go, pressing her lips to Dana’s jaw as one of her hands snuck under the sleeve of Dana’s shirt. ‘I have work,’ Dana protested lightly into Stella’s mouth. ‘You started this,’ Stella replied, kissing her deeper to emphasize her words. Dana moaned softly but pulled herself up, breaking their kiss. Stella licked her lips and looked up at her, watching as Dana seemed to be deciding her next move. Finally Dana turned her head and looked at her. ‘I have something for you,’ she said as she struggled a bit to get up. Stella watched her curiously, not sure about the feelings she was getting from Dana’s demeanor. She seemed hesitant, a bit wary, but also soft and tender and it was a confusing mix. ‘Okay,’ Stella said, getting her notebook off the floor and laying it on Dana’s coffee table.

She leaned her elbows on her knees, her eyes following Dana around the room until she disappeared into the hallway and Stella leaned her head down with a sigh. ‘I’m not good at this,’ she muttered softly into thin air and waited, but she almost jumped as Dana’s legs appeared in her vision again a lot sooner than expected. She’d quietly crossed the room and Stella felt a warm, small hand on her shoulder. ‘Neither am I,’ Scully admitted. ‘I feel like I’m fifteen again. Only we’re not, and none of that matters. We know each other and we know we make a good team. That’s what’s important.’ Stella nodded, a smile finding its way along her lips, carefully teasing the limits of her emotional braveness. Finally she let her heart give in again, she felt it lift off and fly freely within her chest, guiding her to her feet and fitting her hand in Dana’s. Dana guided her to the sofa on the other side of the room, sitting her down, their hands clasped together. ‘What’s wrong?’ Stella asked, concern rising coldly in her bones. Dana’s smile hadn’t faltered, and it confused her, the tension in Scully’s body impossible to ignore but her giddiness almost tangible in the air. ‘Nothing,’ Dana replied. ‘I have something for you.’ Stella pursed her lips. ‘You said that. Also, it was your birthday, not mine.’ ‘I know,’ Scully grinned, releasing one of Stella’s hands to take a little envelope out of her pant pocket. ‘This has been in my cupboard for a while. The timing was never quite right but that’s just what our life is, we have to create the right time ourselves.’ She handed Stella the envelope and watched Stella intently as she carefully took the gift from Dana’s fingers. Scully watched as Stella studied it without looking like she was, weighing it, feeling the paper and the outline of the small, hidden object between her fingers. ‘Dana…’ ‘Ssh,’ Dana shushed her.

Stella knew what it was. Her brain told her almost the instant she felt the object in her hand. Her fight-or-flight response kicked in, for some reason, and she felt a sheen of sweat start to rise on her forehead and between her fingers. She looked from her hand to Dana’s eyes and back to her hand as Dana’s gaze was too intense, too focused and she was afraid the light shining from Dana’s eyes would burn a hole right through her soul if she looked at it for too long. As if staring at the sun Stella was blinded by Dana’s energy, finding it hard to regain and focus her sight as all she saw was a white ball of light. She carefully tested the light from the shadow she’d been hiding in, opening the envelope with nimble fingers and folding it neatly to reveal a piece of paper with something taped to the back. It had Scully’s address written in black ink, gracefully, and Stella took her time admiring Scully’s handwriting because it was the only thing still casting any kind of shadow and she needed that shadow for a moment longer. Scully understood, allowed Stella her time and sat back, one hand on Stella’s thigh and the other folded nervously in her lap. Stella felt Dana fidget next to her, watched from the corner of her eye as Scully put her hair behind her ear again and again as it fell back to frame her face, that face that was still intently focused on her and her alone. Finally the hand that had been fighting with her hair came back so Stella’s thigh and Stella grasped it for support, kissing the back lightly before tipping and emptying the envelope niftily into the palm of her hand. Scully chuckled at Stella’s trick and Stella cast her a grin, dissipating the tension between them, and as her eyes turned back onto the envelope’s contents Stella felt the last of her hesitancy leave her body. The shadow that had been cast around her heart over many years finally lifted, one more layer fell away and Stella felt her palm quiver with the weight of a perfect silver key.

She felt Scully reach over and cover her hand, pulling it between them to make sure Stella was okay. ‘It’s just a key. So you don’t have to ring the doorbell anymore should you want to surprise me some time again.’ Stella nodded, lifting her free hand to Dana’s cheek. ‘It’s not just a key, Dana,’ she whispered. ‘It’s so much more. Thank you.’ ‘Are you okay with this?’ Scully asked carefully, but she already knew the answer as it was clear from the light in Stella’s eyes. Stars shone brightly from their depths, rivaling the warmth in Dana’s soul and letting her know that everything was exactly how it was supposed to be. ‘How long have you had this?’ Stella asked. ‘What?’ ‘You said you’d been hanging on to this for a while, how long?’ Stella repeated the question and Dana bowed her head, smiling widely down onto their clasped hands. ‘Months,’ she said softly.

Stella didn’t reply, she just watched Scully as she found her eyes again. They lived in that space for a few moments, that place where their hearts spoke volumes to each other without their bodies speaking a single word. Sometimes they used their touch to write words into each other’s hearts, sometimes an expression was enough. Today, in this moment, two stories were told in the space of mere seconds, their paths finally emerging from the forest of their history to find each other and move on as one.

‘I don’t know how far you’ll be able to go, only you can answer that question in time,’ Scully said softly after a few minutes of beautiful silence, ‘But I do know that with this, I can show you how far I’m willing to go with you.’

Stella slowly pulled her in this time, unable to stay away from her any longer, needing to feel Dana’s entire being against hers. ‘Together we could conquer the world,’ she whispered into Dana’s soft red hair pressed against her cheek. ‘I don’t want the world,’ Scully answered in a soft, shaky voice that spoke of a heart tired of fighting itself. ‘I just want you.’


	12. Chapter 12

‘Months, huh,’ Stella pretended to overthink Scully’s earlier statement, her body still tucked away safely in Stella’s warm limbs. ‘Did you have it at New Year’s?’ Scully nodded against her shoulder. ‘I had it with me.’ Stella leaned back to find Dana’s eyes, searching them and finding nothing but truth in them. ‘It wasn’t the right time,’ Scully said, her lips emphasizing the ‘m’ and opening on a small breath. Stella softly kissed Scully’s parted lips, catching her thoughts with her mouth and absorbing them through her soul. Dana responded in kind, softly but infinitely sweet and tender before leaning back to find Stella’s eyes again. ‘It wasn’t,’ Stella agreed. ‘It wouldn’t have meant the same. It would have been too soon.’ Scully turned away to head to the kitchen. ‘Maybe it still is,’ she said over her shoulder. Stella sat back down and watched as Scully set about making tea. ‘Maybe it would always have remained too soon,’ Stella pondered slowly, her brain figuring out where it was going as the words left her mouth. ‘At least until we decided otherwise.’ ‘I don’t know what too soon means, or how we could know when the right time is,’ Scully said as she moved around, gathering a tea bag and a mug. ‘Tea?’ 

Stella and shook her head. ‘I’m thinking I’ll go out for a bit and stretch my legs. My muscles are killing me.’ Scully turned to look at her. ‘Not as young as we used to be, huh.’ ‘Soon we’ll start falling apart, rotting away,’ Stella joked, but Scully didn’t miss the sour undertone her voice took on. ‘Nah,’ she shook her head, reaching out her hand and pulling Stella in close to her, ‘we’ll be okay.’ ‘Hmm,’ Stella hummed as she returned Scully’s soft hug for a second before breaking away to find her shoes and coat. ‘I’ll come with you,’ Scully announced. ‘Stay here, I won’t be a minute,’ Stella shook her head lightly. ‘You have work to do.’ Scully shrugged. ‘It’s fine. It can wait. Stella…’ Stella turned to look at her. 

The look on Dana’s face made her pause. She took a step back, catching Dana’s hand again. ‘Hey. I’m not running away again. I really just want to stretch my legs. Maybe get some groceries.’ Dana nodded and  even though  the concern slowly flooded away from her eyes she  stilll looked a bit defensive. ‘I can have groceries delivered,’ she commented, a frown forming between her brows. Stella chuckled. ‘All right, fine. Have groceries delivered and come have a walk through the park with me.’ She pulled her coat tightly around her and waited for Dana, who poured her tea into a tumbler before finding her sneakers. ‘Clever,’ Stella commented, and Dana proudly handed it to her. ‘I’ve become a professional at eating and drinking on the road,’ she explained and Stella nodded. ‘Did you make Fox tea?’ she asked. Scully sighed. ‘Iced tea,’ she mumbled, and Stella instantly knew she’d hit a memory. ‘Americans,’ she sighed, trying to brighten Dana’s instantly darkened mood with a joke. Dana looked at her sadly and smiled a thin smile, letting her know she was okay. Stella put her hand in her pocket and held out her elbow, mentioning for Dana to link arms with her. Dana gingerly pushed her through the door first but as soon as it locked behind them she found her spot next to Stella, warmly tucked away into her side. 

They walked along the water for a while, quietly, lost in their own worlds of imagination as the weather around them changed and dark clouds rolled in. A light rain made itself known in little dots on Stella’s coat and on Dana’s grey sweatshirt, quietly falling between them, on them, and all around them like a breath of warm air released after heavy exercise. Stella glanced at Scully, who rolled her shoulders and met her eyes with a smile already on her lips. ‘This is nice,’ Stella commented, a light tone of irony along the edge of her voice. ‘Well, you should be used to this,’ Scully responded. ‘Just like home.’ Stella returned the smile and found Dana’s arm with her free hand, squeezing it softly as they continued to walk. ‘It’s been home for a long time, but times change,’ she said softly as the rain continued to grow heavier around them. ‘I do mean what I said, Dana.’ Dana stayed quiet next to her, so Stella found the space and strength to continue. ‘I don’t know when I’ll be ready to do this, but I’m not opposed to the idea.’ ‘Well good,’ Scully tucked her chin in to harbor the warmth of her sweater. ‘I’m not ready now, either. I need to close things off with Mulder first. I need to know he will be okay on his own.’ Stella nodded. ‘I know and I want to help you with that wherever I can, so just let me know what you need, okay?’ Scully leaned her cheek on Stella’s shoulder. ‘I don’t know what I need,’ she admitted quietly. 

The rain intensified and Stella pulled Scully with her to stand under a big tree, partially sheltering them from the heavy drops falling down on them. Scully giggled. ‘It’s just rain,’ she sniffed as Stella pulled her close. ‘I know,’ Stella said seriously. ‘I like it,’ Scully shrugged. Stella looked at her and sighed. ‘What?’ ‘It feels nice,’ Scully pointed out, her hand gesturing to her skin. ‘It’s purifying, I think.’ Stella chuckled and raised her eyebrows. ‘All right,’ she sighed and took Dana’s hand to continue their walk. Scully resumed their leisurely pace along the green lawn and Stella fell in step next to her. ‘Just rain,’ Scully repeated, and Stella tipped her face up towards the sky. She felt the cool water come down on her and she had to agree, it was quite relaxing and actually nice. Scully wrapped her arm around Stella’s again as she tucked her hand in her pocket, holding Dana close to her. ‘Just rain,’ Stella repeated, and Scully looked up at her profile lit up by the eerily glowing sky. Stella stopped and closed her eyes, and Scully softly turned her body to fold herself against Stella’s, enveloping her in a hug as she too closed her eyes. Stella accepted Dana’s hug, her intimate need for a connection, and she allowed the moment to purify her heart – there was clarity in the water, a sense of stability and normality and it calmed her soul and penetrated deep into her bones. As a chill spread on her skin Stella realized it wasn’t the cold, or the rain, but it was the sensation of another piece of the puzzle falling into place. She didn’t know what piece. She didn’t know what her part was, or what Dana’s part was supposed to be, but she trusted what she felt and she knew by Dana’s reaction that she felt the same. 

‘We’re on the right path,’ Scully whispered to her softly. ‘Where is it leading us?’ Stella asked, her voice slightly hoarse. ‘I don’t think we’re supposed to know,’ Scully answered, her voice slightly muffled by the collar of Stella’s jacket. ‘But I’m sure we’ll find out eventually.’ Stella nodded, because it was all she could do. She nodded and held on to the one thing that she knew for certain was right in her life – Dana Katherine Scully, the one who quite possibly saved her.

It took them another hour to get home, and what would have been a short walk had turned into a full three hours away. By the time they got back it was well into the afternoon and they were soaked to their skin with the continuous rain. Scully showered first, shyly dressing in front of Stella as Stella got in the shower after her, and by the time Stella got out there was a steaming cup of coffee and another piece of pie waiting for her on the coffee table. Stella sighed at the warm feeling in her stomach and as she pulled one of Dana’s comfortable sweaters over her head she tried to analyze what she felt. She couldn’t identify the feeling, but she knew it was good, and thus she settled in her chair again with a book and one eye on Dana who set about cursing and sighing at her paperwork again. She read the words on the page but they didn’t stick and her mind quickly wandered to London and how long it would be before she saw Dana again. She took out her phone and checked her work schedule and email, quickly browsing to see if there was anything that required her immediate attention, but finding that the only thing worthy of her focus right now was Dana, who was still trying to figure out what she needed to do and if she had everything after Stella had swiped everything to the floor. ‘I should probably help you with that,’ Stella sighed as she saw Dana rearrange a stack once more. ‘Seeing as I’m the one that messed it up.’ ‘I’m sure I have everything,’ Dana answered, still very focused on the pages, ‘but I just can’t focus.’ Stella hummed in agreement and put down her book again. ‘Maybe it’s time we categorize this day as blissfully lost and we just do nothing.’ ‘Sounds like a plan,’ Scully agreed as she threw up her hands in silent frustration one last time. ‘There’s just no way I’m going to be productive today.’ ‘Well,’ Stella rationalized, ‘It’s very normal for you to need time to adjust. A lot has happened and I suggest we take the time we have to make the most of being together.’ Scully nodded. 

The forbidden question hung heavily between them. Stella thought about it. Scully felt it curl around her lips, slide down her throat and clamp itself onto her heart, weighing it down and tensing her up. ‘When...’ she started but Stella interrupted her. ‘Not today. Not tomorrow.’ ‘But...’ Scully tried again. ‘You can’t just stay away forever.’ ‘I just checked my email, I’m not needed there. I’m needed here and I want to be here. There’s no reason for me to leave yet.’ ‘But...’ 

Stella sighed and Dana stopped again. ‘Sorry.’ 

‘If you want me to leave before that, then I can,’ Stella said, leaving all judgment from her voice, trying to sound calm and rational. ‘I don’t want you to leave, I said that,’ Scully said as she slumped slightly in defeat on the floor, overlooking the table of paperwork that had beaten her in a game of willpower, ‘But the longer we put it off the harder it might be.’ Stella knew Dana was right. She also knew she didn’t want to accept that Dana was right. It formed a wall in her brain, a blockade that inhibited her from forming any rational thought. Dana watched it happen and she felt it mirror her own feelings, the gloomy grey clouds from outside forcing their way in through the gaps and holes in their already weakened hearts. Their eyes met and the darkness saddened them for a moment before Scully sighed deeply, slapped her hands on the tops of her thighs and pulled herself up. ‘Well, I’m going to have a nap. Join me?’ ‘For a nap?’ Stella raised one eyebrow at her, and Scully chuckled. ‘Yes. You know, sleep for a bit in the middle of the day and completely screw up our rhythm.’ ‘Sure,’ Stella said with widened eyes, as if to question Dana’s motives, but she followed her anyway and when Dana reached behind her she was elated to feel Stella slip a warm hand into hers. ‘Hold on,’ Stella said and let go to detour into the kitchen to gather a bottle of wine and two glasses before following Dana to the bedroom.

‘This day has been a fucking mess,’ Dana commented as she threw her pants and sweatshirt onto a chair. Stella gracefully did the same and watched wordlessly as Dana slid into the bed, fluffing their pillows. She sat down on the edge of the bed and cocked an eyebrow at Dana as she held up the bottle and glasses. ‘That’s why I brought this.’ ‘I’m not getting drunk in the middle of the afternoon,’ Scully said somewhat insulted. Stella shrugged. ‘I’ll just get inebriated by myself then. Don’t use my body when I’m too drunk to notice.’ ‘I promise,’ Scully pouted her lips at Stella and smiled as she saw Stella pour one wine glass. ‘All right, give me that,’ she giggled and reached for the glass Stella held just out of reach. Stella pretended to evaluate her for a moment, looking her up and down from her position on the edge of the bed before handing Dana the glass. ‘Here you go, young lady.’ Scully accepted it and held it up. ‘To this day,’ she said, ‘A gigantic fucking mess.’ ‘That’s what life is,’ Stella said, holding up her own glass towards Dana’s and touching it lightly. ‘A culmination of one fucking mess after another, but if we can make it into a beautiful mess, then what a life we shall have.’ Scully nodded as the clarity of Stella’s words sounded through the touching of their glasses. ‘What a life indeed.’ 

It didn’t take them long to abandon their glasses and just  relax into the moment. Stella sat against the headboard, her legs spread out in front of her under the covers as Dana curled herself into Stella’s side. It was warm and cozy and the longer they stayed like that the more they sunk into the softness of Dana’s blankets. After a while Scully sat up and took off her T-shirt as well as she got deeper under the covers. ‘Come here,’ she asked Stella, and Stella regarded her with warm eyes before sighing and  sliding down under the blankets next to her. Stella’s warm body fit perfectly against Dana’s, their skin tingling with the sensation of having the other so close. Dana breathed deeply, trying to slow her heartbeat, because she really intended on getting a few minutes of sleep in. Stella next to her ran a finger up Dana’s bicep, carefully trailing her nail all the way down to Dana’s hand. ‘Stop that,’ Scully whispered with a sleep-heavy voice. ‘I’m not doing anything,’ Stella said innocently and Scully huffed. She felt Stella’s locks against her shoulder and turned to face her, finding her close with her eyes already on Scully’s face. She searched Stella’s gaze for a while, calmly trying to read the words that went unspoken, to gauge if there was anything they needed to discuss. Stella put her at ease with her presence and her hand on Scully’s, folding their fingers together as soon as Scully opened her palm. ‘I’ll look for plane tickets this evening,’ Stella said softly, her voice calm and methodical but heavy with a certain edge Dana didn’t recognize. ‘Don’t think about that now,’ Scully asked her, because she wouldn’t have something like that ruin this perfect moment. Stella nodded lightly and pressed her nose closer to Dana, who squeezed her hand lightly before releasing it. She curled her arm around Stella’s back, pulling her closer until their legs intertwined and their bodies breathed as one. ‘I love this,’ Scully said into the skin of Stella’s collarbone.

Stella tried to relax, tried to give in to the moment. She tried to commit to the level of vulnerability that  she felt Dana was asking of her  just by giving it to her . She wished she had it at hand, right there, easy to access and put away again but she didn’t and it was yet another stab to the insecurities that swam around in her head about whether she was right for Dana or not. But the wine in her system made her skin glow and her brain swim, and it gave her enough gravity to allow her worries to float away for now –  and to free her brain into that place where rational thought and better judgment weren’t defined as clearly as they probably should be, but instead were mere footnotes to her needs and desires. And at this moment her needs were right in front of her, in Dana Scully’s skin and bones wrapped all around her like a safety net built of another human. She wanted to be that for Dana, and she knew in some ways she was. And in some ways Dana didn’t need her to be. Stella shifted a little to tuck Dana’s head under her chin, gaining an elevated position,  needing it to feel safe. Dana felt it happen and she allowed it, knowing Stella well enough by now to know that this is where Stella found her peace. Scully let one hand wander from around Stella’s torso across her ribs to her own side, where she found Stella’s hand. She took it and kissed Stella’s knuckles before lying both hands across her heart, where the gently rhythm of her breathing eased Stella’s lingering tension. ‘ I meant it when I said you can always drop by unannounced,’ Scully said softly into the lace of Stella’s bralette. Stellla adjusted her cheek against Scully’s soft hair. ‘I meant it when I said I love you,’ she replied tenderly, opening her hand against Dana’s chest. Scully pressed her lips into Stella’s skin, trying with all her might to kiss her soul, but knowing that her skin would have to suffice as it was all that Stella was able to give. ‘I love you too, Stel,’ Scully whispered back, ‘And I’m so happy you are here.’ ‘Shh,’ Stella shushed her with a hushed voice as her hand found its way to that tender spot under Dana’s breast, ‘Close your eyes. Sleep, I’ll be here when you wake up.’ 

Stella’s words curled themselves around Dana’s heart like the alcohol in her blood. Softly they spread an uninhibited kind of warmth through her body and into her brain, where a sense of freedom was slowly forming around the idea of being Stella’s girlfriend. It meant she no longer had to make up excuses to visit her. She’d no longer have to hide it from the world, and even though it was the scariest thing she’d done in a long time Dana found she couldn’t be more proud and excited to now be associated by relation to Detective Superintendent Stella Gibson.

Next to her, she felt Stella’s breathing even out and her hand relaxed around Dana’s side. Scully smiled inwardly to herself, feeling Stella’s weight sink into the bed as she was lost to the realm of  subconscious slumber .  Closing her eyes she pressed a final kiss to Stella’s skin ‘I’ll be here when you wake up too,’ she whispered softly, careful not to rouse Stella and with a smile around her lips Dana closed her eyes to join Stella in the land of dreams. 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think there is one chapter left after this one. I am very, very grateful for the support I've been getting, it means the absolute world to me and to read that my story touches you the way it touches me is beyond special. I'm already setting up the next installment of their lives together and I'm looking forward to writing it a lot. I'm also going to be writing my first *actual* case fic, if anyone is interested in either beta'ing or co-writing that with me let me know. For now enjoy this fluffy chapter that takes place in a body of water once again - I swear I do not have a strange shower fetish. Gillian once wondered out loud what it is about women naked in the shower that fascinates us, and frankly, I don't know why she has to ask... lol. It's vulnerable, it's sexy and it's exposing. So here you go, Gillian. Please don't read this. 
> 
> That being said I have to say I'm really deeply touched by those of you that have reached out and told me that Stella and Scully together mean so much to you. I feel the same. All my love, and please let me know if you think I'm still doing them justice. I get afraid of failing them sometimes.

During their long, quiet nap Dana was vaguely aware of Stella shifting beside her. She heard Stella’s breathing change a few times, registered it, and subconsciously tried to calm her down by shifting closer into her. When after a blissful hour or two Scully finally woke from her nap she felt Stella’s labored breathing into the skin of her scalp. ‘Stella,’ she whispered, her voice sleep-heavy. Stella didn’t reply, but Scully felt Stella’s body tense. She shifted from underneath Stella’s arm and tried to sit up a little so she could see what was going on.

Stella’s hair was plastered to her cheek, wildly lashing across her face as her cheeks were wet with tears and her brow was furrowed in emotion. ‘Stella, hey,’ Scully tried to wake her softly. Stella stirred and struggled for a second to open her eyes before meeting blue with open, desperate shades of grey. ‘You’re okay,’ Scully managed as she tried to figure out what was going on. ‘Did you dream?’ Stella looked disoriented for a second and Scully gently wiped the hair from her cheeks.  She cupped Stella’s cheek before releasing her, putting both hands on the blanket beside Stella. Stella sighed and wiped the skin where Dana’s hands had just touched her before pushing herself up a little. She felt raw and open and she didn’t like it, so her first instinct was to pull up the walls around her heart. She tried for a good few seconds, finding Dana’s eyes too clear to look into, and as another tear ran down her cheek Stella directed her gaze inward to where her folded hands now laid on her blanket-covered thighs. ‘I don’t know,’ she finally said. And it was true, she’d woken up feeling distraught and unsettled but there had been no images tainting her dreams. Scully sighed lightly, not wanting to pressure her. ‘It’s okay to tell me,’ she tried again. ‘It wasn’t a dream, Dana,’ Stella tried again, but Dana didn’t let up. Stella watched the tops of her thighs as Scully softly let her palm run along Stella’s shoulder and down her arm. Stella didn’t pull back from Dana’s touch and Scully was glad, having felt Stella’s resistance and not knowing how to deal with it right now. Scully stayed quiet as Stella took a few minutes to adjust her brain, to seek out whatever memory had triggered her unrest and had inevitably woken the both of them up. She truly didn’t know, all she knew was that it must have been the past few days catching up to her and so she had no other explanation for Dana when she asked again a few minutes later.

‘Are you okay?’ Scully asked quietly, her voice a feather along Stella’s skin. She’d reassured Stella before but now she was the one needing confirmation, as she had no idea what was going on in Stella’s mind and she was having trouble reading the clues that danced across Stella’s facial expressions like fireflies. Stella directed her eyes to Dana’s, licking her lips and sniffing before releasing a shuddering breath. ‘Come here,’ she said finally, reaching for Dana’s face with trembling hands. ‘It’s not your fault.’ She kissed Dana softly, tasting her tears between their lips as Dana tried to intensify their contact. Stella accepted Dana’s hug, wrapping her up in her arms as Dana’s hands slid along her shoulder blades to connect on the curve of Stella’s back. Scully’s lips kissed away the remaining tears and soon Stella felt grounded again, settled by Dana’s gravity she could share with her as long as Dana was close. ‘Nothing happened,’ Stella reassured Scully, who replied by pressing her skin closer against Stella’s. ‘My brain gets in the way sometimes.’ Scully then leaned back, a frown between her brows. ‘Do you want your notebook? To write things down?’ Stella shook her head lightly. ‘There’s nothing to write.’ Scully nodded. ‘All right. Shower?’ Stella smiled weakly. ‘And then dinner,’ she matter-of-factly. ‘I’m starving.’ Scully nodded. ‘Sure.’

She got out of bed and reached her hand out towards Stella, who took it gratefully. Her smile was still weak, as weak as her knees and she stood on shaky legs. Scully released her and went about as if everything was normal, getting two towels ready and gathering some clothes for herself before tying her hair in a ponytail. Stella observed her from the corner of her eye as she did the same, putting her clothes down on the stool as Dana took off her bra and panties and waited for the water to warm up. Scully threw her a look before getting in the shower and Stella tried to reassure her by winking. Scully chuckled and stepped under the current before making room for Stella, who dropped her underwear on the floor and joined her. ‘No crying,’ Stella said softly as Dana put her hands on Stella’s hips. ‘I promise you it was just something that had to get out. It’s fine now.’ ‘Okay,’ Scully said as she openly smiled a confident smile at Stella. ‘Okay,’ Stella repeated as she got the washcloth and put some soap on it. ‘Turn around.’ Scully did, and Stella pulled her close to fit their bodies together as perfectly as she could. With Dana’s back to her chest Stella had everything she wanted well within reach, and she kissed Dana’s shoulder before taking the washcloth. She washed Dana’s front, softly running the cloth across her breastbone, her tummy, back up to her nipples and shoulders and down her arms. Dana breathed deeply, trying to relax instead of get aroused, but it was no use – especially when Stella attached her lips to Scully’s pulse running through her neck she knew she was lost. ‘Yes, Stella,’ she whispered as her hands reached backwards to find Stella’s sides and hold her close. She ran her hands up and down Stella’s wet skin as Stella continued to care for her. Stella’s free hand pushed Dana’s ponytail to one side before traveling down a path towards her short curls. Dana’s legs trembled like Stella’s had before and Stella smiled at her own still-present ability to absorb the strength she needed from others. She let her fingers wander lower, teasing Dana’s lower lips before dipping between them. Dana let her head roll back onto Stella’s shoulder, giving her better access to the skin of her jaw and neck.

Stella didn’t want to close her eyes. The misty downpour of the shower was making her vision blurry, but she didn’t want to close her eyes. She needed to watch this, needed it burned into her brain for all eternity – God knows when it might disappear again, she thought, and she felt her heart clench at its eternal ability to look on the dark side of things. Thankfully there was Dana, and she needed Dana to show her the light – now and forever. Stella was scared that it would disappear again if she closed her eyes. Dana’s light was what made everything worth the risk these days – from exiting the house to confessing her love to her, Stella did everything knowing Dana’s light would be the one thing guiding her home if she got lost. And she was bound to get lost, now that the directions had changed from the path to darkness into the light – it wasn’t a road Stella traveled often, and when she had, she’d taken everything with her and been sent on her way each time with nothing left but a few shards that made up the ever-sharp remnants of her heart. But Stella knew that when Dana had come along, her heart had still been in shambles, and maybe that was why they worked. Dana knew a lot about a broken heart. Hers just shattered differently, but no less completely, and Stella admired her for putting it back together the way she seemed to do every single time. Even now, wrapped up in Dana’s arms, Stella could clearly sense the questions Dana must have about what had happened earlier but she was willing to push that aside, to put her focus on whatever Stella needed instead of running away from the possible ways in which Stella could now destroy her soul. ‘I didn’t mean to scare you,’ Stella whispered softly when Dana dug her nails in Stella’s lower back. Scully moaned as Stella let her hand push lower. She knew Dana had heard her and she used her silence to strengthen the emotional spider web that was forming around the vulnerable parts of her brain, keeping them together but exposed nonetheless. ‘I haven’t had a girlfriend in a while. I’m out of practice.’ She curled her fingers towards Dana’s clit. ‘You’re doing… Just fine,’ Scully managed in between deep breaths. ‘Jesus, Stella.’ Stella smiled as she open-mouthedly licked and kissed Dana’s entire neck and below her ear. ‘Oh fuck,’ Scully cursed and hissed as Stella lightly tugged her earlobe. Stella repeated the action and Dana pushed herself backwards into her body. ‘Take me,’ she whispered to Stella, and Stella felt her arousal shoot through her body like a rocket into a darkened sky. She dropped the washcloth and squeezed Dana’s breast before lightly pulling her shoulders backwards against her own.

Dana bent her back a bit and Stella slid her hand down Dana’s arm to direct it upward, wanting Dana to hold both hands above her head. Scully caught on and moaned as she stretched her body, letting her hands come together behind Stella’s neck as she arched her back and pushed her breasts forward. Stella was locked into place behind Dana, giving her free access to her entire body. She traced both her hands to the tops of Dana’s breasts, kneaded them softly before pinching Dana’s nipples and sinking her teeth in the skin of her neck at the same time. Dana hissed and thrust her hips backwards. ‘Do that again,’ she managed, and Stella smiled wickedly before soothing the curve of ivory skin with her tongue. ‘You like that, huh,’ she whispered into Scully’s ear before repeating the action, sending one hand on a mission to Dana’s clit. It soon found its rhythm there, causing Dana to gasp, and Stella reveled in Scully’s responsiveness. She was all around her, her arms and shoulders framing Stella’s face, the perfect curve of her body running all the way down with Stella’s to where their feet touched. Stella pushed one thigh between Dana’s, asking her to spread her legs a little more and Dana whimpered as she did so, feeling Stella’s fingers explore her more freely and feeling her belly already start to focus on one goal only. ‘Can I make you come like this?’ Stella asked, as if she knew exactly what she was doing. Dana just nodded wildly, throwing her head back onto Stella’s shoulder again as her mouth fell open in a soundless gasp. Stella’s lips kissed and nibbled a path from her neck down to the curve of her shoulder and along the sensitive skin of her inner arms. She was careful, but determined, and Dana turned her head to try and watch Stella’s journey. Stella’s other hand wandered to Dana’s tummy and Dana released one arm from behind Stella’s head to direct it back up again, squeezing her breast with Stella’s hand in her own, letting her know that that was what she needed now. Stella smiled into her skin and playfully swatted Dana’s hand away. Dana tried to press a heavy kiss to Stella’s jaw as she raised her arms again, surrendering completely to Stella’s hands and lips. 

They danced like that, curled together in every possible way, until finally Dana couldn’t hold back anymore and surrendered to the orgasm she’d been desperately trying to postpone. All too soon her body started to shake and Stella felt Dana’s neck go slack in the curve of her shoulder as Dana Scully came apart quietly, but wholly, a stuttering moan all that was heard above the cleansing sound of the water around them. Stella held her up, whispering sweet nothings in her ear and letting her free hand trace lines all the way up to Dana’s hands and back down towards her hips. Dana’s skin erupted in goosebumps and Stella kissed them, as many as she could reach, until finally Dana turned around and captured her lips. Catching Stella’s hair between her hands Scully softly pulled her chin up, exposing Stella’s neck to her, running her tongue all the way from the pulse point at her collarbone up to her chin and back. Stella moaned and let herself lean back against the cold shower wall as she pulled Dana close. She still hadn’t closed her eyes, wanting to see everything, record every move and witness every breath as somehow she was still convinced this could possibly be gone one day. Dana watched Stella’s eyes carefully, studied them as if to take them apart on a subatomic level before putting them back together and drawing a conclusion. ‘Close your eyes,’ she asked hoarsely, her voice still lost to the shattering pleasure she’d felt. ‘No,’ Stella breathed, and tried in vain to kiss her. ‘Please,’ Scully begged, pushing Stella further against the wall and dropping her lips to Stella’s nipple. ‘Close your eyes.’ Stella smiled defeatedly, knowing she couldn’t deny Dana anything no matter how hard she tried. She fought it though, defiantly and dapper until Scully’s fingers found their way to Stella’s labia and started long stokes up and down Stella’s opening, teasing her clit on every pass. ‘God, Dana,’ Stella whimpered as she tried to keep eye contact with the angel in front of her.

Scully raised her chin at her lover. Stella knew what she wanted her to do and Dana knew how close she was to getting it. She pushed on, using her thumb to circle Stella’s clit as her fingers pushed roughly inside, causing Stella to slump forward into Scully’s arms. ‘Fuck,’ Stella said weakly and tried to stop her eyes from fluttering shut, but it was no use. Heavily her eyelids closed and she reached for Dana, needing to hold on to her with every other sense if she were to be denied her sight. Scully witnessed Stella’s surrender and it touched her unexpectedly, because it was proof of how far Stella was willing to go for her. She knew not to take it lightly and as Stella’s hands wound themselves in Dana’s hair Scully kissed her wildly, trying to tell her that she knew everything. ‘Stay close,’ Stella whimpered, and Dana nodded into her lips before kissing her again, softer than before but a thousand times more deeply. Stella tried to relax into the darkness, finding it a less haunting place as long as Dana was with her. She moaned at the feelings Scully’s fingers were drawing from her insides and soon she didn’t care what she saw as long as Dana didn’t stop. She told her as much with a heavy voice and she felt Dana smile into her mouth before her lips and tongue took a quest down to Stella’s nipples.

‘Oh fuck, oh fuck,’ Stella hummed softly as Dana swirled and circled Stella’s nipple with her tongue. Her fingers had started a steady rhythm and Stella felt the pressure inside of her building up to the point where her imminent orgasm was undeniable. She widened her stance and Dana scooted closer, pressing her lips to the skin between Stella’s breasts before finding her other nipple. Stella opened her eyes to curl her hands around Dana’s head, finding her hair still loosely tied and releasing it from its small black restraint with a trained flick of her wrist. Scully glanced up into her eyes with darkened desire and Stella bit her lip before letting her eyes fall shut again. ‘Please do not stop,’ she murmured one last time and Dana softly shook her head, stroking her cheek against the skin of Stella’s soft globes.

Dana stroked and licked, steadily catching Stella’s clit with her thumb with every push of her fingers, not letting up, not giving in as Stella’s body started to pulse underneath her. ‘That’s it,’ she encouraged Stella quietly, whispering the words into Stella’s chest. Scully turned her chin upwards to look upon Stella’s face, her rosy lips slightly parted and her eyes shut with a little crease between her brows. ‘You’re so beautiful,’ Scully told her reverently. Stella bit her lip again and Scully watched as a few soundless whispers escaped Stella’s lips. Her knees tensed and almost buckled as her toes curled in desire. ‘More, please, more,’ Stella begged and Scully gave her more, more of herself, more of her soul and her heart as she poured everything she had into the kiss she surprised Stella with. Stella yelped into Dana’s mouth and let her head fall back against the shower wall as she accepted Scully’s wet kiss. Scully increased the pace of her hands, faster, rougher and Stella moaned deeply. Scully leaned back a little to look at her and slowed her rhythm as she felt Stella tremble around her. ‘Keep going,’ Stella whimpered, her chest rising and falling with every heavy breath she took. ‘Please don’t stop, don’t stop.’ Scully felt a shiver right down to her toes and increased her pace again, dangling Stella just on that edge between not enough and too much until she felt Stella surrender completely to the impending thunderstorm that had hung just outside her reach. Stella trembled intensely and a soundless wail tore from her lips as her face contorted in pleasure. Scully watched in awe as she never let go, and never let up, as Stella rode out her orgasm with her lips apart and her heart more open than it had been fearing to be.

Half an hour later Stella was in leggings and one of Scully’s simple white tees as she went about gathering a knife from Scully’s drawers. ‘Sit down,’ she instructed Dana, who leaned her back against the counter. ‘I’m cooking dinner.’ Scully pursed her lips. ‘Okay,’ she conceded. Stella smiled at her as she looked back over her shoulder. This is what it is all about, Stella realized as she scraped the carrots into a pan – it’s not about who trusts the fastest, or who has the least fears. It’s how you work through those fears, how much of yourself you are willing and able to expose to one another bit by bit. And Dana was trying, and Stella was doing her best, and together they formed a couple that had no fears. Between them everything could be discussed, everything could be understood and therefore there was nothing, nothing at all that was holding them back. Stella sighed deeply at the realization, and as she looked over to the sofa she found Dana already looking at her. ‘What?’ Scully asked, being familiar with the therapeutic influence of cutting vegetables.

‘I just realized something,’ Stella said clearly. ‘It doesn’t matter if I go now or tomorrow, or in three days, or never at all. When I leave nothing will change. Bit by bit we’ll work on this and we’ll be together the whole time.’ Scully blinked slowly and turned her attention to her clasped hands before meeting Stella’s eyes again. ‘Always,’ she simply said.

And Stella just smiled, and continued cooking for her. She’d cook Dana dinner, and they’d enjoy it together. Afterwards, she’d book a flight home, and tomorrow afternoon or evening they would say goodbye.  But it wouldn’t be goodbye for long, because she had a key now. And even more, she had the confirmation that this was a real thing. They were now a thing and it scared both of them but also took many fears away. No more hesitation, Stella thought. It was time to look forward.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like always I am not ready to end this story yet, so even though I've said this chapter would be the last, it won't be. The next one is. I took an awful lot of time to write this and I'm not sure if it is even any good, but please let me know what you think. I'm absolutely thrilled that so many of you have reached out and are on this journey with me. X

Stella tried to push away the uneasiness that reared its ugly head at the homeliness of cooking for Dana. She pushed away the fear that came when she looked up across the table to where Dana was eating, hating the way her heart told her immediately to cherish this while it lasted. She pushed away the dark, dull ache in her stomach that flared up as she opened her laptop to check plane tickets. And slowly, bit by bit, she succeeded and an unwanted cloud gave up and started to slowly lift away from her mind. 

Dana sat next to her on the thick carpet, their arms touching as Stella opened the airline website. They looked at each other for a moment, neither knowing what to say, but both of them knowing exactly what was on each other’s mind. ‘Tomorrow,’ Dana said softly, and Stella nodded. Dana leaned her head on Stella’s shoulder and watched as her fingers swiftly moved across the keyboard. She felt Stella’s sigh as she chose her ticket and filled in her information, finding the plane that would take her away across to her place across the ocean again. ‘I wish I could stay,’ Stella whispered, and Dana nodded in agreement even though they both knew that technically, probably, she could. This just wasn’t the place or the time for decisions like that and they knew they should probably talk about it, but it was hard, and so they didn’t but for now that was okay. Stella booked her ticket and snapped her laptop shut, putting it down roughly on the table in front of her. Scully raised her head and looked at Stella’s face, carefully studying the unreadable expression she saw there. Stella gave nothing away, probably to protect Scully as much as herself and Scully understood. She dropped a kiss onto Stella’s shoulder before laying her head back to rest there. ‘When?’ Stella heard Dana whisper, even though she had seen the ticket being booked. She needed to hear it. Stella’s voice wavered as she softly answered. ‘Seven PM tomorrow. I prefer overnight flights.’ ‘I know,’ Scully said, ‘you told me.’ Stella huffed, knowing damn well when and how she’d told Dana but she needed something to say, something to hang on to, to make some kind of noise to deafen out the quiet but wild beating of their hearts as their separation went from theoretical to a very real ticking clock.

Dana knew this as well, like she knew so much and yet so little about this woman beside her. Scully liked it, the mystery surrounding it all, but she also knew that this time the fantasy didn’t outlive the reality. ‘I’ll come visit you soon,’ Scully said, and Stella nodded. ‘And I can always come back.’ ‘Yes, you can,’ Scully nodded. ‘Never doubt that you are welcome here.’ ‘I won’t, Stella reassured her with a slight shake of her head. Scully smiled a tender smile that went unnoticed but not unfelt by Stella and slowly they came to accept the mutual truth that even though their relationship was long-distance, they were lucky enough to have the resources to make that distance seem like just another number on a list of numbers. What were a mere seven hours on a plane if it meant they could have the level of love and intimacy, happiness and elation again? Stella chuckled at herself as she thought back to how pointless love had seemed and how actively she’d tried to avoid it before becoming such a stereotypical woman in love. ‘What?’ Scully asked at the sound. Stella lightly shook her head before turning to Dana and kissing her softly. ‘Nothing, love,’ she said in spite of herself (woman in love, indeed,) before folding herself back into a standing position. Dana looked up at her and let her gaze follow Stella around the room into the kitchen. Stella emerged a few seconds later proudly holding a bottle of wine and two glasses. ‘Want a glass?’ Dana shrugged. ‘Sure.’ She watched how Stella poured half the bottle into her own glass before giving Dana a nice, decent three fingers and Dana looked at her incredulously. ‘You know it’s my wine, right?’ she squinted at Stella. Stella nodded wordlessly and handed her the wine before settling back down against the couch. She held her arm open and smiled as Dana scooted closer, eliminating the space between them as it was unnecessary and unwanted. ‘I’m trying to get drunk with you,’ Stella whispered into Scully’s hair as soon as she could. Scully grinned at the truth that came out of Stella’s mouth, unabashed and uncoated as she’d come to expect and love and she held her glass up to toast with Stella’s. ‘I’ll drink to that.’ 

Two hours and a bottle and a half into the evening Scully chuckled at the realization that yes, the alcohol was definitely getting to her. Next to her she’d noticed Stella’s cheeks redden a tiny bit but that’s all she showed, even though she’d easily had double the wine Dana had. ‘Something funny?’ Stella asked as she finished her glass. ‘I think I’m getting drunk,’ Dana giggled. They’d been talking about everything and nothing in particular for the whole time with the TV on in the background but neither of them was paying attention to what was happening on screen. Stella turned her head to look at Dana, who was sitting with her legs straight in front of her with her back against the seat of the couch. Why they were still on the floor Stella had no idea, but it seemed the most comfortable and cozy and neither of them had wanted to move since the wine got involved. ‘Is that a good thing or a bad thing?’ Stella questioned slowly. Dana rolled her head towards Stella, her cheek touching Stella’s hair on the couch. Looking at Stella’s face she could see that Stella wasn’t wholly unaffected, the alcohol clearly clouding her brain a little more than Scully was lead to believe. ‘Dunno,’ Scully shrugged. ‘Good, I guess.’ 

‘Why?’

‘Why do you ask?’ Dana countered. Stella sighed and darted her eyes across Dana’s face. She licked her lips before tenderly cupping Dana’s face in her warm hand and kissing her lips softly. Dana kissed her back with the same care, a fuzzy kind of love that came easily in their current state of mind. ‘No reason,’ Stella said softly as she leaned back. Dana sighed and stood up slowly, her knees and back protesting against every movement that was asked of them. Stella watched as she left, undoubtedly headed for the bathroom, and a wistful feeling wove its way through her stomach.

A few seconds later Scully’s phone rang, quietly buzzing on the coffee table in front of her. 

Stella looked at the caller ID for a few seconds, stunned and unable to move as her brain was trying to figure out what to do. Set into motion by something other than her right mind her fingers reached for the phone and tapped the screen, hesitantly holding it to her ear. ‘Dana’s phone,’ she answered, her voice wavering and catching up to her brain, slowed down by wine and uncertainty. 

‘Stella?’ 

‘Yes,’ she answered. ‘Hi, uh… it’s Mulder, is Dana there?’ the voice on the other end of the line asked firmly. ‘No, no, Dana’s… she’s here but she’s unavailable at the moment.’ 

She heard Mulder’s defeated sigh through the phone as though he was sat right next to her. Right here, on the floor, between her and Dana. He wasn’t, and she knew that, but her current state of mind did not allow for such peace – and even though she tried to prevent it she felt and almost saw the wall around her heart slowly build itself up in the form of a cherry red net of love and blood and fear. ‘Can I take a message?’ she asked coolly. 

‘I just wanted to make sure she was okay,’ Mulder said softly. Stella scoffed. ‘She’s okay. I’ll tell her you called.’ Mulder hesitated and Stella found herself hoping he’d disappear from existence altogether. ‘Bye,’ she said, hoping to get rid of him. 

‘Stella, uh… wait,’ Mulder’s voice stopped her. She breathed in slowly, wishing the fogginess of her brain to dissipate even when she knew it wouldn’t let her off the hook that easily. ‘What?’ she asked, slowly letting the word roll off her tongue. Her head felt heavy and so did her emotions, and she wasn’t sure what exactly it was that she was feeling. ‘I…’ Mulder started. ‘I’m not a bad person. I hope you know that.’ ‘What do you care what I think of you?’ Stella asked, her voice a forced sigh with a hint of seriousness. ‘Scully cares about you,’ Mulder answered all too quickly and all too honestly. ‘I may not like it but I can respect her decision and I would like us to get along. I… I need us to get along. I can’t lose her to you.’ Stella was stunned and a little thrown by how truthful he sounded. She wasn’t equipped for conversations like this, especially here and now. ‘I don’t know you, but I’m sure you’re a lovely man,’ she said, surely sounding tired and hushed. She heard Dana’s footsteps in the hallway. ‘She’s here, if you want to talk to her.’ She heard Mulder swallow and sigh. ‘No, I’ll call her back. Bye, Stella.’ ‘I’m leaving tomorrow evening,’ Stella said, unsure of why, but feeling the need to tell him. ‘Okay,’ Mulder answered, his voice reaching the same level of exhaustion as hers. ‘Bye.’ A click and the following silence told Stella he’d hung up, and sighing she looked at the phone screen before putting it down. 

‘Who was that?’ Dana asked as she walked back into the room. Stella looked up at her and smiled softly. ‘Mulder,’ she answered. ‘I asked him if he wanted to talk to you but he said he’d call you back. He sounded good, Dana,’ she added as she saw concern wash across Dana’s face. ‘Okay,’ Scully conceded as she moved to sit back down. 

‘Sit up here,’ Stella instructed, her mind filled with unspoken words and unexecuted actions of love that she suddenly felt desperate to get out. Dana sat down and watched how Stella pushed herself up on her knees, her hands on Dana’s thighs. The simple pants Dana was wearing were a thin fabric and the warmth of Stella’s palms seeped through, burning her in their sweet affection. Stella curled her arms around Dana’s waist as far as she could, pulling her close, breathing in her scent. ‘Why did he call?’ Scully asked, her voice thick like honey. Stella sighed. ‘I don’t know, Dana. Why do men call?’ Dana shrugged, cupping Stella’s cheek with a soft hand before directing it upwards. ‘I’m yours,’ Dana whispered, but there was an underlying conviction to her statement that didn’t go unnoticed by Stella’s alcohol-induced open heart. She smiled carefully and pushed herself up to sit beside Dana on the couch. Stella could physically feel her brain struggling to find words, any words to describe or adequately name the feelings and emotions that she felt. However she found none, and neither did Dana, and so all she could do was kiss her. Kiss her, taste the wine on her lips and the love in her heart as Stella pulled Dana as close as she could. Stella’s hands tangled in Dana’s hair, grabbing it, hanging on for dear life as Dana felt Stella’s desperation and matched it with her own. ‘I know,’ Stella whispered in between heated kisses. ‘Do you?’ Scully asked, her voice hushed and trembling slightly. Stella nodded into Dana’s mouth, capturing her bottom lip between her own before softly raking her teeth along Dana’s flesh. They needed no more words. 

Stella felt Dana’s hands press into her back, her shoulders and her spine as she tried to pull her in even closer. There was no more space between them, their upper bodies pressed together as their legs pushed their spines into unnatural curves. Scully snuck her hand under Stella’s shirt, softly feeling and kneading every part of Stella’s skin she could touch as Stella slowly let her hands touch and caress every part of Dana. Her hands ran down from Dana’s fiery hair do her cheek, one finger tracing the curve of her jawline down to her neck as the other hand found the sensitive parts on the back of Dana’s arm. Dana pulled back to try and get Stella’s shirt out of the way and Stella discarded it quickly, shaking her head lightly to get her hair out of her face. Dana combed her fingers through and softly waved it all behind Stella’s back, letting her hands warm the naked skin she encountered there. Stella felt a brewing warmth start in the pit of her stomach, one that felt like nightfall and wood fires and amber and she reveled in the feeling. Trying to match Dana’s hunger she wandered her feathery touch down Dana’s front, over the soft fabric over top, firmly framing and kneading Dana’s breasts through the layers of fabric. ‘Take it off,’ Stella commanded her, and Dana whimpered as she complied. Stella breathed in Dana’s scent as she pressed her breasts into Dana’s, feeling the fabrics of their underwear create friction between them. Stella kissed Dana’s lips again before she intended to run her lips down Dana’s body, but as she planned the route in her head her fingers found the clasp of Dana’s bra and Dana’s demeanor changed. 

‘Wait, wait,’ Dana muttered, and Stella stopped. She found Dana’s eyes in concern, afraid she’d done something wrong, but needing Dana to tell her to understand what it could have been. Dana leaned back and crossed one arm in front of her in an attempt to cover herself. ‘What is it?’ Stella said softly into Dana’s neck. ‘Mulder… what if he… shows up?’ Dana managed as she cupped Stella’s face in her hands and pulled her back, keeping Stella from pulling away but her actions standing in opposition to her words. Stella attempted to read the situation and sighed defeatedly, feeling a dark and heavy weight roll into her stomach at the mention of Mulder’s name. ‘Dana...’ she just managed, but Scully pushed herself up to create some distance. Stella watched as Dana looked away, slightly ashamed, but also just needing the contact between them to stop and that hurt Stella more than anything else. ‘Do you want me to stop?’ she asked, her heart afraid of the answer. And she watched with a trembling heart as Dana directed her eyes towards hers, frowned apologetically and barely nodded in affirmation. ‘Say it,’ Stella replied, her voice thick and slightly commanding. Scully sniffed and sighed deeply, averting her eyes and blinking a few times before pushing herself up a bit further and meeting Stella’s hardened eyes. ‘Let’s just go to sleep,’ Scully whispered. Stella felt disappointment engulf her heart. ‘I’m leaving tomorrow,’ she reminded Dana. ‘I know,’ Scully just said as she turned her head away and pulled her legs up next to her on the couch. Stella sighed. ‘I thought you wanted this. That you wanted me.’ Scully frowned at the uncharacteristically emotional statement. ‘Do you even care about that?’ she spat back, louder than Stella expected, and it caused her to recoil a little on instinct. ‘Sorry,’ Dana added, but Stella shook her head lightly as she sat on the couch next to Dana. ‘It’s taken a lot for me to accept that I do care about that,’ she said, her voice shaky but unwavering. ‘If he can do this to us what does that mean? What does any of this mean?’ Scully sighed. ‘I’m drunk, Stella, I don’t want to talk about this now.’ Stella licked her lips and looked down at her hands. ‘Ok, Dana.’ She felt Dana’s heart try to reach out to hers, something Dana’s body was afraid to do, and sighing Stella bit back anything her brain might come up with and instead decided to be the one to reach out. She sighed heavily, trying to dissipate the negative energy between them, and pushed herself up from the couch. ‘I’m going to get ready for bed,’ she stated softly, and saw Dana hunch and nod from the corner of her eye. At that moment her heart prompted something her brain didn’t yet know how to do – It reached out for the person she needed next to her. Her arm extended itself towards Dana as her fingers tried to close the emotional and physical gap between them, and she hung her head in defeat. ‘Come on,’ she whispered. 

  


Stella walked back into the room on soft feet but unsteady legs. She crossed her arms tightly around her body, trying to get all the warmth she could from what little clothing she was wearing. Oversized shirts had never been her style but she could see how Dana liked them now, having been handed a huge grey T-shirt that had undoubtedly become softer and softer over the years it had been worn and washed by Scully. Stella had hesitantly taken it from her, darting her eyes up to meet Dana’s  to see if they were okay before accepting that her girlfriend had just given her a T-shirt that presumably had belonged to her partner at some point. They hadn’t discussed it. Stella had pulled it over her head, releasing her hair from the neckline with a deep sigh. Scully had licked her lips appreciatively before leaving Stella  in silence.  Stella hadn’t known where Dana had gone until now, as Stella found her curled up into the smallest ball allowed by the limited space on her three-seater. Dana’s eyes were closed and Stella listened to her breathing, trying to determine whether she was still awake or not.  She was torn between disturbing their fragile peace or leaving it to potentially simmer and boil into something they couldn’t manage.  They hadn’t exactly fought but some words that had been uttered had hurt both of them, and Stella wasn’t sure where they stood at this point. However Dana hadn’t raised her voice. She hadn’t yelled, hadn’t cried and hadn’t turned away  but had slowly reached out to her  when Stella had held out her shaking hand to get changed for bed. Yes,  Dana  was on the  couch , but she didn’t seem to want to distance herself – after all, this was her house, and if she wanted to create her own space she need just go into her bedroom and close the door. Stella knew that Scully understood that. Scully understood that space was the only thing  that was powerful enough to stand  between them sometimes. But instead of creating her own vacuum she’d opened their world even wider, heading back to the couch, essentially sleeping in the spot reserved for Stella in situations like these.

Still slightly u nsure  but also slightly  giving up on caring Stella decided to join her, finding the little space that was left to be a perfect fit. She curled herself behind Dana, pushing her body into the back pillows of the couch to hug her body as close to Dana’s as possible. Dana shifted and moaned a little, indicating she was indeed asleep, and Stella’s heart clenched shivering in alcoholic  limbo as Scully pushed herself back into Stella’s body and tangled her legs through hers. Stella folded her arm around Dana’s tummy, sneaking under her shirt, finding the soft skin that  she would soon have to miss again. She hated herself for allowing her  dark feelings to stain their time together with red dots of wine and anger and fear, but she’d known it would happen sooner or later. They both had feelings they didn’t discuss. And that was okay, as long as they trusted each other to stick together – and that’s what moved Stella to fold herself into the tiny but sufficient space around Dana’s body. She tried to stick with her. And the tiny movements of Dana’s body into hers told her everything she needed to know at this point, it told her that Dana tried the same, and wanted to try the same as her sleep-heavy chin lifted and her lips parted on a single word. ‘Stella...’ 

  



	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love them. That's all. I'm having a hard time letting go of this story and starting the next, and I promised to have that one up and running before I finish this - so I'm using that as an excuse to continue with this until finally I give in and start on the next one. Which, by the way, will be sweet and romantic and a fantastic idea given to me by @icannotjustify on twitter. So stay tuned.

Two hours later Scully woke up, feeling cold and warm at the same time. Her back glowed and felt heavy, and it took her a few moments to discover the woman responsible for that warmth was in fact Stella who was spooned up behind her. A stinging feeling ran through Dana’s heart at the thought of how they had left their day yesterday, and all the things that she hadn’t known how to explain suddenly seemed clear as day as her mind started to fully wake up to the realization this was Stella’s last day here. It was only 3AM but Dana felt wide awake after a few minutes, allowing her brain to clear the fog around it slowly and carefully before focusing on one thing and one thing only: Stella.

Her couch was doing its best at harboring them both for the night but Scully knew they’d have to move to the bed soon or else they’d both pay for it in the morning, their backs aching and muscles sore. Her own bones protested loudly against the small movement she attempted and behind her she felt Stella’s breath warm in her hair. A small moan escaped Stella’s lips and Dana carefully put her hand over Stella’s before disentangling herself from Stella’s limbs. ‘Stella,’ she whispered, wanting to wake her op in order to move with her to the pillows and clouds of softness waiting for them on her bed. ‘Stella, wake up.’ Stella didn’t stir and Dana leaned in to kiss her cheek, glowing with warmth. Her lips touched the soft skin of Stella’s face and suddenly she didn’t know why they had argued, she didn’t know why she’d stopped Stella and she didn’t know why it had even ever worried her that Mulder might see them. What was in front of her was the most precious thing she had at this time, and Mulder knew that. He had shown respect for her decision and she knew he understood the intricacies and boundaries of love because she’d been there with him, right there, and they hadn’t been able to make it work.

So as her lips touched Stella’s skin she knew she wanted nothing more than to be close to her, to feel her, and most of all to tell her all the things she knew in her heart to be true – she loved her, deeply, and yes, unconditionally. Scully kissed Stella’s cheek like butterflies kiss a flower, gently, but with intention and she didn’t stop as her lips found their way to Stella’s.

Stella woke to the feeling of two dainty hands holding her face and soft lips brushing hers. She was stunned for a moment, adjusting to where she was, trying to understand what was going on. Dana, she thought, it’s Dana, and her lips responded before her brain could catch up – recognizing Dana was something that seemed to be programmed into her by nature. Stella didn’t dare question it, although she did question what was wrong, what had happened that made Dana so desperately reach out to her. ‘Stella,’ Scully whispered in between kisses as she felt Stella respond. ‘Yes, love,’ Stella replied, her voice hoarse. ‘I’m sorry,’ Scully said, stopping her kisses only for a moment in order to get a few words out. ‘I’m sorry for what I said yesterday.’ Stella nodded and pushed herself up, embracing Scully who sat on her knees in front of her, taking her body as close as it would come and absorbing everything, Dana’s scent, her warmth, her words and her love as all of it culminated into Stella’s ultimate truth.

‘It’s okay,’ Stella finally managed to whisper, kissing Dana deeply and allowing her tongue to duel with hers for a moment before succumbing to Scully’s passion. Scully took Stella’s top lip, then her bottom lip and then captured her entire mouth as her tongue tried to dance with Stella’s. Stella felt Dana suck her bottom lip into her mouth and she relaxed, letting Dana do to her whatever she wanted. ‘Dana,’ she managed, and Dana released her before taking her face in her hands again and fiercely meeting her eyes. ‘I woke up and I had to tell you,’ she said. ‘I had to tell you I’m sorry and I don’t care if Mulder calls or shows up. I was just scared.’ Stella nodded and kissed her again. ‘I know, you’re allowed to feel that way. I was jealous and I shouldn’t be.’ Scully giggled and Stella’s heart jumped at the sweetness of the sound. ‘Jealous,’ Scully repeated and raised her chin at Stella. ‘I think I like that.’

They knew the conversation wasn’t over, but it was done for now as Stella stood and reached her hand out to Dana again, feeling that familiar electricity run through them as Scully folded her fingers through hers. She pulled Scully up and curled her digits around Scully’s hand as she pulled her towards the bed where they looked at each other, shared a sweet smile and took off their clothes before getting under the blankets. Stella kissed Dana’s shoulders, her arms, down to her sides and finally her belly before looking up and finding two heavenly bright eyes looking down at her. She continued, moving to the other side and kissing every inch of skin she could before reaching Dana’s collarbone, shoulder and finally her earlobe where she softly grazed her teeth along the sensitive edge. ‘Hmmm,’ Scully breathed, and Stella smiled at her as she saw how relaxed Scully looked. ‘Are you ok?’ she needed to confirm. Scully nodded and reached for her, pulling Stella down next to her, pushing her onto her back and shifting herself onto her side next to her. ‘I’m yours,’ she repeated, and Stella nodded confidently up at her. ‘I know. Come here.’ She pulled Dana down, raking her nails down her back, circling her hand around to trail her fingers lightly across Scully’s breasts. They found each other in their mistakes, in trying to show the other how much they cared they found their own passion and love and as Scully slid her flat hand along Stella’s sternum, down her navel and across the sensitive skin down between her legs Stella was overwhelmed with emotions. She sobbed, causing Dana’s eyes to snap up to hers, and a weak smile formed as Stella surrendered and allowed Dana to truly see her. Scully pushed the blanket down a little, watching where her hand disappeared under it to see Stella’s hips push up into her touch. She turned her head back towards Stella’s eyes, watching them closely, letting them talk to her in the words Stella was probably struggling to form.

Stella found Dana’s attention grounding and freeing as finally she felt light enough to talk. She bit her lip as Dana’s hand touched her deeply, sighing, allowing her to see the effect she had on Stella. ‘I don’t want him to see this either,’ she said softly, hoping not to cause a rift in their perfect union. ‘This is ours.’ Scully nodded and pushed herself against Stella’s side, keeping her hand buried between Stella’s legs and bringing her lips down to Stella’s skin. She felt Stella’s hand on her naked back, low, touching her and holding her close as their touch seemed to solve any problems and dissipate any tension by reminding them of their connection. That true, deep, unwavering connection that told Dana where to go, how to touch her and, after mere minutes, how to make Stella whimper and surrender to an orgasm that came unexpected to both of them. Scully watched as another tear escaped the corner of Stella’s eye, and as she reached up to catch it Stella’s hand shot up to lightly grab her wrist. Stella brought Dana’s fingers to her lips, kissing them, smelling herself on them and reveling in their erotic and open intimacy. Scully just watched, wordlessly, and when Stella released her she directed her hand upwards anyway to dry the long-gone tear from Stella’s eye. ‘Don’t cry,’ she whispered, ‘We’re okay, right?’ Stella nodded and another tear escaped. ‘I’m not crying,’ she tried to smile, but she failed miserably causing Dana to chuckle lightly in adoration. ‘Lie down with me,’ Stella said as she shifted onto her side and reached for Dana. Dana just reached for the blanket and folded herself into the warm shape of Stella’s body, gently laying her head over Stella’s wildly beating heart. ‘Try to sleep, it’s early,’ Stella instructed her. ‘You’re leaving tomorrow,’ Scully reminded her pointlessly. Stella nodded and kissed the top of her head, burying her chin and lips in Scully’s hair. ‘I know. Try to sleep, we have time.’

And she meant it, and it was true – they had all night and a part of tomorrow, but Stella never wanted it to end. She felt slightly insecure because of Dana’s seemingly conflicting feelings, and even though she knew Dana loved her she also knew Dana loved Fox. Stella had told her before that it didn’t matter, that it would always be ok and she meant it, but she did find she’d have to work hard at consolidating those feelings inside of herself. At no cost could Dana Scully be made to leave her because she felt she couldn’t be herself, express herself or love in her own way. Stella promised herself right then and there to never make Dana feel like she had to choose. Stella exhaled slowly as her heart and the small hand caressing the curve of her side whispered something to her: Scully had already chosen. Her choice was Stella.

That night, as Scully fell into a somewhat peaceful sleep, Stella made the conscious choice to stay awake. She’d sleep on the plane, and for now she didn’t want to miss a second of the time she had left with Dana. She knew they’d have to talk tomorrow. She also knew they’d be fine, but she was preparing to hear a few painful truths where Mulder was concerned. She still felt like she knew next to nothing. And maybe she never would.

As light slowly started to creep into the room a few hours later Stella carefully stretched. She didn’t want to wake Dana just yet, but she had felt a growing need blooming inside of her to just feel her, everywhere, to wrap herself around Dana’s soft body and never let her go. Rolling onto her back and away from Dana she left the warmth of their bed to use the bathroom, and as she came back into the room she was unexpectedly touched by the sight before her. Dana had turned around into the warmth left by Stella’s body, her back partially exposed by the blanket that had come down a bit as she’d moved. The ivory curve of Dana’s spine looked elegant and soft, inviting Stella to curl herself up against it, to push her hips into Dana’s and show her how much she cared. So she did, wrapping herself all around Dana before moving willingly into her arms and showing her just how much she loved her with the tip of her tongue and the touch of her fingers.

When, about an hour later, Scully came into the kitchen wearing a simple cotton dress and a knitted jumper Stella was waiting for her with a cup of freshly brewed coffee. ‘Thank you,’ Scully said almost shyly, remembering how Stella’s fingers had made her come twice not thirty minutes ago. She’d woken up to blonde locks all around her and wild, uninhibited desire all over her body as Stella had been driven by an unspoken need to show Dana exactly what they could do together. As Dana’s fingers touched Stella’s when she took the cup she was instantly transported back and a blush adorned her freshly showered cheeks. ‘Good morning,’ Stella said softly, and Scully licked her lips before throwing her a soft smile over the edge of her cup. ‘It is,’ she agreed. Stella held out her hand and took Dana to sit at the table, eating a light and quick breakfast. ‘So, you’re leaving today,’ Scully whispered. ‘Yes,’ Stella confirmed. ‘I just got an e-mail from work saying they need me as well, so it’s perfect timing.’ Scully nodded. ‘Okay.’ Stella’s hand came up under Dana’s chin, pushing it up to meet her eyes. ‘Hey,’ she said, ‘It’s not the end.’ Scully nodded. ‘Feels like it though, every time we separate it feels like it might be the last time. We don’t know what our future holds.’ ‘Don’t do that,’ Stella hummed as she dropped her head, releasing Dana and pulling back a little. ‘What?’ Scully asked. ‘Don’t pretend like we didn’t have every single conversation we had while I was here. Don’t just discard all of that.’ Stella’s eyes were directed at the table, suddenly intent on studying the lines in the wood as if it were the most precious piece of art. Scully took a sip of her coffee before answering.

‘I’m scared,’ she admitted quietly when she felt ready. Stella’s eyes snapped up to hers. Scully continued, bravely but with an unsteady voice. ‘You could… change your mind. Find it’s not worth the risk. You could get hurt. Or worse.’ Stella nodded lightly. ‘I could, but so could you. You could fall out of love with me. Decide that it’s too much.’ Find out Mulder is the one you actually love, she thought, but she didn’t say it. ‘I’m not just leaving you,’ Stella added. ‘You’re also leaving me.’ ‘I won’t fall out of love,’ Scully whispered. ‘What if you do? What if you meet someone?’ Stella said. Scully shook her head wildly. ‘I know,’ Stella continued, ‘I’m just trying to make you see a point. A future means uncertainty, and we can only control this much of it. We’ll stay in touch. I’ll call you. You’ll call me, we’ll meet again and maybe we can talk about those moving plans of yours.’ Scully’s eyes lit up a little and she leaned in to kiss Stella softly, tasting their shared morning coffee on her lips. ‘When you’re ready,’ she whispered. Stella nodded and tucked a blonde curl behind her ear. ‘I know where to find you when I am.’

Scully looked at Stella and marveled at the journey they’d taken to get here. She saw a million micri-expressions cross Stella’s face in what she knew to be the truth – until a slightly unsure, slightly brave expression settled and told Dana that Stella was slowly but surely attempting to change her ways for her. It would take time and some things would never change but Stella seemed to want to take this next step with her and that meant the world to Scully. ‘Don’t ever hesitate to use that key,’ Scully whispered softly. Stella licked her lips and extended her hand to cover Dana’s. ‘You know,’ she started, her voice wavering with the impending weight and impact of her words, ‘I used to only really trust myself. I hope you know that’s no longer the case.’ Scully turned her hand to link her fingers through Stella’s, looking at her in the peaceful ambience of their shared early morning. ‘I know,’ she whispered, and she didn’t have to explain further – Stella’s trust was the one thing that was more precious to her than any other thing or person, with the possible exception of Mulder, would ever be.

Mulder.

Scully sighed and finished her coffee before focusing back on Stella. ‘I’ll just say this once, because I can’t bear to think about it for too long,’ she admitted softly, gaining Stella’s fierce focus once more. Stella shifted in her seat and waited patiently for Scully to say what she had to say. The sun started to creep in through Scully’s kitchen window and a ray of light lit up her hair, catching her face at an angle that made her eyes explode in rays of blue and azure unlike anything Stella had ever seen before. Stella swallowed and Scully’s lip curved down under the sudden intensity of the moment. ‘Mulder is a closed chapter,’ she said softly, her lip trembling as she spoke the words she’d rehearsed in her head. ‘He will always be a part of my life. But so will you. I’ll talk to him, but I’ll never cheat on you with him or betray your trust. That’s not who we are.’ ‘You don’t have to…’ Stella interrupted but Scully shook her head. ‘I know, and I know you know. I just have to get it out, Stel.’ Stella nodded as her chin trembled and unexpected emotions washed over her. Scully met her eyes again, openly hurting this time at everything that had happened over the past few days and Stella reached for her. A strangled breath escaped Dana’s body as she stood her ground for another few seconds. ‘I’m meant to be with you,’ Scully stated bravely before succumbing to the weight of love and pillowed softness in the air around them and as she took Stella’s hands and felt Stella pull her close she let her tears was over her.

 It wasn’t sadness. It wasn’t happiness. It was wistful love and inexplicable, complicated love that caused her to break down one last time in the arms of her lover while she still could, while she was still here.

‘If I leave now there will just be distance between us. That’s all,’ Stella whispered into her hair as she held Dana close. ‘Not if,’ Scully said softly into the crook of Stella’s neck. ‘When.’


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it. The final chapter. This arch is ending but a new one, a very fluffy and sweet story is coming in part 5 of the Courage series. And I promise you I have a few short stories to be posted in between. I love these two and I get more and more nervous writing them as time passes and more people start writing brilliant stories for them. It's amazing. I hope this does not disappoint and I hope you will continue with me on their journey (and mine).  
> Love.

After breakfast Stella went back to the bedroom to pack.  The atmosphere between them was serene but heavy and it weighed on both of them. As she felt the fabric of her clothes between her fingers Stella pondered why she kept exposing herself to such a complicated threading of emotions.  Scully remained in the kitchen, slowly clearing everything away, taking her time to calm down and find the kind of inner peace she knew she would need for the remainder of her time with Stella. Feeling a little better she made her way quietly to the bedroom, leaning against the doorway and observing Stella as long as she could while going unnoticed by the blonde. She found Stella standing by the bed, still barefoot and in just her robe and underwear by the looks of it, all of her clothes laid out in categories on Dana’s bed, as Stella  slowly but  methodically put them away one by one. 

Stella had a method. One step at a time.  Create a system, and allow the order of the system lead.  It worked, often, for a lot of things – and right now she needed it to work for two vitally important parts of her life. She needed it to inform her packing up all her things, for one, but also for her impending separation from Dana – one foot before the other, one short second after the other as the rhythm of life pushed them closer and closer to the moment they’d say goodbye. She wasn’t ready to stay. But she wasn’t ready to leave either – not with the way things felt, not while it felt so good to live in Dana’s space and breathe her air while learning that maybe this was okay.  Maybe she could do this. Maybe it wasn’t as confining and suffocating and dangerous as she had been taught it was. Maybe Dana was the answer. She could be the light.

Stella sighed as she folded her bras together, lightly tracing her fingers across the lace, thinking of all the memories that lived like delicate threads folded and curled into a beautiful web of memory. Scully watched from a distance, getting caught in that web but  accepting its confinement gladly , remembering Stella’s fingers in her hair and across her body and wishing she could just stay wrapped up in her arms forever. Stella’s shoulders slumped a little and Dana decided she couldn’t have Stella fall into a bottomless pit of sadness now, not now, with only a precious few hours left – so she approached quietly and wrapped her arms around Stella’s shoulders. ‘Hey,’ she whispered as she pulled Stella close. Stella covered Dana’s hands with hers, putting one up to her lips to kiss it. ‘Hi,’ she said, not daring to turn around and look at her as she felt emotion well up inside of her  as her memories turned into tears . She pressed her lips against Dana’s knuckles before releasing her, leaning back a little when Dana’s arms didn’t move. ‘I need to pack, Dana,’ she whispered, and Dana’s arms fell away. ‘I’ll help,’ Scully gestured towards the bathroom. ‘I’ll get your things in there.’ ‘I need those,’ Stella waved, catching Dana’s wrist, ‘leave them for now.’ Scully nodded. ‘Okay. But I want to help,’ she said resolutely as she entwined their fingers. ‘Pick something for me to wear,’ Stella smiled in her direction, feeling strong enough now to carefully meet Dana’s eyes. ‘I can’t travel like this,’ she stated the obvious, earning her a raised eyebrow from Dana. She winked back and continued to pack. Scully let her eyes travel across everything Stella had lain out. ‘Hold on, I have the perfect thing,’ Scully said as she let go of Stella’s hand. 

She felt Stella’s eyes on her back as she went into her cupboard and got out a fitted but soft jumper before going into another drawer to get pants. ‘Wear this.’ She handed them to Stella proudly, not really wanting to analyze why she wanted Stella to wear her clothes but just knowing somehow that it was the right thing. Stella cocked an eyebrow at her with a sweet smile dancing across her lips as she took the clothes from Dana. ‘I’m not wearing your clothes, Dana.’ Dana regarded her with a guarded look in her eyes. ‘Why not?’ 

There was no answer. Stella didn’t know. All she knew was that somehow, for some reason her throat constricted at the idea of wearing the weight of those memories all the way back to London, where they would weigh her down on her good days and smother her beneath the surface of her sanity on the bad days. But Stella also knew that there was no greater honor. No better way to be reminded of the things she had and she wouldn’t lose just because there was some space and time between her and the owner of these wearable memories. 

Stella took a breath and put the clothes down on Dana’s bed, taking the jumper and holding it up before directing her eyes back to Dana. ‘All right,’ she conceded softly, ‘I’ll wear the jumper.’ Scully pursed her lips in agreement and nodded. ‘Okay.’ She took the pants from the bed and let her hand caress Stella’s hip as she passed her. ‘Sorry.’ Stella caught her hand and pulled her in, the jumper getting caught between the silk of her robe and the fabric of Dana’s clothes. Stella kissed her softly and reassuringly. ‘It wouldn’t look as good on me as it does on you anyway,’ she whispered into Dana’s cheek,  her breath caressing the tinyhairs on Dana’s skin before letting her go and turning back towards the clothes on the bed. Gathering everything she needed Stella headed for the bathroom. She didn’t explain herself and left the door open a bit for Dana, should she want to join her, and Dana dropped her head as she, like Stella, needed a way to bow away from the increasing pressure they felt in the room. It was a pressure they knew well by now – darkening clouds rolling in like autumn uninvited and yet unavoidable. However Dana knew darkness well and she knew Stella had learned to live in it but this wasn’t about that. They hadn’t come this far to keep falling back into that hole over and over again. There must be growth, Dana thought, and even though she knew they’d already grown more than she had ever expected she still could she also knew that to grow past the darkness meant growing into the light. And their light shone brightly whenever they allowed it to. 

As she turned on the tap Stella knew Dana would follow and she needed Dana to follow. Dana brought hope and clarity  even in this impending darkness,  and even though they were about to be on their own again Stella needed a reminder of how good they were together. Soon she felt Dana’s light behind her, warming her back as Dana’s hands softly pulled on the belt of her robe.  I t gave way  quickly, surrendering , falling open and revealing Stella’s soul to Dana who took it, cradled it and promised to keep it safe for now and until they would meet again. ‘I got you,’ Dana whispered softly as her fingers held Stella together with a whisper of a touch, and Stella wondered how any human could possibly live so deeply and so freely within her. She didn’t say anything because there simply were no words. She just waited as Dana undressed her carefully before shedding her own clothes and taking Stella’s hand. Scully found Stella’s fingers strangely steady, and her heart calmed as she realized that Stella had made peace with the fact that their time together was going to be put on hold again. Little by little she felt their initial sadness turn into wistful peace as Stella accepted Dana’s body against hers. She pulled Dana close, holding one of Dana’s arms around her as the other found its place in the curve of Dana’s lower back. Stella’s fingers splayed out across the skin of Scully’s hip and Scully sighed deeply, pillowing her lips against Stella’s clavicle. ‘Close your eyes and hold me,’ Stella asked, and Dana nodded as the water seemed to wash away any words that might have been on her mind. 

The water was hot, scorching even but neither of them wanted it to change as they found release in this basic form of physical pain. Stella allowed her jaw to clench tightly against Scully’s dampening locks as Scully let her hot tears join the stream of liquid anger, sadness and desire running down their bodies. This was about emotional rather than physical release and yes, it was unhealthy, and yes, it was painful but they were together and somehow that was all that mattered right now. They created a bubble of fire and water around them and within it they were free, free to 

Twenty minutes later Scully still felt her cheeks glow from the liquid form of therapy they’d just undergone. She’d left Stella in the shower with the water turned off after they’d been just standing there, against the cooling tiles, holding each other and curling around each other’s bodies like snakes trying to smother their prey before it got away. Only they weren’t prey, they were just two women battling against a lot of feelings that neither of them knew how to express to the other, and as Scully folded Stella’s robe to put it on the bed she took a second to look out of her bedroom window. 

The outside sky reflected her mood. It was grey, but there was light there, and she saw the sun somewhere in the distance pushing through. She heard Stella’s soft bare feet pad into the room and she turned to look at her. Stella’s face was bare of any make-up, a raw expression etched into the lines that Dana had come to know so well. Scully smiled as she saw her jumper hug Stella’s body and another wave of pride washed through her, feeling like somehow this would link them together even if their bodies were an ocean away. ‘You don’t have to wear it,’ Scully said quietly, giving Stella another out if she needed one. ‘I want to,’ Stella said hoarsely, her voice finding its way back to the surface after not being needed for a while, ‘I need to.’ The truth of that statement hit Scully unexpectedly and she felt her lip tremble. ‘Hey, none of that,’ Stella extended her hand for Dana to grasp and Dana shook her head to expel the tears from her eyes. It helped a little as she squinted and controlled her emotions – there would be tears later and right now there were more important things, like how Stella’s eyes were quietly telling her truth after undeniable truth as she tried to silently convey to Dana all the things she was feeling. A writer once said: The best writing is done when no words are needed. Silence had always been their space to fill with their inexplicable connection and they were both equally afraid and attached to what happened between them in those moments. Scully found Stella’s eyes and with them she found the strength to hold on and to let go. A reckless and defiant tear escaped the corner of her eye anyway and Stella smiled sadly, holding Dana’s gaze as the tear inched its way down slowly into nothingness as they both reconciled with the simple fact that it was time for Stella to leave. 

Scully helped Stella with the rest of her packing, stubbornly gathering her toiletries now that they were done in the bathroom, and Stella smirked knowingly as she let Dana put her things away neatly. Stella’s method had been abandoned as soon as she’d realized that no method of hers had ever worked with Dana, and Stella had given in to Dana’s slight turmoil that had become a safe place for Stella to exist in. All too soon they were done and Stella was ready to leave. Stella regarded Dana, waiting for her to make the next move. ‘I’ll drive you to the airport,’ Scully said. ‘You don’t have to, I can get a cab,’ Stella stood to roll her suitcase to the hallway. ‘Stella,’ Scully just said, and Stella looked at her, her eyes quietly but forcefully touching Dana’s soul. ‘All right. I’d like it very much if you drove me,’ Stella agreed. ‘Cheaper, too.’ Scully laughed as she got her coat and keys. ‘Okay, okay. Have everything?’ ‘I think so,’ Stella nodded. ‘Do you… Have your key?’ Scully asked tentatively. Stella reached into the side pocket of her bag and pulled out her keys. It was right there, next to Stella’s own house key, and Dana raised her eyebrow. ‘All right, good.’ ‘Did you really think I’d forget?’ Stella asked, pretending to sound hurt. Scully shook her head. ‘You better never forget.’ Stella chuckled. ‘I intend on using this, so just remember to leave the key in the lock when your lover is here.’ Scully nodded seriously. ‘Good point.’ The corner of Stella’s mouth curved up as she walked away to get her heels.

  


Two hours later Stella turned to Scully and reluctantly released her hand as they had found their way through the airport to where it was time to say goodbye. Scully’s cheeks were stained with silent tears that had found their way down during the drive, but neither of them had mentioned it, knowing it to be a natural reaction that was both beautiful and painful but no amount of words would change their meaning or impact. Stella responded softly to Dana’s kiss that landed completely unexpected but deeply desperate and sweet on her lips as their bodies said goodbye before their minds could. Stella let her lips bury themselves in Dana’s mouth, Scully’s tongue capturing Stella’s as soon as she felt Stella wrap her arms around her waist. A lock of Stella’s hair caressed Dana’s cheek as their lips slowed and time stood still around them. Stella breathed out slowly into Dana’s mouth before retaking her lips and absorbing Dana’s soft sob. ‘I’ll see you soon,’ Stella whispered into Dana’s cheek before brushing one last kiss there and releasing her. Scully nodded and released Stella’s waist. ‘Just text me once you land.’ Stella nodded back. ‘Make sure you’re awake.’ She watched how Scully stood back and struggled to speak for a few seconds as thoughts and emotions seemed to fog up her brain. ‘We’ve turned back into  fifteen  year olds,’ Scully chuckled. Stella raised her eyebrows. ‘When I was  fifteen  I didn’t know what love was.’ She looked past Dana for a moment, getting lost in the memory of  fifteen year old Stella and the pain that had surrounded her in all corners of her life and how now, slowly, those corners were being filled with nothing but gratitude for everything that had happened to her and everything that had ultimately pointed her in this direction. Not one year ago she’d laughed at the idea of love. Defensively, of course, because she knew of its existence but was equally scared by it – love had never done anything to her but hurt her. Until Dana. Stella knew to be careful and she was always mindful of change, possibly right around the corner, but in the course of being with Dana she’d learned that one could be careful and carefree at the same time. It was still hard. The past still hurt and so did the present but it hurt in a way that was really only good and Stella realized there was indeed such a thing. 

‘I’ll come and get that jumper soon,’ Scully pointed to the fuzz along the edge of Stella’s blazer. ‘I’ll have it waiting for you when you do,’ Stella said, her chin pointed upwards and her eyes clear as glass as she silently told Dana that this was goodbye. Dana nodded and directed her eyes to the concrete below them before swallowing and meeting Stella’s again. Okay,’ she simply said. ‘Okay,’ Stella repeated and as the tiniest of smiles settled stubbornly in the curve of Stella’s lips Dana gathered the courage to turn around and move a few steps back. People moved between them now, the first step of many that would tear them apart before bringing them back together again. But it was the inevitability of their magnetism that drew their eyes back to each other and Stella blinked slowly. Scully mouthed something and Stella’s face broke into a dazzling smile.

Ten letters. In any other form they held no significance other than that appointed to them by a dictionary, nothing but lines etched into existence by a pen or by wistful lips. But like this, soundless but louder than anything else, put together by time and trust they held the ability to move Stella across oceans and back again. They’d carry her across the North Atlantic as they’d fly Stella to a place she once called home, but now considered only to be a temporary hiding place and lair until she’d see Dana again. Stella nodded once before turning away and heading towards the security line. 

I do love you too, she thought. So much.

As they moved further away the cloud that had surrounded them for the duration of their being together separated itself. It divided itself under the pressure of the sheer gravity of space, but as one entity became two halves it also became stronger. Two halves destined to operate as one, whether it was together in the same life or separately for now, every day Dana remained in Stella’s life and Stella existed in Dana’s they grew stronger and stronger. Two souls don’t find each other by accident. And as Stella boarded her plane and Dana sat down on the couch to call Mulder their minds wandered and connected on that inexplicable plane that was their existence. They knew that when they inevitably came back to each other not much would change, but nothing, nothing would stay the same.

  



End file.
